Telling my parents

Hi, just for information since you are a newbie; I am the mum of a 17 year old boy who came out to me 2 months ago.

Your letter greatly touched my (made me cry in fact). What a wonderful kind person you are. This is reflected in the warmth and love that comes through your words.

I think the letter is perfect, it says it all in a very open, honnest and loving way. I think your parents will be very proud of you and they can be proud of themselves for raising such a lovely person as yourself.

As for the giving of the letter, in their shoes, I would prefer that you sit down with me, let me read the letter and then be present for me to either ask you questions or to let me tell you there and then that I love you and also just want you to be happy in your life.

Just on another note, do you really think that you will be able to do a jot of work at school if you leave the letter for them to find once you have left for school, that would be probably the longest day of your life?!

Wishing you all the best of luck and loads of courage

 

Very good note! I'd agree - present it to them after school and sit there while they read it. Let them tell you in person and without delay that they do love you... which is I'm sure what they'll say.

Good luck!

 

That's a gorgeous letter.

I'm not sure I would have the guts to sit there while they read it--if I were writing a letter it would probably be because I wanted them to have some time to process it on their own. However, as Louise said, it would probably make for a pretty gruelling day for you to spend the entire time wondering how they were doing with it.

If you didn't want to sit there while they read it, maybe you could add something along the lines of "I'm happy to answer any questions you have as best as I can as long as you guys know this is somewhat new to me, too?"

One (small minor) thing you might want to modify is the part about them understanding what you're going through. I just figure it might be a little less daunting for them if you say "I hope you understand some of what I have been going through." Because really, they're not going to understand all of it, just as you won't understand all of what they're going to go through as they deal with you having come out, and it just seems that would set the stage for misunderstandings to be okay, because more than likely there will be some misunderstandings along the way. I think there always are between parents and children, whatever their respective sexual orientations. So if you start out by acknowledging that no one is going to fully understand the other person's position perfectly, that might make it easier down the road for both you and your parents to be more forgiving of each other when the occasional bump does happen.

Sort of stemming from that, I would just point out that you've had 5 years to come to grips with your sexuality and they won't have had that time, so while putting that in the letter would probably be overkill, if you can keep it in mind as you navigate this news with them, you'll probably find yourself getting less upset if they do or say something hurtful inadvertently. Something I found really helpful for understanding my mum's perspective on my coming out was that we both went to PFLAG meetings for a number of months after I'd come out and it just really helped me to understand what she was going through. Because even though they don't mean to, parents have so much of themselves wrapped up in their children; it's just unavoidable. And really, that's how it should be... but as children we often don't realise what the experience of being a parent is like, and so especially when we're in the midst of something major like coming out, we tend not to be open to understanding that our coming out is a huge thing for our parents, too, and not because they're at all bad parents or bad people, but just because society presents them (well, all of us, really) with a very narrow and often bigoted window on their children's future--and however much they love us, it takes some adjusting. And specifically it's because of how much they love us that they go through the often painful process of adjusting. I mean if you think about it, it's quite a remarkable testament to parental love, because it's essentially overcoming prejudices that have been deeply and firmly ingrained for centuries.

But as I said, that's a pretty minor consideration and if you sent the letter as above, well... I'm not a parent but a letter like that makes me want to be one.

Congratulations... I hope the path is smooth for both you and your parents and that you guys grow closer together as a result of your courage.

 

I would hide the "I am gay" bit into the letter, cause the first thing your parents eye is going to jump to is Gay and they might not read the whole thing =/.....just my input

 

No, don't make it all one paragraph. It divides nicely into three paragraphs, as you have it.

I would make "I am gay" the first part of the next paragraph rather than a paragraph on its own. That way it is still in the same place in the letter but does not stand out and catch the eye like it does at the moment.

Apart from that it is excellent.

 

thats how I'd do it though i might be wrong,good luck,hope it goes well for you

 

I think the last paragraph is great. It's impossible to craft a perfect letter in these kinds of situations but if yours isn't perfect, it's as close as any I've ever seen.

 

Guess it depends on just how bad your handwriting is. But yeah, handwritten is always more personal.

 

Well, normally peopel want hand writtings better, because it is yoru hand writting, which is come from you and your hands, not from the typing machine It'll make more connection to your parents

But if your hand writting is too scratchy, typing is better liek Joey said

 

It's a great letter! Good luck! I can't wait to hear how everything goes so I will be checking when I get back in a week!

 

I came out to my parents by a letter well letters I came out to my mom and several months later my dad. I think that is a great letter the 2nd draft was better my letter to my mom was 8 pages long so you are doing good! hahaha anyway so I just have some advice, your parents will probably have questions some of them will probably be uncomfortable but just try to be patient and understanding about the bomb you just dropped on them and answer the questions as best you can and I think everything will be ok just breathe and do it before you have time to think. good luck and tell us how it went.

 

Good luck for tomorrow, I hope it goes well for you. I think your letter is really great. Have confidence in yourself and the love your parents have for you.

Even if it is a big shock for them all parents want deep down is for their children to be happy in their lives so, even if the reaction you hope for isn't there tomorrow, give them a bit of time they will come round.

I'm not a preying person but I am sending you all my good optimitic vibes

 

If you are worried about your writing being legible, type most of it but hand write the "Dear mum and dad" and "All my love, <name>" bits. This gives it a personal touch while still being clearly readable.

As Joey said, handwriting is more personal, but it is important that the message is clear without them struggling to read your writing.

 

wow, sounds great. i wish you luck, and most defenitly put the "I am Gay" part as first sentence of the next paragraph, that will let your parents read the whole thing instead of their eyes catching that one phase at first sight.

 

i think that the letter is really touching and that they will see all the effort you went through to make the news less shocking. i wish you the best of luck and hope that it goes well!