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Married...coming out to my brother tomorrow

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by straal1972, Dec 21, 2010.

  1. straal1972

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    Hi there. So my older brother (by 3yrs) is visiting from Seattle this xmas season. I rarely see him (maybe once every couple of years). He's going through a divorce and brought his kids. I've been talking to him over the phone more, these last 2 months, then i have since he moved out there. Primarily to let him know that he's got support from me.

    I've decided to come out to him next. Not because I'm especially close to him, but because I want him to hear it from me face to face. I don't want to tell him in a long distance phone call or facebook him. So I made arrangements to take him out for coffee tomorrow night.

    I was all gung-ho about this yesterday when I spoke to him. Today I'm starting to get really nervous. I don't think that I'll back out, but I might, especially if I start getting emotional about it, or over try to make up the conversation before it even happens.

    I guess what's a little hard about this is, that I considered him my first best friend. We were always playing together, conspiring, covering each others buts with our parents. But when he started high school that all changed. I know he was going through puberty and all that, still doesn't take away the hurt of losing your best friend. We've never gotten that back, but then again I've never tried to. I let him go his way and I went mine.

    wish me luck:help:
     
  2. MMAnick

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    I hope everything goes well for you. Tell us how it goes.
     
  3. Mister Gaga

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    I wish you the best of luck.

    Keep us informed :wink:
     
  4. TheEdend

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    Hope everything goes well for you tomorrow.

    Coming out to people you love is always a scary thing and never stops being scary, but it does get easier every time you say it.

    Best of luck tomorrow :slight_smile:
     
  5. s5m1

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    Good luck and hang in there. It feels really scary and hard at first, but it does get easier. Remember that his initial reaction may be surprise, and it may not be where it will ultimately end up. He may have to adjust to the notion that you are gay. He may not. My siblings were fine from the start. While you have had some time to process this information, he has not, so he may need time to react. He may have a lot of questions right away, or he may need to process the news before he asks them.

    I had grown apart from my siblings before I came out to them. It was partly geography, partly family dynamics but also in part because I was hiding myself from them. Since coming out, we have all grown very close again. Hopefully you will have the same experience with your brother.

    I don’t think I mentioned it in response to your earlier post, but there are some good websites for gay, married people and their straight spouses, who have kids. The first is COLAGE. http://www.colage.org/ They have a lot of information to help you understand what your kids will go through and how best to address it with them. There are also titles to helpful books.

    The second organization is called the Straight Spouse Network. http://www.straightspouse.org/home.php You may want to refer your wife to it after you come out to her. She will have a lot of feelings to process, and this website has resources to help her. As with COLAGE, there are useful articles and book lists.

    Good luck and please let us know how it goes with your brother. As always, we are here for you.
     
  6. EM68

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    Good luck coming out to your brother. That was the toughest for me but in the end it all worked out fine. :slight_smile:
     
  7. straal1972

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    Thanks so much everyone. I've got butterflies in my stomach now. Gosh it almost feels like Christmas eve (as a child) ripe with anticipation. I'll post again tomorrow night after I meet with him.
     
  8. NordicSpirit

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    Good luck! I hope it goes well. :slight_smile:
     
  9. Bang Bang

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    Good luck, sweetness. I'm sure everything will go well and you and your brother will form a stronger bond with each other. :slight_smile:
     
  10. maverick

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    Good luck bud, I hope it goes well for you, and I hope your brother is as supportive as mine was. :thumbsup:
     
  11. Lexington

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    I don't wish people luck in situations like this. I have a feeling you won't need luck. Instead, I'll wish you confidence. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  12. straal1972

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    Thank you everyone for the luck and thanks Lex for the confidence.

    I DID IT! Not the way I had rehearsed for a hundred times. But I did come out to my brother. He was surprised. He didn't expect that, but he held my hand after I told him while I was crying, which was the sweetest thing he could have done.

    He opened up to me about his difficult divorce this last year and the therapy he's going through. He has been trying to remember his childhood to see what happened that may be affecting him now. I told him that he was my first best friend, and that he was the best older brother I could have (it made him cry a bit, yeah for tears :slight_smile: ), that he stuck up for me, tried to teach me to fight and generally I looked up to him and thought he was really cool.

    I'm really glad the way it went. I think it really touched him that I wanted to let him know in person and not over the phone.

    thanks again everyone, still a few more to come out to, but thats it for the next couple of weeks.
     
  13. s5m1

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    That is great news. I am really happy for you. It sounds like this is a great beginning to rebuilding the relationship you once had with your brother.
     
  14. straal1972

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    I really do hope so, I realized that I really miss him and have missed him since we were kids. Only now there is a continent between us. but we will said that we would keep talking to each other via phone.
    He expressed his sadness and homesickness when he came back this time. He's missing the community/family spirit here. But his ex and kids are out there.
     
  15. Bang Bang

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    That is truly wonderful! I knew everything would just fine.
    Congratulations on a successful coming out, I'm truly proud of you and your brother. :slight_smile: It is honestly so heartwarming to hear how well it went. I'm glad the bond between you two grew stronger.
     
  16. MMAnick

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    Now you can change you out status from "Not out at all" to "Out to my BIG brother"
     
  17. Eleanor Rigby

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    Congratulations for coming out to your brother (*hug*) I'm happy for your everything went well with him. I hope that it will be an occasion for both of you to strengthen your bond.
    (*hug*) Cécile
     
  18. maverick

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    Yay!!!

    (!!)
     
  19. Nthony

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    Congratulations!! Happy to hear it went so well. :slight_smile:
     
  20. Remk

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    First, congrats! (!) Amazing feeling isn't it. Glad it went so well.

    Every coming out I do ends up being rehearsed over and over again in my head. Enough to almost drive me insane. It all comes down to me just doing it. I also find that I tend to look for that "Golden opportunity." That never seems to happen. So my advice going forward is don't look back and just do it.