I'm just coming to terms with my sexuality, and I have found the holidays to be particularly difficult this year. Does anyone else feel this way, or have advice on how to cope? My family is very loving, but I know they would have issues with this in particular (for example, my mom has already made it well known that she believes it is a "choice" and disagrees with the lifestyle). My mom keeps asking me to pray to find a "future wife," makes it well known that she wants grandchildren, etc etc. These conversations are frequent and make me feel very uncomfortable. Today during Christmas, with extended family, I just clammed up seeing everyone together exchanging gifts, doing traditions, etc. I couldn't help but think about how I was no longer going to fit the mold of what everyone is expecting from me, and how could they take it. And aside from others' expectations, I also started thinking about my expectations for life the implications of this major change. I realize that gay people can still marry and have kids, but it still doesn't fit into what has been re-enforced into my mind for the past quarter century. People could tell something was wrong with me - generally I am very engaged and fun to be around. I think part of me just needs to get away from the family (I leave in a few days!). The past month or so - as I'm coming to terms with things - has been a roller coaster ride. Some days I feel great because I finally know who I am, and other days I feel the opposite. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, I just think I need to share this.
Aww well I think you will find that you are not alone and that a lot of people here at EC feel or have felt like that. The holidays can be a difficult time for many people. I think its best to try not to think of it as how you are never going to fit into their mold, parents naturally have ideas about their children getting married and having kids because it is more common than their child coming out as being gay, finding a same sex partner and having children. You may well find that when the time comes to telling them that with a bit of time and education they will accept it and come to terms with it, so I wouldnt write off your family happiness just get. Just try to enjoy your family time now and if your Mum tells you to pray for a future wife, just tell her you are sure you will find the right person for you some day.
Hi and welcome to EC (*hug*), you don't have to know what you're looking for here. We're here to provide support and help as much as we can. You're very welcome to stick around and when there is anything that you'd like to share, or any question that you'd like to ask, feel free to make a thread about it. And feel free to post about your own experience and/or questions in other people's thread as well. Now, congratulations for coming to terms with your sexuality. It's already a huge step done even if you're just at the begining of your journey. I totaly understand that you've been through a roller coaster of emotions lately and that being around your family is becoming difficult, especially as you know thay may have a hard time accepting your sexuality. Keep in mind that coming out is not a race. You don't have to come out until you feel ready for this. For the time being, you're still working on coming to term with your sexuality, and that's perfectly fine if you keep it that way for a while. You also have to know that, even if some people have a hard time accepting gay people, most people change their mind about it when the "potentialy gay people" happens to be their son, daughter, siblings or anyone they care about. It's easier to carry misconception about people you don't know than about people you know and love. So don't be too pessimistic about your family. Yes, they may have a hard time with this when you'll came out to them, but may be not to the extent you imagine. I join to links to online Pflag booklets that might be helpful for you : http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/Be_Yourself.pdf http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/Daughters_Sons.pdf Welcome to EC once more, and hope to see you around. Take care, Cécile
Yes, I know exactly how you feel. I was just home with my family and my brothers are all married and have kids and everyone is with someone and I'm just alone. It was nice being with them, but I also feel left out and sad I won't have a kid like they do. They include me and are glad I'm there, but it would be different and a taboo subject if I told them. They are religious too and have the misguided notion that the Bible is against GLBT people and they'll probably never come to the same understanding that I have. Even with all the "Prayers for Bobby", "For the Bible Tells Me So" etc. your family might not give up their false belief, but they might. I cope by trying not to think about it, but I hope others have better advice than that. I hope things turn out better for you (*hug*)
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'm feeling much better now... I was in a bit of a lull immediately after xmas. The religion thing is difficult to deal with, and I find myself cringing while at the church my family goes to (even though I only go once per year). The pastor there has given entire sermons on homosexuality and how they should be welcoming, but only to the extent that they can deal with the "problem" through conversion or celibacy. That seems to be my mother's stance as well, so I find myself wanting to pick fights with her about it. I am an argumentative person and I know that isn't the best way to deal with things. I think I am just going to need to swallow my pride for the time being and try to just get along until I am ready to tell her.
