Merry Christmas everyone!! I hope you all had a good day! I posted a while back that I was planning on giving my mum Love, Ellen for christmas as a way of coming out to her. Then everyone said I should do it on boxing day instead, so thats what I was going to do. Yesterday, we watched Milk together (best film ever btw!) and started talking about gays and lesbians and she said she had no problem with them. So I decided to give her the book then. I barely did it, I was so nervous. The only thing that actually pushed me into giving it to her was knowing that in a few minutes I would be out to her. So I gave it to her, she unwrapped it and read the blurb. While she was doing this I thought I was going to faint. It took about 20 seconds but it felt more like 5 minutes. Then she looks up and says "this is great, I love autobiographies." :bang: I was even wearing rainbow coloured slippers. How can she not have got the hint? I wish I had said something now, like "its not an autobiography, its about a mother accepting her daughter is gay." :eusa_doh: Im feeling pretty let down right now.
Don't fret Helen! You've made a lot of steps and have done tons to get closer to telling your mom. Try getting your mom to watch it with you soon, and maybe it will sink in a little bit more for her then Merry Christmas!
The problem is sometimes people dont get the hints and clues however big and obvious we think they are. Dont fret though, dont think of it as a failure look how well you did to give her the book and to have the conversation you did, you took some massive steps be proud of yourself you will get there, there will be another chance.
(*hug*) it's ok, this is an extremly stressful situation, don't beat yourself up for that. The good thing is that you already know your mum is accepting of gay people. This is huge. Maybe you can write on a post-it what you wish you could have said : "Its not an autobiography, its about a mother accepting her daughter is gay." and maybe add something like "I hope that may help you to accept and understand me better, because I'm gay. Much love, Helen", and then stick the post it in the book. This is just and idea, but I'm sure you'll find a way to let her know. Take care (*hug*), Cécile
It is nice to throw hints around, and probably not a bad idea to prepare people, but if your mother isn't thinking that way, she's not going to automatically think that you're gay yourself. Even the rainbow slippers aren't a giveaway, you're probably not the first girl to wear those colours anyway. If she's comfortably talking about gays and lesbians anyway, Ellen's autobiography could have seemed like just another autobiography, so wouldn't have set off signals. Or maybe she does know, and even then, doesn't want to just ask, Are you gay? It's rare anyone would do that really. The only way to come out is to say it directly, either spoken or written. If you want to take advantage of the Christmas break, this is the time to do it. You probably should just plunge in with something like, "You know we were talking after Milk yesterday, and that I'm interested in Ellen De Generes's story? Well, ..." and take it from there, even lead her up to the point if you want her to ask you if that makes you more comfortable, but direct the conversation so it's about you, not the abstract question. By the way, Milk is a great film. I'm in the middle of reading the book by Randy Shilts a lot of the material from the film is from, you should read it too!
As suggested, don't count on "hints" to do the job. That simply ramps up the "will they/won't they" factor. If you want to come out, tell them. Flat out. Lex
Thanks for the advice everyone. I guess when you're used to hiding it from someone you just assume that they will get the hint right away. Usually when she finishes a book we review it. That should be a good opportunity to come out to her. Im just dissapointed because I thought I would be out by now.
Don't be too disappointed with yourself, these things do take time to do it when you feel comfortable talking about it, but it sounds like you're nearly there! x
Wow, you've really done a lot in coming out and getting comfortable with letting your mom know. I'm sorry she didn't make the connection and give you a big hug and all that. Maybe you can clarify even before she reads the book and say you gave the book to her as a way of coming out to her and that you're like Ellen or gay or however you can say it. At least you know she'll be supportive so you shouldn't have any worries so just do it fast and it'll be over. Good luck (*hug*)
Awww, I don't consider this a failure, your mom sounds really sweet and laid-back. Come out, come out, wherever you are.
