Hey everyone, just wanted to say first of all, THANK YOU so much for all the great information on this site. You're all a great group of folks who have helped me through a tough time. So, this is the section where I tell my coming out story I guess. After reading all the posts here, I had written the letter I planned on giving to my parents, but I knew I couldnt give them a letter like that. I know my parents well enough to know that they wouldnt react well if they couldnt ask questions on the spot etc, so I made the decision to tell my family in person. A little background. I am 28 and in Grad School. I have always known I was gay since I was little, but I spent most of my life just wishing I wasnt. I struggled for a long time. I never tried to play it straight and never dated any girls. I just kept doing my thing. To make a long story short, I lived a long time depressed, contemplated suicide for a long time and over the last year started an AA program for addicitions. The past year (sober year) has been the best year of my life and I have been able to clear the fog in my head, and accept myself. I love myself and the person I am, plain and simple. I began living my life and enjoying it. In order to fully live my life and enjoy it, I decided I wanted to be honest with my family and decided to come out to them when going home for the christmas break. I knew it could go good or bad. My family is pretty conservative and made homophobic comments for a long time. But, one night I was sitting up with my mom right before bed and I said "so we need to talk". I just went through all the motions, told her I was gay, was the same person I always was, that I was born this way, and that I still loved them. I told her I was happy now etc. The tough thing was she started laughing at me, and then her first words were "well dont get aids". She then wanted me to see a priest and I vehemently rejected that. I said nothing is wrong with me. I think what I wanted most was a hug and to hear she loved me just the same, but it didnt happen for a while longer. The next morning, my dad had been informed by my mom. I was most nervous about him, but he was the one who gave me a hug and said I was still his son, buddy and freind. That meant the world to me coming from him. Long story short my whole family was totally surprised. I mean, I dont like labels like "straight" or "gay" acting-I just am, I'm me. And I never tried to live a life conforming to anything, but they were all still surprised. Lots of mixed reactions, some like it was just another piece of news. My brother had lots of questions and still made jokes which I didnt like. I guess the biggest thing is that I felt like I was on autopilot when telling people and I still cant believe it happened. And, I know it will take some time for this to sink in with the family, but we ended up having a perfectly normal and happy Christmas. And, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me. My life now is totally out in the open. No questioning, or hiding etc. I am me, the world knows and it feels great. Hope everyone has a great new year.
Congratulations! I think the only thing I can suggest though is just to ask your brother not to make the jokes. Jokes can hurt no matter how light hearted they are.
Congrats and thanks for sharing. I'm glad to hear things went relatively well, despite your mom. I'm the same age as you, in grad school, and come from a very conservative family too. I'm sure my mom will want some religious intervention when I muster the courage to come out as well. Your story sounds similar to mine so it's encouraging to hear.
I agree, you did awesome, and jokes can be hurtful in any fashion. Remember though a lot of people make jokes because they may not fully understand something, so they joke about it.
That's awesome! I am about the same age and see my own situation as very similar to yours. I came out to my parents about a month ago and after years of worrying that our relationship would change for the worse, things really haven't (I never really thought I'd be excommunicated or anything like that). I come from a Conservative Christian family in a rather rural community and am very close to my family. I also just recently finished my Master's degree. I have only been out for about a month but it feels like so much longer, and occassionally I feel like pinching myself when I remember that they know now. Its weird. But I am soooo much happier and I am beginning to stop second guessing what I am doing, in case someone "figures it out". As for the homophobic comments, I am glad you said that because I felt/feel the same way, but since I came out I have begun to feel like I am apart of "the community". Like I haven't met many other LGBT people, but I feel like I somehow now belong there. And while the homophobic comments/jokes don't particularly bother me, I feel like I almost have some strange responsibility to do what I can to make it easier for those like me to come out. Anyway, if you want to chat drop me a line!
Thanks so much everyone for the replies. It really was a good experience. I did make it known that the jokes were not appreciated, and that this was a big deal for me. I told them that maybe after time some level of jokes could be funny but never name calling like this. I meant to say that I also told my freinds too, all in person. Some of them wont even acknowledge my presence or say hi anymore, but the really good ones, that I have known since I was pushed in a stroller all told me they loved me no matter what, and hanging with them was seriously like nothing changed. There's something good about when your freinds give you a hug after news like that-it makes it known that nothing really has changed. My family is great, their a little like "MY big fat greek wedding" except Irish Catholic so I think it will take a little time for some of them, but in the end it will work out.
Irish Catholic too eh? haha Love the quote, its so true. Its like if they will stick with you through this they will stick with you through anything.
Haha yes something about the Irish Catholic family that handles scenarios totally unique... Yeah these guys that are my closest freinds are amazing. I cant say enough good things about them. They always knew, but they told me they knew that I had to deal with things on my terms. They said they were always my freinds and wouldnt change anything about me if they could. I mean, this kind of thing makes me realize how important and good freinds are in life, and also how lucky I am. They have been with me through thick and thin. The awesome thing is, when we go out, they are the first ones to say hey "you should go talk to that guy-come on lets go". They want to be a part of my life and know about it; they aren't afraid or weirded out-its like business as usual and that means sooooo much to me.
