Coming out process

A bit of background. I'm 33 and I finally came out -- to my mom -- in November. This after wrestling with the idea for a few months after finally accepting it myself. My whole teen life onward, I had simply denied any chance of being gay to myself. I never dated (not women, and certainly not men), I never discussed relationships with family or friends, nothing. When I finished school 12 years ago, I started working in my dad's business, eventually taking it over, and have kept myself occupied with that.

In the spring of 2010, I started changing my life by sticking with a "lifestyle change" (diet and exercise) and by the fall had lost 50 lbs. I also became aware that, for the first time in my life, I actually started to feel good about myself physically (I'm now of normal weight and have kept it going). And around that time, I began to think about this whole relationship thing...

I was still denying being gay to myself, but it was becoming harder. I wanted to put myself out there, but as much as I thought I could be on the look out for women, I really didn't want to. The boost in confidence did not lead to a reversal of gayness, to my actual surprise.

In the early fall, I was out for a drink with one of the guys from work, and my half-drunken self dragged the conversation into sexuality. He said he knew he was always straight, to which I replied "I'm straight but I wasn't always sure." A pathetic lie, but the biggest admission I ever made. I cried myself to sleep that night. The next night, I replayed the conversation out loud to myself and said "I'm gay" instead of the other thing. For the first time in my life, I said it!

Fast forward to November, and I was going to visit my out-of-town mom. And I was going to tell her. And I did. It basically went: "Mom, I need to talk to you..." then with some background info, and then "I'm gay and I've always known." She replied with "Are you really?!" followed by a hug, followed by "I honestly had no idea." Honestly, I figured it had become self-evident, but apparently not. Anyway, it was all very loving, and we talked for an hour. It went as expected -- very well.

I came out to a cousin a few days after. That also went well -- she's in University, liberal, and very open-minded, so I knew she'd be a safe bet. Oh, and the guy from work, I told him too. He was like "whatever," then immediately ranted to me about how his father hates his girlfriend. Ahhh, acceptance.

I'm still only out to three people. Coming out to my dad will be hard, because though I'm sure he'll be fine with it, I think it will be awkward. I'm rarely emotional with him, and he's never emotional with me. Same goes with my male friends. If my mom had told me it was obvious that I was gay, it would be easier. But now it seems like I'll be dropping a bomb on them... Hello? I don't date! I never ever talk about girls. How straight-acting can one be? I've since asked my mom if there were ever hints, and she insists she never suspected it. She just thought because I work so hard, and being a very shy person, I would eventually come around to finding a woman.

Anyway, my dad this weekend. Maybe a couple friends next week. We shall see how it goes... Thanks for reading

 

Thanks for the kind words, everyone! Coming out to my dad will have to wait until a bit later on this week, and not today as planned. I was gonna do it over brunch at a restaurant, but unbeknownst to me, he had invited one of his personal acquaintances along. Uh, hi?

Yeah, I often feel the need to explain myself to others like that. But nobody ever prods too much, at least not explicitly. Plus, I always just lied and said that I was straight, but that I was just too busy to date or get married and have kids. Is it really a lie if you're in denial yourself? I had convinced myself that no, it was not...