Well this is my second post, and I'm still getting used to the codes, and other people's home pages look so cool, and mine is just the boring standard. But i guess I'll learn. Ok so i took a shower, and of course i got the chance to look at my body, which I'm not a fan of, and i guess that got me depressed. I went to my room, and i started shaking in my hands, and it was a really weird feeling, and then i thought of doing somethings, and i called a suicide hot line. They calmed me down, and then i wen to my grams. (I already knew i was bi, but i have no clue why anything happened next) I stood in front of her desk and said that i was on the phone with a suicide hot line for 13 minutes (which i was) she asked why, and my hand started shaking, then i took a piece of paper and wrote "I'm Bi" i just couldn't say it. And she looked at it, and had a weird face on, and i said "You didn't even suspect" she said "no" and about a year ago my step-grandfather found 14 files of porn on my comp and most of it was gay, She just said "i thought you were curious" She went to pick up the phone, to call my mom who's room is in the upstairs attic, its finished so its nice. I kid of begged her not to but she did. My mom came downstairs and she was like whats going on, i started tearing up a bit, and told her to look at the paper, she said no tell me, i said look, she looked. and the first thing out of her mouth: "What, am i on candid camera or something?" Maybe I'm taking it too serious, but i know I'm going to take that with me for the rest of my life. so then as always she tried to make it all about her "What did I do" How did this happen to ME" and i cried some more and apologize for hitting/pushing her one night, which i wasn't but it was a bottom of the barrel moment for me. So now, i know my mom thinks my hormones are just raging, and I've just been acting straight around her, even making comments about gay people, like theres too many fo them on tv, when i wish there was more and I've just told my grandmother that its not easy to deal with, and she seems ok with it. Ok so there's my story, I'm not really expecting any replies, i just wanted to post it. But if there is any, could you guy give me some advice? Am i taking what my mom said too seriously? Can i make her understand me more, or is she a lost cause?
Sometimes parents (or grandparents) already have an idea - which can actually make the "coming out" process easier. If they don't - well - it is going to be something of a shock (likely a very big one) - and often they'll find it hard to deal with. The good thing is that most parents love their kids "no matter what". Some get to acceptance fairly quickly, some more slowly...and if you look around EC you'll find we have a couple of Mothers regularly posting here. beckyg is now one of the Moderators for EC - she started posting here a few months ago, has a gay son herself and is also President of the Central Oregon branch of PFLAG - :eusa_clap all that, coming from a background of a rather religious family...which, with different people, could well have been a recipe for condemnation and non acceptance. Louise started posting here last month because her son came out to her - and she wanted to try and understand better - so he gave her the link to EC. She has since made a LOT of posts - all supportive and helpful of people going through the same feelings as yourself. Oh Boy - if only everyone was like them! You might want to take a look at this thread: http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=930 You will see that it explains pretty well the process that people go through in reaching acceptance. I would also suggest that you just have a good look around some of the threads and stories here. You'll find a lot of good people and a very supportive atmosphere - and once you have made more than 10 posts, you will be able to get to know some of them better in the chatroom. Hope this helps - and welcome to EC! (*hug*)
Your mom was certainly in shock. Don't hang your hat on what her first words were. She'll need time to adjust and accept the situation. Welcome to EC. You'll get WAY more comfortable about your orientation by hanging around in here for a while!
I have sent you a PM. You are not alone, we at EC are here for the good times and the bad times. NO MORE DARK THOUGHTS OK? I will be happy to chat with you if every you feel the need don't hesitate to PM me. Your mum will come round. I know what I'm talking about I am a mum so there! Seriously you just need to give your mum a bit of time and find some good books for her to read or a support group in your area. Beckyg can help you with those sorts of things, she helped me enormously when my son came out to me. (*hug*)
This is a big shock to her; give her some time and she should come to terms with it. And don't focus too much on what she said, disbelief is a normal reaction. You can't really make someone understand you; just tell her how you feel. Don't act shy or nervous about it; try and be as confident as possible while talking to her.
