almost out.

So as some of you know I have been floating around here for the past month or so, and if you read my other thread you know that I am out to my best friend. Of course she was very supportive, this time around and the first time. But, what I do want to say and the point I'm trying to make that since I have actually accepted myself for who I actually am things have gotten so much better.

Just a bit of what I mean. Ever since I was about 18 I wasn't very social, I never felt like I belonged with the people I was with, or what I was doing was right for me. So I dealt with this for about 5 more years, never had any meaningful relationships during this time, whether it be with girlfriends or just friends in general. My relationships with my entire family was strained, which sucked because my entire family, extended and all is very close. During those 5 years I began doing drugs and drinking heavily, kinda made me feel like I was supposed to be with the people around me. Anyhow, last year I realized that my life would never change until I did something about it. So I did. I completely stopped talking to all of my friends, stopped doing drugs, and I still drink but far less. I think its because its not really used as me trying to fit in.

At first this seemed like a horrible thing, I was lonely, fell into what seemed like an irreversible depression and was just a miserable person to be around. Of course this made things with my family soooo much worse. About 3 months ago I moved out of my parents house and got an apartment, at the time it was a chance to separate myself from all that seemed so terrible. It was about the same time I found EC.

So one night I was sitting on my couch just thinking I suppose. And I said out loud "I'm gay." Not really too sure why I decided to admit this to myself now but it felt soo good to actually say it. I ended up calling my best friend and talking to her for a few hours. Got on EC and made my original post in the support forum. Of course everyone here was nice and full of helpful things to say.

I got up the next day and felt like a new person. That was about two weeks ago, since then I have been doing things I have never imagined. My relationships at work are much better, even though none of them know I am gay. I have had amazing conversations with my parents, same thing still not out to them. I love going out for breakfast, I am now able to join in conversation with the pother people at the dinner. The list goes on.

I think what I really want to say is that since I came out to myself, my best friend, and all of you it seems like my anxiety has been washed away. Not to mention I started taking better care of myself.

Someone on here told me something like "what you have done so for, coming out to yourself is already a huge step. I dont think that you are aware of that." Im sorry I can't remember who you are while Im typing this but thank you. I do now realize what I have done and what is to come. I also want to thank everyone here, whether or nor you replied to any of my topics or not, you all are such amazing people. So thanks!!!

I think thats about it for now. I wont be coming out to my family just yet but, I will be sure to spread the word when its time. For now I'm late for "Black Swan" you guys better be right about it being a good movie :icon_bigg

Much love,
TheWanderer (&&&)


ps. I rant I know please forgive me