This is sort of an update on my previous thread. I'm beginning to think my parents will have little to no problem with me being "not straight." Today, my mom and I went out to eat, and when we were driving back home, Howard Stern was interviewing figure skater Johnny Weir on the radio. They were talking about his coming out and I remarked that such a thing takes "brass cajones" to do. She proceeded to ask me why that would be, and I remarked that many parents tend to reject their queer sons and daughters. She said that there's absolutely no reason for them to do so, and then asked me if I was gay myself. Initially, I thought it was a joking tone and blew the question off...but a few minutes later, she asked me about "that thing I wasn't ready to tell them." Almost certainly, she's suspect of what "that thing" truly is. Doesn't seem to care if she is, suspecting such a thing seems to have had no change on her mood during the day. I'm beginning to think it's prime time to take action. At the same time, it really does take brass cajones to come out. And last I checked, mine were made of simple germ cells. It's much easier to look a camera in its eye and say this rather than say it to my own parents...so should I record a sort of "coming out" tape and just leave it on the table before I go to school? I figured it would be much more personal than a simple, emotionless letter or e-mail...and I could better explain everything in a way that's not so intimidating for me to do so. Or does it all seem rather gauche in comparison to just manning up and coming out in person? Thoughts?
A letter works nicely. I think that would be better than a tape or video. But I'm sure if you did do a video, it wouldn't be the first time someone had done that One other option, which a lot of people seem to opt for, is to write a letter, present it in person and have them read it then and there, or read it to them. But in your case, from what you've said, she likely already knows and it will almost certainly be a non-issue.
I'm far from being an expert about coming out, but it seems to me that your parents already know, or at least highly suspect that you're gay, and they have been both trying to let you're know they have no issues with it whatsoever. I think the best way for you to come out to them is the one you feel the more comfortable about. If you feel comfortable with recording a tape then go for it. Though maybe it would be best to write down what you want to say first so that you could have sort of a guideline while recording it. Take care (*hug*) Cécile
Hey Zontar, I always wanted to come outpersonally to my wife. But after struggling with want I wanted to say to my brother and not saying it coherantly, I opted to write a letter which I read to her. It allowed my a couple of weeks to review it and brush it up, add more thoughts to it as they came to me. For me it was important that I actually say the words "I'm Gay, I've always been gay but never realized it", and important that she hear them coming from me. It sounds like your parents (mom at least) is thinking that your sexual orientation is your 'big thing' thats great. It means that she's thinking about it and is coming to terms with it. But ultimately its up to you. God I know how hard it is to say face to face. But I really feel that there is a great relief in doing it. Saying it face to face, then YOU know that THEY know. Leaving a letter or tape lying around, and then it's gone. Well it might leave you wondering whether they saw/read it at all. Especially if they don't comment about it to you. That can open up all kinds of worries in you.
I have to be honest with you, looking at your different threads over the past few weeks, whenever you come out, it will come as a relief for your parents. They know you're gay, they've made that as clear as they can, and also that it isn't something that bothers them. Make a tape if it is easier, but it does seem that that would over-dramatize things. Yes, there are parents who are cruel to their children because they're gay, but there has been no indication AT ALL that this is true of yours. It seems better to say it in person. If you don't want to, how about writing it down in an envelope, telling them to read it and then that you can talk about it later in the day, after a few hours. But they've probably already between them had that discussion of what to say to you when you do come out.
Actually, with the Day of Silence and the 'NOH8' project; One actually could come out with Duct Tape. w/r/t OP I'd say your parents suspect, and your mom sounds supprtive. I'd tell her in person, but taking the time to write a letter, and organize your thoughts can help. Bring up "that thing you weren't ready to tell them", or even Johnny Weir (BTW that would be a rather awkward interview to listen to with your mom) If you're having trouble starting in. Good luck.
