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Maybe COming Out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Ethan, Jan 18, 2011.

  1. Ethan

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Metro Detroit, Michigan
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey guys! :icon_bigg
    Since I've joined EC, I have been voraciously devouring the Coming Out Stories section trying to get advice and insight on coming out. I have gone form "no way in hell" to "Maybe soon...real soon!" on my outlook on coming out. I plan on sending this note via Facebook to my best friend (guy) within the next month or two. I have read some really inspirational posts and believe I have the courage to be who I am now. I plan on ending my so-called relationship with my girlfriend tomorrow so I will see how that goes. There's maybe a 10 percent chance I might just come out to her tomorrow if the conversation allows. It all depends on her reaction. I'm a little scared! :eek: I just hope I can keep strength and go through with all this. :icon_redf

    "Dear J,
    You’ve been my friend since the seventh grade and I have enjoyed the time I have spent with you since then. We’ve talked about a lot of things. Whenever I want to, I can go to you to find a person of actual reason in our town which is mainly composed of bigots and farmers. Seriously, we’ve wondered about the 4th dimension, we’ve discussed character relationships and song choice on Glee, we’ve had remarkably in-depth conversations on the stupidity of people in our school. We’ve talked about all sorts of video games, and pondered various philosophical theories. We’ve done our fair share of weird things. Remember when we put mayonnaise under the toilet seat in your bathroom and laughed for like an hour? Or when we had a Nilla wafer eating contest? How about when we invented Fabio and had an hour long photo-shoot staged throughout the Middle School? All of these fun times have made me come to the realization that, even though we don’t hang out outside of school very often, you are the person I most trust. Your thought process is so refreshing in our Podunk little town. Seriously, you’re one of, like, 5 people I know who actually would think about who they vote for instead of just marking a party. It’s because of your world views and generally higher level of open-mindedness that I wanted you to be the first to know this. I’m gay.

    If you want specifics, I guess I am more bisexual, but I definitely prefer men over women. This has been something I have struggled with personally since the 6th grade. I liked men more than women since then, but I guess I always assumed I would meet the right girl and fall in love and get married and have kids of my own and be the happy person you see in the movies. I figured liking guys was just some strange thing that everybody tries once and gets over. I guess I sort of thought that until it continued for 6 years. In high school, my Freshman and Sophomore years, I only had crushes on girls. I refused and pushed away my real feelings until I could let them out when I was alone. Junior year, however, I had two big guy crushes. I can’t tell you who, but yes, you kind of know/knew them. I also had a crush on A. We started hanging out more, and I thought maybe this is what love is like? But looking back on it, I realize that no, it was nothing more really than my desire to lead the life expected of me. I still like her as a person and as a friend, but I don’t really think I have ever loved her. This year, we started officially started dating. I have been miserable and depressed most of the time since then. I have hurt myself and her, and I regret it.

    I guess it is might have been kind of hard to see this coming. I don’t fit the stereotype because I am not a stereotype. I am me. I’m not going to be the guy walking down the street in a Pride parade wearing heels and a pink feather boa. Most gays are not like that. The media only shows these because they are generally a negative stereotype. I’m still going to like the things I like. Gay guys can still play video games and tennis. I can still have an obsession with bacon and the ability to get an A in a class without really trying. I am still the person you have hung out with all these years. I won’t talk to you about “gay stuff.” I am still who I always was, just happier. I have found who I am, and nobody can take that from me. All I need is support. If you need time to process this and don’t talk to me for a couple days, that’s okay, I’ll live. If you never want to see me again, that’s alright too. I will respect your feelings no matter how much it crushes me.

    This is easily the hardest thing I have ever done. Calculus doesn’t even hold a candle. :wink: Knowing something was true, but having to lie about it to not only to myself, but to the rest of the world just isn’t my style. I don’t know who I will tell next, but please, please, please don’t tell anyone. When someone makes a gay joke, don’t immediately look at me to see how I react. I have always respected you for rarely, if ever, cracking a gay joke or using a homophobic slur. I don’t know where I will go from here, all I know is that it can only get better."

    Thanks everyone!
     
  2. kwyjibo

    Full Member

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    Wow!
    That is a brilliant letter you've written and I hope all goes well for you. Good luck,
    OmegaOne
     
  3. This sounds great! Good luck with coming out to your friend. If your friend is as awesome as it sounds in your letter, it will go just fine.
     
  4. straal1972

    Full Member

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    Great letter Nazo. It sounds like you have a really good friend there. I hope that it stays that way.
     
  5. Horizon93

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2010
    Messages:
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    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Impressive letter - and it sounds like you don't need to worry too much about his reaction. I'd guess he'll take it just fine. It's great to have friends like that. Best of luck!