Why do gay guys always seem to come out to their dads last? I could be wrong on this, but it seems to me that gay guys put this off the longest when they're coming out. I havent told my dad mainly because I hardly ever see him and dont really have that much of a close relationship with him. I dont know what he'd think about it but I dont really care all that much. What is everyone elses excuse? Why do you, personally, feel more comfortable telling your mum over your dad? And, if you're a lesbian or other, would/have you come out to your dad last?
My dad is more accepting and open minded than my mom, but my mom actually brings up these kinds of conversations, so that's why I would come out to my mom first.
Well, my dad's easy to talk to, plus he has probably a much better clue about my sexuality than my mother. I'm not afraid of either of them being bad towards me though, but I'd rather tell my dad first
My guess is that for guys at least, most see their dad as the macho type, of an older generation, and someone who hasn't been too kind regarding gay guys. They've probably made negative comments about gay guys in front of their sons as a way of masculine bonding/joking. Guys want their dads to be proud of them so they are afraid that their dad, who has ridiculed gay guys, will be ashamed of them so they put off ol' dad until last or never.
I'd agree with this, minus the anti-gay references. I think that basically any breaking the masculine mold is far too intimidating for most gay guys.
I did actually end up coming out to my dad last, but not because I wanted to wait, just because I felt like I needed to do it in person and I don't see him all the time (at least, not as much as my mom) The reality is, I don't know much about father/son relationships, though, being a daughter myself. And also, my parents couldn't care less about who I'm interested in, as long as I'm happy and they treat me right.
I told my parents together, I thought it best that way, so one of them wouldn't resent it. Years ago I had thought it would be more difficult with my mother, but I realized thinking about if the months before I did that it would be easier with her. Both were fine about it, but my father has had moments of awkwardness. Once when I was feeling a bit down because I'd been single so long, he asked, "Would you consider deciding to be gay and celibate?", as if you can just decide you don't care about romance. My boyfriend from May till the start of this month was out to all his friends and his mother, but not his father.
I'm totally confused on how my dads reaction is eventually gonna be. He's always like "look at me I'm like George Clooney all the chicks dig me, and you should be fucking em too!" And than he's all like "I'm not traditional and I'm liberal." And I'm just like..."Dad, no. Not George Clooney."
Me and my mom have always had a better relationship so it was just easier to tell her. Me and my dad just talk about facts and there are barely any feelings involved. Which is great because he gives some amazing advice. At the end, my dad accepted it way easier than my mom because he is a very logical person and tries to not go with his feelings. My mom in the other hand... xD I do agree that telling a dad is usually harder, though. Just because they have a higher expectation, maybe? I don't really know.
I will be coming out to my dad today, a good two months after I came out to my mom. The reason for the wait is I've found it difficult to prepare for a largely emotional conversation with him. For my mom, it was pretty easy. She can tell if I'm distracted and want to talk about something. But for my dad, unless I'm physically showing pain -- and in the hospital -- he assumes everything is fine. It's also harder, I think, to predict the reaction of dads. And unless we're confident that they will support us fully, we're naturally more tentative to make that leap (especially when you're first coming out). Most (not all) moms have an air of unconditional love and support about them. Dads, and men in general, may not give you that support right away. After I tell my dad, he may not want to talk about it. He might not want to talk about this for weeks after. And that's what's taken me these few months to reconcile.
I plan on coming out to my dad last because of very similar reasons to what's already been said. He has high expectations for me and has a very low tolerance for everything even remotely gay. Hell, when the 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' deal was going on he must have ranted about tradition and how wrong it is to be gay for about half an hour. My mom, bless her heart, sat there and tried to have him change subject (she knows I'm Kinsey 5 Gay) and see that 'nothing has really changed, and she didn't really see anyone coming out soon because it was lifted.' I had to sit through the entire thing because we were in the car looking at Christmas lights on Christmas Eve. :/ I also fear him freaking out, he gets mad fast and when he does get mad he can be very violent. Being 15 I don't really have anywhere to go. Though I could go to my best friend's but that'd be temporary at best. :/ lol I kinda started to rant there a bit. sorry bout that.
