Finally came out to my parents

I'm 20 years old and basically everyone close to me, siblings, friends, ex-boyfriends, all know that I am a lesbian. I was dating again recently (that sort of fell apart, but that's another story).

Finally, on New Year's Eve, I decided I had enough of hiding and I came out to my parents. I wanted to start this year with a clean slate and try to be honest with people instead of hiding who I am and part of that is being able to stop using gender neutral pronouns when telling my mom about a date I was on. :lol:

My dad wasn't much of a concern, he's always been pretty laid back about things and he supports me whenever I have a crazy scheme (like moving half-way across the country, buying a motorcycle, or even just threatening to buy a van and live in it down by the river [none of which I ever actually did])

My mom was the worrying one, she's fairly religious and tends to fall into agreeing with O'Reilly and other conservatives when it comes to gay people. I was expecting yelling and anger from her or at least denial, y'know "Are you sure? Maybe this is just a phase?".

I didn't get either, I just got a look that said "I think the milk's gone sour" and she said "alright". It was a bit disappointing...my dad didn't say anything really...

The thing is, it's been nearly a month and neither of them have brought it up again. I know they probably needed some time to process and they have both gone out of their way to say "I love you" and hug me whenever they see me, but it seems like they are just ignoring the big pink elephant in the middle of the room.

Should I go with my instinct and send my mom some links to PFLAG articles or should I just ignore it until the topic has to come to light? (introducing them to someone I'm in a committed relationship with or something).

 

I guess I could give her a few more weeks, but I know my mother and I think she isn't processing as much as she is burying the knowledge in a deep hole and ignoring it.

It's irrational, but I just wish she and I could go back to way we were before. Things are awkward, it's like she's afraid to have a real conversation with me because the topic might come up...or maybe it's me being afraid to talk about it with her. I'm worried that if I push her to deal with it then I'll get the angry reaction I was worried about. :icon_sad:

It would be worse if I lived at home, but I moved out back in August.

 

I think you should give it time and put it from your mind. Your parents need time to come to terms with it just as how you must have needed some time to come to terms with it yourself.

If things don't improve and you get more concerned, there's nothing wrong with trying to help open their eyes. You know, and they know deep down, that nothing about you has changed. In fact, you're just trusting them and being true to yourself. You haven't truly changed at all, remind yourself, and them if need be, that.

 

Like everyone else said, your parents do need time to process the information. That being said, if you feel like the topic is being ignored then talk to your parents. Maybe even talk to only your dad and ask her how your mom is doing.

Talk to your dad, or mom, and let him know that you are wondering about how they are taking it and that you feel like the subject is being ignored and how that is worrying you.
There is the possibility that they think the best way to handle it is by completely ignoring the subject; just like we don't know how to come out, they don't know how to react after we come out, either.

Hope things get better and congrats on coming out!

 

Thanks for the advice and I'm planning to go to a PFLAG meeting to gauge how my parents my react to one if I got them to go. My brother even offered to go with me, which is awesome. He is the first person I ever came out to.

I might ask my dad if he would be interested in going to a PFLAG meeting at some point, he would be more open to it and maybe he could draw my mom in if he thought it was a good idea.

 

That sounds like a good plan. Just remember that PFLAG isn't for everyone out there, so don't lose hope if you parents decide that it isn't for them. I have yet to convince my parents to go, but they are really supportive of me right now.

Its also awesome that you have a supportive brother! He might also be able to help you out in gauging how your parents are taking the information by talking about the topic every so often in front of them and letting you how they react. Just an idea

Good luck with everything