The Final Step

My coming out began almost exactly one year ago. Many of you have been a part of it and I thank you. The past four months have been particularly intense and you've not heard much from me.

It turns out a former staff member began outing me in the parish within a week of me joining EC last February. My laptop is used for presentations so the password is well-known in the office. I'm a pretty trusting guy and it is a church. Jenn apparently got into my email folders and found emails sent to 4 close friends. I had just come out to my wife so it didn't take much to figure out what was happening. Jenn began sharing the news pretty quickly.

The "Fr Mike is gay" rumor stayed under the radar until August. In August I asked my organist at the time to make good on his retirement. I had the opportunity to bring in an amazingly talented young man who could put our new pipe organ on the map. There was a group that was very angry that I forced Larry to retire and this group was also in the loop on the gay rumor. These morphed into the accusation that I hired the new organist to be my new staff boy toy. This percolated until October when everything exploded.

The only solution was to tell the truth. My plan had been to come out in April 2012 but it was a longshot that I would make it that far. I was in no way prepared for this group of people who had been my parishioners for 7 years to believe and help spread such ugly fabrications. On Saturday, October 9, I sent out 143 coming out letters to the families in my parish. That monday I was outed to all of my colleagues in the diocese without my knowledge or permission by one of my deacons. At the end of October I sent letters and emails to all of my family and friends coming out. After this the magnitude of what I had done hit me and I shut down.

Then the battles began. November and December was an ongoing coup attempt by a few people to get me removed as the rector of my parish. Three things saved me. First, the rabid support of most of the people in my parish. Second, I have done nothing wrong. I've never broken an ordination or marriage vow. And third, and to my shock, it turns out the church grew 5.8 percent in 2010. This is the first year the church has grown in 10 years. For me it was God's big "I told you so." Coming out was not my destruction. It was actually the beginning of my salvation. And the congregation's.

If you know me you also know I've been pretty absent from EC. This has also been true of Facebook and email and snail mail. But I'm out of my shell. Finally. I may never catch up, but I'm back out in the open.

On Sunday night I was at a banquet with 600 people. They were clergy and parishioners from the various episcopal churches in town. The occasion was a visit by the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church. I realized everyone in the room knew I was gay. And in that same moment I realized I was proud of that. I looked around at my colleagues who are gay and I felt privileged to be part of that group. Special. Set apart for some great purpose. And I had a blast.

Yes, my wife and I have things to figure out. I'm moving slowly and cautiously. I'm not going to wreak financial disaster on my family by going crazy. At the same time I have friendships with two different men that have great potential for becoming more when I am free to pursue them fully.

I am lucky. I am blessed. I am proud. And I would never have dreamed this transition could happen in 12 months. I think I now know what it means to be "out."

Thanks be to God.
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