I came out to my best friend last Wednesday, and surprisingly he took it very well. I assured him that just because I am attracted to guys, doesn't mean that im going to hit on every single one i see, and he completely understood. Now though i keep getting this feeling whenever I want to tell anybody close to me that I am gay. I feel as if its my business and they shouldnt care whether or not I like guys or girls. Its really none of their business right? I just wish i could come out and not feel any mixed or bad feelings. -Wheeley.
CONGRATS on coming out to your Bestii!(which just reminded me that I forgot that I wuz talking to my bestii on facebook{I hope shes not mad}) I guess if you really feel like that and you trust the person...THEN GO FOR IT
From my experience i used to have strong urges to tell people and i couldnt understand it, some other friends of mine had this same problem, what he did was he just came out but didnt tell anyone, he waited for people to ask him and he would reply whats it to you? And if they said a harmless answer like im curious to know or something like that he would tell.
I actually went through the same thing. Thought I was going to take it slow, then came out to basically everyone important within a month or so. I think part of it is that you feel free. Not only are you finally open about it, but it went well! At least I saw that there was no trouble with it, so I just wanted to get it over with so I could "start my life," so to speak.
That's a normal part of the coming out process for most people. We all have some internalized homophobia and (justified) fear that we'll be judged, and while you're totally correct that it's nobody's business, the very fact that people *are* concerned and some *do* respond badly is what makes it a big deal. Over time, as you get more comfortable identifying yourself as gay, then it will be less of a big deal telling people. It will still be your business and your decision to tell, but it will have less impact on you when you do tell.
Thanks for addressing my issue Hopefully when I become more comfortable it will get easier telling people. I just dont want to announce it. To me the people who are blatantly announcing it are the really feminine overly drama'd gay guys or very masculine "butch" gals. I think everybody should be able to do what they want to do, but thats not me.
Feminine guys and butch gals aren't that way because it's "what they want to do." They have always, always been like that. When they were kids, he wanted to play with Barbies, and she liked monster trucks. As four-year-olds, they were surely not "announcing their sexuality." In fact, there are feminine guys and butch gals who are not gay. Gender and sexuality are related but distinct issues. You are not expected to adopt any feminine characteristics just because you are gay. Well, some straight people might expect that, especially female friends who want to take you shopping, but gay people don't generally expect that. You should continue behaving in whatever way feels natural to you. You are right that your private feelings aren't really anyone's business. But straight people talk about them all the time; it's a bonding experience for them to talk about members of the opposite sex. Why should you not have the experience of confiding in people close to you about the people you are attracted to? And having it as a secret can be harmful to you psychologically, can cause depression. And of course there is the political reason for coming out--people are much more likely to support gay rights if they know that a close friend or family member is gay. They are even more likely to support gay rights if they know that an acquaintance or coworker is gay. It changes everything for people, when the issue concerns a real person they know, instead of whatever their imagination has produced about gay people.
