I just wanted to share my (revised) coming out letter that I have written to my parents. The one I wrote before contained a ton of depressing and negative conotations and I really tried my hardest to make this one a lot more positive and less doom and gloom. I would honestly appreciate any feedback or suggestions that any of you have. I just want to thank anyone who has been supportive w/ me and had helped me to fix my letter. Thank you all! I hope to FINALLY send this thing out tomorrow after work. *Yeah yeah I know I said that last Sunday as well! hehe* ******************************************************************* Mom and Dad, I’m writing you this letter because there is something important that I need to let you know. This is something that has been eating away at me for so long and honestly I have made myself physically ill because of it. It’s difficult for me to write this, but mom and dad, I am gay. I know this is a lot to take in right now, but honestly I could not bare to keep this to myself any longer. I’m sorry that I could not have told you this sooner, but I have finally just come to terms with it all myself. I finally just felt like the time was now to admit to myself and to everyone around me the real truth. I understand that you are most likely shocked and may be even a little sad and/or angry because of this, but there is nothing that I can do to change this about myself. Believe me, I have tried for so long to not be this way. I convinced myself for the longest time that I could just live my life without ever letting anyone know, but I have realized that it has been making me feel dead inside. I just want to let you know how extremely hard it is for me to even be writing this to you. I wish that I could have told you this in person, but I felt like writing it in a letter would be the easiest way for me to say everything that I needed to say. I have worried and lost so many nights of sleep wondering when I would be able to do this, and now I am happy to finally say that I have done so. I understand that it is going to take time for you both to process this all and I understand if you may be upset. I guess, like I said before, I have finally accepted that this is the way I am and that I can’t do anything to change that fact. I know there is so much more that I could say to you both, but at this moment, I can’t think of anything more to say than I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I am putting you through this and I wish more than anything that things could be different. I know I hardly ever say this, but I love you both very much and I look forward to hearing from you soon. Love your son,
Better, more concise but you are still repeating yourself of the points that it is hard for you to write the letter and that they will be shocked and upset, I think it is enough just to say it once. I have understood from your letter that ; this is very hard for you, you don't want to upset them, you have tried to fight it but can't, that you love them and that you are very sorry for all this potential upset... as though you are responsible for your being gay. Don't be so hard on yourself What I don't get from the letter is what you want from them, what you need from and anything good about your homosexuality. Can you find something positive to say about being gay. What good things has it bought to your life. What are you hoping from your parents? You might like to tell them why you are telling them ie; you don't want to lie to them you want to honour and respect them, that you are proud to have them as parents and would like them to be proud of you for the man that you are and look past your sexual orientation, that you hope that this honesty will bring you together. You don't seem like a touchy feely family so communication is all you have left. Say clearly what you want from them and even tell them why... because you need them in your life and you love them. PS you seem very hard on yourself over your homosexuality, give yourself a break, there are worse things to be. I'll send you a list if you like:dry: Good luck, got my fingers crossed for you... not easy to type but there you go!
I've decided to stop "dicking around" and I have sealed the letter in the envelope and it's ready to be sent. I know there were improvements that could have been made but I'm ready to just get this shit over with now...
:icon_sad: Well I sent it yesterday and still no response. I feel like I am contstantly sick in my stomach waiting for a response. Right now I would even take a negative response, this is killing me...
Well I got a repsonse, but it was a wierd one. My dad left me a voicemail, his voice was shaking, and he was talking about how I never let him know if I was coming home the next week and that he loved me too. The only problem is that he never mentioned the letter at all, even though I know they got it. I just feel like they're are in denial and aren't going to want to talk about it and I'll be back at square one in the closet again. Anyone have any advice or has anyone had something similiar happen!?
Hang on in there, you're doing good, you aren't back in the closet promise. Give your parents gentle nudges to keep them on the right tracks of acceptance, this is good, well mayby not good but certainly not bad.
My first reaction was that he wants to know when you're next visiting because they obviously want to chat to you about it. The fact that he is asking about that suggests that you are welcome there. Call them back and try to fix up when you are next seeing them. Try to make it as soon as possible, preferably within the next week or so. Don't expect much or any discussion about the letter over the phone, that would be better in person anyway. Meanwhile have a look at the Parental Stages of Acceptance sticky in the Support and Advice section. It should help you begin to understand what they are going through right now. They know and it looks like they want to chat with you about it when you next see them. That's not back in the closet. It's just a horrible wait until you get to see them (which is why I suggested doing so as soon as you can).
Well I had the talk w/ my dad over the phone and it went better than I ever dreamed it could be. I just feel so pathetic for wasting so much time not telling anyone about who I really was for so long. I feel like I wasted so much of my life so far staying in the closet. I really am so happy for all of the young teens on here who were able to be honest w/ themselves and their parents like I never could. Well anyways he told me that he always knew that I migh be gay and that he could sense it and that he wasn't stupid. I told them about how I was more worried about them and their reaction than even myself and he pretty much said that they are fine w/ this and just always wanted me to be happy. He asked if I have ever had attractions to women and I said that I always tried and never felt anything. He also asked if I was seeing anyone and if I wanted to. I pretty much said no and that I wan't ready for anything like that at all right now, which is true. He said the "cliche" fear about me getting AIDS, and I reasured him that I'm the same person and that I'm not all of the sudden going to go out and start having sex w/ everyone, or anyone at all. Oh and after I said that I wasn't ready for anyone or wasn't interested he asked if I would be happy alone, and I said no, that I hope to find someone when I'm ready. So to sum it up, it looks like I had nothing to worry about and that I wasted sooo much time beating myself over this. I'm so happy to finally be done w/ this and I never have to worry about telling them again. (!) The best thing to find is how much my dad was so cool w/ this and how I know that he will always have my back if anyone tries to mess w/ me. It's so wired because my father has always used the word faggot and talked bad about gays, but now it's like he's so different. I always thought he would disown me, but he didn't. The only bad thing is that I haven't talked to my mom yet about it, and I knew that she would be quiet about it and not want to talk about it, that's just her way. I heard her voice in the background and she seemed fine so I guess it's ok. They aren't sitting there feeling bad, they are even going camping this weekend and still living their lives. I thought I was going to ruin their lives, but nothing has changed and I guess they always really knew. Sorry for such a long post, but I felt like I needed to get this out. I'm just so happy to finally be out as who I am...
that's so happy! wow that is such an uplifting story, it's made me really happy for you. congratulations on being so brave and i hope that now u can really live ur life in a positive and open way :icon_bigg congratulations!! i hope that things all go ur way from now on.:eusa_clap
Thank you so much! It's crazy how much time I wasted worrying about this and it feels awesome that maybe I could help someone else w/ my *lame* story. hehe
