Well, I came out to my parents last night It was great and I'm happy I did. I'm kind of wondering though, will I ever get to the point where I can completely freely speak about it? Do I have to tell all of my friends so I can do that? Do I have to tell more distant friends as well?
Of course you will. As time passes and your confidence grows, the easier it will be to talk about your feelings. It is not written in stone that you must tell every one of your friends to be comfortable with yourself, but as for myself, I prefer almost everyone to know. When I tell them, it feels like it's an intimate piece of information that brings us both closer together when they accept me. Of course, there is always the fear of the opposite reaction, but for me it feels as if they have a negative reaction then they weren't really my friend in the first place. It feels like a weight lifts off your shoulders when you have told everyone, but be aware that being open could have negative consequences. Despite those consequences if you decide to come out to your friends, I encourage your decision. Also, no-one says you have to tell everyone at once. Actually, it's usually better and easier on yourself to tell people gradually. Don't rush things, but only come out to someone when you're completely comfortable with yourself and know the repercussions if they don't agree with your sexuality. I'm not being pessimistic, more trying to be realistic. There will be those people in this world that I will not tell I am homosexual just because I know it will start an argument and it is not worth the energy for me to fight with them about it, especially when it's not their life. Of course, there is always the opposite that could occur. You should probably be almost certain of how someone will take it before you say it, and it may get to the point where you don't care anymore whether or not they dislike it, but until that point, don't put pressure on yourself. You will be more and more comfortable with the idea over time.
congrats on telling your parents. usually thats the hardest thing to do. over time you will be more comfortable with talking about it more openly. it took my parents a while but they joke around with me about it now and i tell my mom about the girls ive dated and things like that and you dont HAVE to tell all of your friends. you tell who you feel comfortable with. maybe just bring it up if a conversation gets on that topic like "oh speaking of (blah blah blah)...." if that makes sense. you do what you're comfortable with. it'll eventually all fall into place for you
Thanks, but I still can't see myself just bringing it up in normal conversation at all... I mean I can't see myself speaking openly about it with everyone, and that is what is bothering me. Does it get easier to talk about it and to tell people about your sexuality?
First of all, congratulations! It must be such a relief. It gets easier with every one (with the exception of parents, I think, but you've got that already!). It can be a little harder for some people to speak openly about it than others. It took me a couple of years after I first told people to actually talk about it. It was just a small self-aware joke, but actually after the first time I did it talking about it got a lot easier. Some people are born an open-book, some like to take their time. Neither way is the wrong way! Top-tip, don't get a patronising friend like mine who acts shocked and 'proud' everytime you tell someone. I can laugh about it now (and do when he *still* does it) but it really jars the conversation and doesn't help with the "no big deal" vibe you're trying to give off!
I'm not even "out" in the classical sense of the word (as in to my parents, on my facebook, etc.) and I talk about it openly. It will come when your ready.
Another thing is that my parents told me that they are completely fine with it, but that maybe I don't have to tell people about it yet. They didn't mean it's because they're ashamed, they meant it's because I can't know how someone will react and if I don't need to tell people yet, I shouldn't. What do you think?
^ I don't really agree with your parent's reasoning. I mean, you will never know how people will react, and if you wait until you "need to," it'll be more pressured, and stressful. Tell everyone when you're ready.
I have found that it's surprisingly easy to talk about it with friends, or at least friends you really trust. I couldn't picture it in my head, but when it actually happened it didn't seem like such a big deal at all. It ends up feeling just like any other conversation. It really helps when your friends are open to talking about it, and treat it like something perfectly normal. With my parents...well, we still don't talk about it. They are 100% completely fine with me being gay, but I still feel awkward bringing it up. I think it mostly has to do with our relationship in general. We don't talk about personal things a lot. Also, congrats on coming out!
Congrats, man!! Yea, you'll know whether it's safe to tell someone, like in the situation where you've known someone for a while and if you want to say, for example, that you and your bf went to a great movie over the weekend. Simple stuff like that, just talking about your life. You'll know who you can trust with being open like that. At least I hope it can be like that in Israel too.
Thanks I think I could just bring it up in conversation eventually, people are very accepting here, but probably not yet... maybe after high school or in later years. The thing I'm wondering is whether I should just tell my friends (I have told 3 trustworthy friends already) and then it will probably spread across the school. The other option is not to tell any more people until I have reason to (ie. boyfriend). But you can assume that people here are as accepting as people in the US.
Well, you can tell other people if you want to and feel safe doing so. From what I've read on here about people your age, their peers are cool with gay friends. They are friends with you for who you are. You'll have to gauge whether they are safe to come out to. You could wait a while to see how you feel about telling more people. It's not a race. I hope it goes well if you decide to come out to more friends.
Congrats on coming out to your parents, firstly! And secondly, you're parents are probably just worried about you. It's normal. But you yourself should know when and who to tell. Telling your friends is usually a good idea only if you're ready for the news to spread like wildfire. Cause honestly, it just might. :lol:
When I went to university I kind of relied on the grapevine because I couldn't be bothered to tell everyone individually (and I don't really make it obvious), that's backfired at my new university, they don't seem to be as gossipy here :lol:. So now I'm having to tell people, and when they wonder why I didn't tell them before I have to explain I thought they would have known. Anyway, if you're careful who you tell, only people you trust, there shouldn't be much of a problem.
