My positive coming out story

I'm new here, and newly out. I have a positive coming out story to share. First a little background. I'm 32 years old. Deep down I think I've known I was gay all my life. I definitely came to the realization the summer after my junior year in college while working at a Girl Scout Camp. Go figure. :icon_wink I've been hiding it ever since. 12 years! Not so much hiding as ignoring it. I've focused my attention on other aspects of my life and ignored the personal relationship part. Every time the topic would come up as far as me having a boyfriend or something like that, I'd smile uncomfortably, say "nope, no time for a boyfriend, and hope we'd move on to the next subject quickly. Over the last couple years, I've gotten tired of hiding it. It has effected my health in other ways.

I started going to counseling at the beginning of March. March 1st to be exact. That in and of itself was a HUGE step. It was the first time I'd ever told anyone in person I was gay. I've chatted with a few people online at dating websites, but never in person. It helped to have someone to talk to that I'm not close to. As uncomfortable as it was, it was necessary. Because of counseling and some things I worked through there, I came out to my really good friend ("S") on March 31st. I wrote her a letter because coming out in person was out of the question. I knew I could get my message out easier and give her time to digest my thoughts. It would not have come out the same if I were talking to her in person. Her response was INCREDIBLE!!! I knew she would be accepting, that's why I chose to tell her first. I really had no idea she would be so awesome. I emailed her at work about an hour and a half before she got off work and said I left a letter on her front porch that I would like her to read. She anxiously waited for the time to go home. She got home, opened up the letter and basically read to the part that said, "I'm gay." and called me right up. She didn't even finish the letter. After I said, "hello" with my heart pounding out of my chest, she said, "I knew."

She told me that she knew. She told me that she had an idea that I was gay for quite some time and that if I was going to tell her, I would and if I didn't want to, that's okay. Then she said, okay I've got to finish the letter now....and hung up.

She called me back as soon as she finished and said so many wonderful things. She told me how honored she was in the fact that I felt I could trust her to tell her first. She told me that anything I need she’s there for me. Whether it’s just to know or to be by my side if I want to tell other people. She said via email the following day, "I think that there is so much exploring, acceptance, and rejuvenation in your future. I look forward to standing by your side, literally and figuratively, as you forge ahead." among other things. Seriously....how can you get much better of a response than that.

Because of her incredible response I decided to come out to Mom, Dad, and Sister sooner than later. I came out to my friend on a Thursday and came out to my parents and sister on Saturday. I came out to them in email form. We live near each other and have a good relationship but I couldn't face telling them in person. I knew they would be okay with it. We just don't have that kind of relationship. While they are very supportive of me and what I do, we've never, ever talked about personal relationships of any kind. We never talk about feelings. Everything is pretty much surface stuff. Both my parents responded with short emails that basically said they support me and am the same person I've always been and they're glad I faced it with counseling. That's all that has been said with them. That's probably all that will be said with them. I'm okay with that.

My sister (fraternal twin) sent me the most awesome email the following day after leaving me on pins and needles for 24 hours. Basically saying that she supports me and how sad she was that I felt I couldn't talk to her or mom or dad about it. She realizes why...because of the environment we grew up in. She has been dealing with that the last few years and I am just starting to. Her support, encouragement, and kind words were just what I needed.

I had a REALLY good talk with S that I told the following Tuesday. We talked for about an hour and half about me, my past, and what I want for my future. It was truly amazing. I am so lucky to have her as a friend.

So far, those are the only 4 people that know. My only other plan is to tell 4 of my other friends (who "S" knows). That will happen on May 11th when we're all together and I know S will be by my side. I'm still very much closeted. It feels good to know that I've made the first step. If and when I get into a relationship, I plan to be more open with people I already know, but don't see much need before that.

 

Thanks for all your congratulations and support. Things are going well. I'm in a holding pattern right now as far as coming out goes. One other thing my friend "S" emailed me after I came out to her was this...

"What you actually left on my porch was a barrel of bricks, made of worry, stereotypes, fear, secrets, and shame...hoping you're leaving a little more behind with each day~ 5.11.11 will be a great day. Just like 3.31.11"

That's exactly how I feel. Leaving more and more behind each day. I'm just living my life right now and thankful that "coming out" is not consuming my thoughts every hour like it was a few weeks ago. I'm going to a meetup on Thursday to meet other lesbians in my area. Kind of scary, but I did it once before and lived to tell about it. :icon_wink

So, no plan to come out more until 5/11. I will definitely keep you all posted. Thanks!

 

I am breathing a huge sigh of relief as I told my other 4 close friends last night. It was the first time I've come out to someone in person that I'm close to. Their response was amazing! They bombarded me with hugs as I was sitting on the couch right after I said it which was kind of a blur. Mostly they were glad that it wasn't something more serious like I was really sick or something. That's what they were thinking when I started talking.

They basically said that it doesn't matter and that they still love me and all that great stuff. I emailed them this morning thanking them for being so awesome and accepting and here is some of their responses.

"So proud of you."

"So happy you could get that off your chest & finally begin to accept yourself...by allowing us in. We are all very fortunate to have heard you say the things you did & that you trusted in us "

"Well I can tell you right now.... I have an issue with you being gay we love you girl... " (This coming from a gay guy who was obviously joking.) :icon_wink

"Like everyone has said, we Love You regardless no can ever change that!"

So, that's that! Moving on with my "new life."