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Just started tiptoeing out...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by meekie, Apr 23, 2011.

  1. meekie

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    I think most people coming out nowadays are probably younger than I am - I'm in the upper end of my 20s. I've been in the closet for so long, and I feel terrible for that, but this is incredibly hard for me - I think it's equal parts me being a chicken, feeling guilty for lying so long (I have had heterosexual relationships in the past), and my Christian school upbringing. I told my best friend last night, she was surprised but fine with it (I'm honestly surprised she's surprised - I kind of figured a lot of people had assumed anyhow). I have three coworkers that know, now - one of them is straight, the other two aren't.

    I don't know that I'll every be able to tell my mom. I'm not in contact with my father, so that won't be an issue, but my mom - I remember there was a time where she thought my brother might be gay, and she had a melt-down. She's so sensitive anyhow, I don't want to make her cry. Ugh, you see? I'm a chicken.
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi, Meekie! Welcome to EC... There are plenty of people coming out in their 20s, 30s and even later... and quite a few here on EC as well!

    The part about lying for so long is something nearly every older person coming out experiences. But the truth is... nobody cares. I'm one who came out much later, and I had exactly the same concerns, and when I did finally come out, not a single person got angry or upset that I'd, uh, misrepresented my sexual orientation... and I think you'll hear the same from many other ECers.

    As for your mom... you might be surprised. There's no rush to tell her (or anyone else) but very often people handle it much better than expected, particularly when they've already had to confront the possibility.

    But take your time... read some of the stories here, ask questions, and talk to people here. And start taking steps as you feel comfortable doing so :slight_smile:
     
  3. Mirko

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    Hi there, and welcome to EC! :slight_smile: First off, congratulations on your coming out journey thus far. Letting your best friend and a few co-workers know is already a huge accomplishment! That's awesome! :thumbsup:

    As you continue to come out and gain acceptance and support, things will become easier and coming out to your mom won't seem such a daunting task anymore. As you built up your support network, the more comfortable you will also feel with the idea of coming out to your mom. From what you have mentioned, it seems that your mom might need some time to get used to it and adjust to it but know that most parents will come around.

    There is no reason to feel terrible about staying in the closet for a long time. We all come out in our own time and when we feel it is right for us. I started coming out three years ago. Do I feel at times that I have missed things? Yes, I do, but at the same time, I am trying to make the most of it now. I'm still learning to navigate through new things and in the process learn new things about me.

    The most important thing here is not when you have started to come out, but when you feel ready and comfortable to come out to someone. Coming out is not a race, and there is no rush. (*hug*)
     
  4. meekie

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    Thanks for the welcome :slight_smile:

    I suppose I just wish I had the courage to come out when I knew, instead of being a 'late starter' now. Oh gosh, it's almost like having to go through puberty all over again, except this time with real feelings (and less pimples). I noticed that my local LGBT center around here has a group discussion for people coming out weekly, so I think I'll try to attend that. It's a bit of a drive for me, but I'm thinking it could help my over-all anxieties - though I have to get over immediate anxiety to just get through the door and meet people. Does anyone have experience with these types of groups?

    At any rate, thanks for the welcome :slight_smile: I look forward to posting more as I progress through and outta this closet.
     
  5. Mirko

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    Hi there! I think attending meetings at your local LGBT centre is a great idea. Being among others who have gone through what you are going through at the moment and being able to share experiences could really help you in becoming more comfortable with yourself.

    Usually LGBT support groups are very welcoming and provide for a safe space, where you can be yourself. A little while ago, I belonged to a group myself, and it helped me a lot during my coming out. The group had weekly meetings and social events such as coffee get togethers and movie nights.

    My first time walking into the office was pretty nerve wracking. I was so nervous that I could barley talk and ran out of there after not even a minute in there. Going in the second time was a bit better, but it still took me a little while before I felt really comfortable with going into the office and be part of the group. Before going on the second time, I told my self, "it is just a group of people, like any other group." What helped me further was to start talking to others and trying to get to know them. As I continued going in, and talking to others, I started feeling more comfortable with being in the office.

    Before you go in, take a deep breath and tell yourself that things are going to be okay. What might help as well, ask your friend to join you for your first couple of meetings. Having some support might make it feel less daunting.