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who has lost a friend because you came out to them?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by BettyBoopGuido, Apr 26, 2011.

  1. BettyBoopGuido

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    hi all,
    i first came out awhile back and the first person i told was a girl who i thought was a good friend of mine- she told me she accepted it and acted like she was fine with it... then when i told my other friend matt, then she tells me she has a bad feeling about my friend matt who is gay and has been wonderful even before i came out as a lesbian... she starts wondering why i told him and thought i came out to soon and then a few months down the road, she starts not calling me back, not wanting to hang out and i tried to call her and no response.. i finally let her go and i'll admit, there are times i want to call her, but i don't...

    so i am wondering, has this happened to you and how did you deal with it? did you see it coming or did it just happen?
     
  2. Giorria

    Giorria Guest

    I've lost most of my so called friends since coming out to them. Some said they were accepting but then distanced themselves, others just didn't like it. To be honest I don't care for people like that anymore. Anybody who's going to have issues with me being gay is not someone I want as a friend, theres more to people in the LGBT spectrum then their sexuality and thats what ignorant people fail to see.
     
  3. malachite

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    I lost 2, but I'm better off without them. More importantly, I've gained new ones, and found out who I would rather have in my life.
     
  4. Zontar

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    I pick who I come out to expressly for that purpose. What's the gain in losing otherwise decent friends, I reasoned.
     
  5. Hot Pink

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    It hasn't happened to me yet. I've been rather blessed on that. I told my friends about seven months ago and they still support me--some more than others, though. One of my friends tried to talk me out of coming out to my parents and we weren't getting a long for a while. After I came out to my parents and he realized they were fine with me, he went back to normal.

    Now, however, he's getting weird again because I want to come out to a new friend in our group. I wonder if it's going to keep happening like that.
     
  6. ToTheCeilingFan

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    I've been happily surprised in a few cases and disappointed in others. I figure that anyone who cannot accept me for who I am was never much of a friend in the first place. It's still painful though.
     
  7. mike6557

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    i did lose one, but i'm pretty sure its because at the time he found out he already began his downward spiral into more-than-recreational drug use. lifes the same, if not better, without negativity
     
  8. Jewel

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    Yeah, it has happened to me. I told this one friend, who I thought I could trust, and she said she was okay with it and all, and the next day at school we were talking about gays and stuff, and she suddenly was all negative about them and that all gays are wrong and that kinda shit. And I was like WTF? And she said: 'Oh, sorry Jewel!!! I forgot, you are gay too!' And that in front of everyone! And everyone was like: Oh, gross! So I bitchslapped her and walked out of the classroom.
    And then later, during lunch, a few girls, who I didn't really like, didn't really dislike, came over and said: Is it really true? Are you into girls? And I said yes, and they said: Well, we don't actually mind, and we get it if you don't want to sit with R (my so-called friend) anymore, so why don't you come sit with us?
    This happened last week. I really like my new friends.
     
  9. AtmaWeapon

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    Never had it happened granted I am selective, or have been selective who I tell. If I know/sense there is real trust there, I have faith they'll be okay with it in that they won't treat me bad on the account of being the way I am. People who I know are more religious than others I hesitate to tell for their own sake. Doesn't seem worth it, unless I see them or talk to them often. So, so far so good. It still doesn't remove the anxiety. I don't make much or any effort to not come off as 'gay' so I'm sometimes wondering if they're wondering.
     
  10. Beachboi92

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    i've lost many, and i don't care now because i have a number of real friends that i much prefer to my old ones.
     
  11. Daryn

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    I chose to let go of a family member because of the way she was acting and some of the things she said. All my friends have been great, it's my family that I know will be terrible if I decide to really be out. I'm really sorry about your friend, but sometimes that just happens.
     
  12. roborama

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    quite a few but i made some better ones:slight_smile:
     
  13. SallyFishsticks

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    A few friends but maybe they weren't really friends. I've made some new friends though.
     
  14. CrazyAntFarm

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    I pulled a double on a friend of mine 2 weeks ago. I came out by telling him I had feelings for him. I didn't even believe he felt the same way, but I wanted to be honest with him about everything cause I trusted him. Although he said that he didn't care about me being gay, he pretty much cut all contact with me. Guess that's a loss, huh?

    In his defense, I supposed I gave him too much credit. Something told me he wouldn't be able to deal with it, but I just had to get it out. These type of situations really show you who your real friends are. It's hurts, but hey, what can you do?

    Life goes on.
     
  15. IanGallagher

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    Same thing here, one friend's homophobic and has no idea. He saw a gay rights poster in the subway and started cracking jokes about it. I tried to reason with him. But, he wouldn't have it. I wanted to say, "look dude, you say gay guys are like this and that... well, I'm bi, you had no idea did you?" But, I just let it slide. I knew him since we were kids, we rarely see each other anyways. What's the point?
     
  16. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    I feel lucky. My reactions have not ended many friendships, or any at all. I made sure all the friends I cared about knew before they found out, so I think I am set with friends. I am much more worried about extended family, but that is going to be awhile from now...
     
  17. Fairybread

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    Ive lost a few, and yea, it sucks...
     
  18. rangerfan

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    I have to agree with beachboi, i have lost a couple of friends but i also gained new ones that accept for who i am.
     
  19. Lexington

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    I lost not a one.

    Lex
     
  20. Toneth

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    well I lost a friend, just one, but then I realized that he wasn't my friend in the first place, or he would have accepted me for who I am, truthfully, I feel relieved that I don't have people like that in my life, only people who care and want good things for me :slight_smile: