So I finally told my parents...

Well,

I'm so glad I stumbled across this site back in January or so. I think that the community and rescources available here have been almost invaluable in both my coming out to and accepting myself, and coming out to my brother, good friends and yesterday, my parents.

After a good couple of years battling with my own feelings I can finally say that my mind is at rest.

I wrote a letter over a month ago. Despite it being ready to send and knowing it was ready to go I couldn't bring myself to send it to them. I guess I was most scared about the fact that once it's done - I cant really take it back. And I didn't want to hurt them. So as long as I didn't send it, I didn't have to hurt them.

So yesterday I was feeling really awful because of a few unfortunate events and the ever looming thought of telling my parents and what that would mean.

I decided previously that if this happened again - feeling as though everything was crumbling around me - that I would send the letter.

I phoned my parents and started talking. They were very cheery, but I couldn't really concentrate on the things they were talking about. I felt a horrible buzzing pressure whether to tell them yet or not. I decided I didn't want to go to bed feeling like this.

So, I cut the call, because I didn't feel like talking. I found the letter on my iPhone and went to send it to my dad's email. I only typed in the first letter when it suggested the rest, so - there it was. Ready to go. I pressed send and felt like screaming and that was it. No going back.

I phoned them back and told them to go on skype so I could see them. I asked for mum to join. They were happy to see my face. *I said I'd sent them an email and that they should read it and then phone me back. They looked concerned. I rung off.

Then I waited.

I got a call back on skype and my dad looked calm and my mum was crying. She said "I just wish you'd said something sooner." "It doesn't change anything." "I had no idea you had been going through all of these awful things," speaking of my depression and denial and everything else.*"I'm sure you'll meet someone that you feel comfortable to be in a relationship with," (a guy, not a girl)

My dad said, "you are still our wonderful son," and "you only get one shot at this, (life) so you just need to make the most of it." And, "this is your life now, and you need to live it, and enjoy it.

And they were just so glad I told them and that this ordeal was over for me. Wow. I am so glad too.

*I was just sobbing and laughing because they are so brilliant and I said I was so sorry for not telling them sooner. I wasn't ready any sooner though.

It was getting late and I eventually made my way home and later conversation turned to another topic and I wished them good night and they said they loved me.

Today my brother gave me a ring to say he was proud of me for telling them. (I told him back in January and his response was also as positive.) "Great job."

So, that's that. I'm sure I'll stick around and post sometimes, but I just wanted to let people know how this went for me.

The monster I had created in wanting to come out but not wanting to hurt anyone was all in my head.

Now I can breath out. Get on with my life. Maybe meet the right guy for me.

---------- Post added 11th May 2011 at 08:14 PM ----------

Sorry there seems to be a few *s in there - for some reason in copying this from notes on my phone to here it added them.

 

Thanks people. I'm feeling a lot better since I told them. Just to add, as I hadn't written above, I live and work in a different country to my family and I needed to tell them so I didn't feel so distanced from them.

I keep in good contact with them and I really needed this awful barrier to be gone - now I can just be at ease when I talk to them.