Slightly insane

Religious town, no actual lgbt groups. I'm pretty open with myself, I knew i had an interest in other girls since 13. I guess, it really came down to me not really having a huge interest in guys. And i was kind of closed off from anything new until then. Thats when I watched my first episodes of buffy the vamp slayer. I kno it's weird, but i saw willow and taras relationship on there and things started clicking from there. I asked myself questions for about 2 years. Then i moved where i am now. Dated a guy in higschool. Didnt have any real feeling, just one of those, "hey i think your really cool and funny" things. Then i really fell for someone. a girl. by then, id gotten used to the idea. But coming out about it was a different story.

Funny thing. My parents knew before i did. and the same for my older sister. Most of my friends took it well. Funny thing about being open with myself, i trust a lot, and get burned a lot, but the people that i end up keeping are the most loyal people u could ever meet. I dont think ive really run into a big problem with it, but then again, its only the people super close to me that ive told.

i dated a girl when i was 18. Things fell apart on my end. I think i got scared to tell you the truth. Dated guys for awhile, confusing myself. Didnt have any real feeling to it, so the 2 guys i dated (at different times, no bad thoughts people :lol didnt last long. i found another girl i hit the floor for. Here's where i really got confused, see, she played me basically, or thats how it felt. I still havent really figured it out yet. I dated a guy off and on after that. I really cared about him. He really loved me. Thats where i went wrong i think tho. It's not fair. I had no real attraction toward him. I had fun with him all the time, talking and going out, but i just didnt feel it for him the way he felt for me.

I dont get it. It just feels like, there isnt a lot of people up here to talk to about this, and if i cant even find anyone to talk to about it let alone anyone who is in the same ball park, how am i supposed accept it? I'm not looking for a date or nuthin (if i find one great) just be nice to know there are people up here that get it, go through the same problems, or have gone through them. Something.... ugh. my story. long i know, sorry. anyone have advice that would be great. im glad i found somewhere to go though. :icon_bigg

Ariel

 

thanks. I guess so. I just know it gets frustrating. Finding a guy around here to date is easy. We have a military base, and new people are up here all the time. I've been asked out. Its just frustrating cause there just isnt any place to even meet new friends. And im not talking just lgbt friends, but anyone. to small a place. not seriously tiny, but the town is mostly churches and food places, and giant regular stores like kmart, walmart, etc. So how come not with the open with yourself? Just not ready?