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the worst day of my life

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by hplsromantic, May 22, 2011.

  1. hplsromantic

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    this is the worst day of my life, but it could have been worse.

    i've been in love with this guy, we hang out all the time and just get along really well, so i've held out the hope that he was gay and closeted and that i just needed to wait for him to be ready, he's known i'm gay for a while now, but i never said anything and he didnt know about my feelings for him. well today he unintentionally said something that confirmed to me that he is actually straight, and it tore my heart out, and i left without saying much.

    this is the texting conversation we had afterward. it's not a happy ending, but it was the best reaction i could have asked for, and i think it's important to show that good relationships can exist between straight guys and gay guys:

    (it starts with me, and i put a space between what i said and what he said)

    Me: Sorry man, I really wasn’t pissed and you didn’t do anything wrong

    Him: It’s cool dude
    We all have shitty days

    Shitty is right, well I didn’t want to freak you out, but I liked you, so I just had a hard time after you asked that question. I’ll get over it.

    Shit, I’m sorry man.

    Ya, well it’s my fault so don’t feel bad.

    I do feel bad, and I don’t blame you for taking it hard.

    Thanks man. I cant be sure right now, I either need space, or I need for things to stay normal. Thanks for being cool though

    It’s totally cool. Whatever you want to do. But yeah I’ve only ever had girlfriends, im sorry.

    Ya I get that. I know people don’t turn and I’d be a horrible person if I tried.

    You are a super cool guy, but it’s like you wouldn’t date a girl. I’m rooting for you in the long run dude. You will find someone.
    That first sentence didn’t come out how I wanted… I was just agreeing with you

    No dude, I got it. I was gonna say that’s pretty much exactly how it is and that most people don’t quite get it that well. I’m glad you’re cool though. And now that this is all in the open, I think itll go away faster than I thought.

    Yeah man. And I totally respect you for being who you are instead of what society says you should be.
    Society sucks

    Yup. Thanks dude. I should have told you this earlier. I still feel like shit, but less bad than before.
    I think part of what I was feeling was friend love not romantic cause I knew this was coming, I was just in denial. Now that denial is gone it’s less confusing.

    Cool man

    ------------------------------

    so now i'm bursting into tears every 20 minutes or so, but i still have a best friend that i no longer have any secrets from, so i think eventually it's ok.
     
  2. Eleanor Rigby

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    Well, I am sorry for you that your crush doesn't return your feelings for him, but in the same time I'm glad that you're having an awesome friend. I think it's great that you open up to him about your feelings and that you've been able to clarify the situation, and I think his reaction is amazing. It's very cool that he is so understanding and not weird out at all.
    I hope that you're not going to have too much of a hard time to get over him. It seems that you have found the perfect guy for buiding a great friendship when you'll be over him.
    Take care, Cécile
     
  3. Lolguy

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    While the ending wasn't very pleasant, finding out he was straight, I think he has even more respect for you now than he ever did. It takes a lot of guts to tell someone who's straight that you like them. He's also a pretty cool friend for taking it so well.
    Try not to beat yourself up too much. You'll no doubt find someone who's perfect for you. Just keep hanging in there.
     
  4. vncc14

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    I'm so sorry to hear about this... I feel you, because I've been through this situation. I've had crushes on straight guys before and I only had the nerve to tell one person. It turned out that he didn't have the same feeling for me. That night was definitely one of the worst nights that I had had. The next few days I was still feeling shitty, both mentally and physically. I couldn't even eat properly. Trust me, I thought I would never get out of it. But time heals. Yes... it just takes time. Trust me, you will get over him. Right now at this moment you might be feeling really bad thinking you can't get out of it, but you definitely will... You don't have to force yourself to forget everything, to be strong, to not cry... Let it out, cry if you need to... And things will change naturally. Just try not to be alone too much. Try to be with your friends more or find things to keep yourself occupied.

    Time will heal it, that I'm sure of. Good luck, my friend.
     
    #4 vncc14, May 22, 2011
    Last edited: May 22, 2011
  5. borntosurvive

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    I feel so sorry for you, I have a crush on a straight guy too. Don't worry though, the crush will eventually die down, especially now that you know he's straight. Don't get too upset about it, and always look at the bright side!
     
  6. hplsromantic

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    thanks everyone.. it's been a pretty tearful day, and i've called multiple friends multiple times for comfort.

    i think what's most difficult right now is that i have to let go of the future that i have been unconsciously planning for the past 6 months or so with him and me together. to be honest, i'm frightened. i cant comprehend how it's possible for me to have the same feelings with a different person, and i feel like i'm running out of time. i know i'm ready to be in the relationship that will last the rest of my life, but i have no prospects, and i don't want even one more year to go by without finding that, but he is the only person that i've ever connected with like this in my whole life. none of my other friends or even my family gets me like he does, and it took 20 years for me to find him.

    by the way, i don't think i can call this a crush. i've never felt it before this, i've always tried to stay away from the word, because i knew it was never true before, but i know it's love.
     
    #6 hplsromantic, May 22, 2011
    Last edited: May 22, 2011
  7. borntosurvive

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    Your story really breaks my heart. It might seem really bad now, but you're going to find someone else! You need to have faith that things will get better and that you'll find someone! If you don't keep faith you can't be happy, so while it seems like everything is completely terrible right now, it'll get better and you'll find someone who loves you and who connects with you the same way.(*hug*)
     
  8. vncc14

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    I know what you mean. I felt that way before. I was in love with my best friend and I felt that he was the right person for me. The fact that he was my best friend was a big matter, coz I got to know him as a person so much...and everything felt right. I was crazy in love and I swear I could do anything just to be with him. Then I got a scholarship to go abroad. Up till the day of my departure, I still thought that if, if he had the same feeling for me, I would give up that opportunity and stay home with him. (That scholarship had always been my dream)...

    He never did, and I went away... The whole new life helped me a lot in getting over him and I did. I never thought that I could do so though.

    It's been said hundred of times, but you just have to have faith. Don't worry it will all be ok. It's just this moment in time. You'll see the light at the end of the tunnel.
     
  9. hplsromantic

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    i don't imagine that too many people care, but i thought i'd update in case this applies to someone else out there somehow.

    it was a tough few weeks, and i definitely felt pretty insecure with our friendship for a while because i started summer break and he had finals, so i had a lot of time to think of all the reasons he might not want to hang out anymore, and he had less time to spend with me than normal.

    i think about a week or so ago we did finally get together and everything was just like it always was as far as comfort level and closeness. i'm still in love with him, it still feels like a relationship sometimes, and i still lie to myself pretty regularly about how he just isn't ready yet, but i guess my mind/heart just arent quite ready to completely accept the truth just yet. hopefully soon i can just see him as a friend.

    what's important for anyone to walk away with is that something like this doesnt have to hinder a great friendship. real connections will last, and people that you have real connections with will stick around, straight or gay. the love is there, and no one lets that go easily.

    the last thing i want to do is just to acknowledge my friend. i've talked a lot about how we have a strong bond and that has kept us together, but my friend deserves some recognition. he's an exceptional person by any standards, only 18, and from a very conservative area, he never once even hinted that how i felt was wrong, and never questioned my motives or treated me any differently. and that's one of the best things any straight person can do for a gay person. i'm not his gay friend. i'm his friend.
     
  10. TheEdend

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    Really glad that everything turned out well and that your friendship didn't change! Just give yourself time and you'll find another guy to crush on :slight_smile:

    And of course we care :slight_smile:
     
  11. adam88

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    Sigh. I know how you feel. About the attraction to a close freind, that is.
     
  12. alexi12

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    Sorry about what you went through/ and are going through, but I agree that it will get better with time :slight_smile: And your friend definitely sounds like a great friend!
     
  13. CrazyAntFarm

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    I'm very happy that you still have a friendship with this guy. I went through this same exact thing; however, my "friend" desserted me without being straightforwad about it. He didn't even have the courage to say that he didn't want to be friends anymore; he just acted like I ceased to exist right after he said that he could "deal with it".

    After two months of him not being around, I was able to get over what I felt for him. His actions definitely made it easier.

    Glad that your friend stuck around tho, and I hope that you're able to come to terms with your feelings as well without needing space from him....