Hey, I'm just starting this whole coming out thing. I've told one very supportive person, and hope to tell more soon. It was a hell of a process to even come out to myself, though. I write a blog on wordpress and tumblr, but since I can't give that info here, I'm going to paste the coming out story I posted there, because I took a lot of time to write it, and I don't have that much time right now Wrenching the Closet Door Open: Coming Out for the First Time It was 2:30pm on a BEAUTIFUL Tuesday afternoon. I walked out of my dorm room to meet up a with close friend; she is several years older than I am, and she is active on campus, although not a student. We made plans to go to a local specialty drink shop, where I ordered a Boba Tea, and she had a fresh fruit smoothie. We walked around downtown for about an hour, drinking our drinks and imagining spending all of our money on the items in the windows. We talked about some current issues facing our campus community, as that was why we met. But they were so inconsequential in my mind; my secret was looming so closely, I figured she could just about hear the conversation in my head. ‘I love everybody…’ - Nope. Not clear enough. ‘So, a lot of people have called me gay in the past…’ - Nope. Not relevant, and awkward. ‘So, I’m bisexual; I just thought you should know.’ - God no. Too blunt. ‘I have something to tell you…’ - No. Too awkward, too dramatic, too annoying. ‘You know the Kinsey Scale? I’m like a 4.’ - Of course not. Guess which one I went with. The last one. Yep. I have no idea why; Almost every reason I listed for not choosing the first 4 choices applies, but that is what I said. Before we went out, I mentioned (via the planning email) that I needed to talk to her about something, and I was going to be reluctant to bring it up. I was reluctant to bring it up, so she brought it up in the car on the way home. And the above is how I replied. She responded in a way that made me feel more loved and accepted than ever before in my life. That sounds WAY too touchy-feely and emotional, but it’s true; even where I’ve felt the most accepted, the ‘me’ that was accepted was not the ‘me’ I knew. I was hiding something that was a huge part of me, so I never felt like my entire person was accepted or loved. We sat in her car for over an hour, talking about friends’ coming out stories, my family, my faith, and my journey in coming out up to that point. Then, she came out to me. She told me that she is also bisexual. She is married, and her husband knows and loves her exactly as she is. We then spent more time talking about her coming out stories, how her family reacted, and how they are taking it almost 6 years later. The situation was so much more fulfilling than I ever could have imagined; she was so gracious and supportive. She asked me all the right questions to get me thinking. She told horror stories, and she told funny stories. She told me about people being accepted exactly as they are, and unconditionally loved. It was one of the best days of my life. She is the only person on this planet that knows this about me. I don’t know exactly where my journey is going from here, but it is as clear to me as it is to you that it is not over. I am not ready to be out in my daily life. I hope I will be some day, but we aren’t there yet. I am not going to be out on this blog for a while; eventually I will come out here. You will be able to know who I am, where I live; but, until then, you will know a lot about me that very few of my closest acquaintances know. I hope my journey will help others with theirs, I hope I will meet people with similar experiences, and I hope I will meet people with different experiences.
Congratulations on wrenching open that closet door! I'm so happy that you got a chance to talk and be talked with about all this stuff! It was very similar with me, and we ended up talking for almost 2 hours. I though it would be a quick 15-30 min thing, but nooooooo my brain decided it would be a great idea to sit in the freezing cold with no shoes on for 2 hours, lol. Also, that's got to be one of the best sentences to come out to I've ever read! Seriously, if my friends knew about the Kinsey scale (I think that 2 of them do...) I'd probably use that because it's just that awesome!
Recently, I experienced new thing I have thought about my past and realized I am gay. I told my gay friend. I will never ever tell my husband I don't want to hurt him he's a great guy but he told me I am living an unhealthy life I should be able to talk to somebody. I told my girlfriend for 17 years that I have been loving her without telling her. I just wanted her to know I didn't looking to getting any love back. She said she is not gay and never wanted to live with one. I kept my mouth shut ever since. Today, I was so frustrated with everything since I got up. My husband was so curiuos about my behavior in the past 3 weeks since I realized I am gay. I don't want to sleep with him. I am having a difficulty as it get every day. I burst out to my husband today because we had a fight about everything around the house. I told him. He was shocked for few minutes and wonder if this is because I have a gay friends. I told him that it is not about my friend this is about me why can't you except the fact. I don't want to tell him but he thought that I have been cheating on him. I was so piss so I slipped out. It was bad and the worst come my mom came to me and asked me what was going on. There we go , I slipped out because she thougt we were fighting because of my husband misstress. I told my mom the truth hoping that she might understand me. I was a mistake. She is now so stress about me coming out and can't excepted it. She was so sad before she worried my husband going to leave me with other girl ( my husband don't plan to do that) just my mom and my sister having this thought by themselve. My husband co-worker always call him at home that why my mom is so suspiciuos about their relationship. I don't care what are they relationship. I told my mom if anyone want a divorce it is not come from my husband. It is me who wanted it for so long. She is even shocker and asked me never divorce my husband. Now my life is a mess!! not only I did not get approved from everyone I love but also I got everybody to worry about divorce. I don't know what to do anymore. I felt so bad. I don't have anyone never cheated on him. I don't plan to come out. I will take this to my grave but stress ruined it. I should have listen to my gay friend to talk to counseler instead of burst out from no where and have no where to go from now. I am not looking for a new partner just want to let everyone that I love to know that is all. Why would I ever think that is gonna end up right! It is never gonna be the same. I felt so stupid. My husband told me if I want he can sign the paper for me if that will bring me happyness. How could I be? I hurt everybody feeling.
