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This Is Me Coming Out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Robert, Jun 8, 2011.

  1. Robert

    Robert Guest

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    (This thread is to be linked to my best friend as soon as I feel comfortable enough with it)

    Remember that secret that I told you I had? Yeah…

    One of the overriding questions, for me, has always been whether this is really an important enough subject to bring up to you. You already know that I’m not interested in getting in to a relationship with any girl (and I’m pretty sure that this feeling extends over to guys too). Since I have known you, you know that I haven’t been in any relationship with anybody. So, why am I telling you this now even though I am scared it will change our friendship? Its because I cant stand lying, to you and to myself, about anything. Its because I’m sick and tired of having to pretend that I’m straight when I’m not. I’ve had it in my head to tell you for about a few months now but I’ve always remembered back to the conversation we had about dick size and how you said you wouldn’t want us to know eachothers dick size because it would change our friendship in some bad way. I feel like shit knowing that you’re going to read this. Now that you’ve read this, I feel like pushing you away and never talking to you again because a part of me still feels that I’d rather live a secret life than live an honest one. But fuck that shit. As you know, my uncle was secretly gay. He had three kids and used the groceries his wife brought home to pleasure himself in their martial bed. He sucked old man dick in public toilets late at night and he lost his friends because he would rather show them the fucked up mental evil that was inside of him rather than admit that he was a massive homo. I have seen where the secret life leads. It leads to hell.

    I admitted to myself, out loud, that I was gay around 2 years ago and got there properly, around 1 year ago, when I came out to my mum in a drunken stupor after a party. I cried for ages before I told her. When I woke up in the morning and remembered what I had done, all I could think was “FUCK”.
    My mum was pretty supportive. She asked me some questions:
    Q: Are you sure? A: Yes. I wish I wasn’t but I am.
    Q: Are you sure you’re not bisexual? A: Yes. I wish I was but I’m not.
    Q: Have you ever been molested? A: WHAT!? No.
    Q: Have you been in any sexual relationships? A: Its none of your business.

    But you’re my friend, so, I’ll tell you the answer to the last question. Yes I have been and, for the record, I’ve never had a gay experience with another person since. I’ve told you about this before. I told you that, when I was 16, I hooked up with some bitch and did it in front of a bunch of cats and Family Guy. That was all true. But the bitch wasn’t a girl, it was a guy. And the reason that he is a bitch is that he went around telling his friends about it practically straight after we did it and people started coming up to me in the streets, in my home town, telling me I was gay and laughing about it. Someone even confronted me, with a smirk, in front of my best friend that I have in this town. I denied it. My friend bought it. I am very good at lying - it runs in the family. This town has a lot of homophobes in it and my friends are included in that way of thinking.

    I told my brother that I was gay when I was around 11 years old. He didn’t believe me and said that I was too young.
    I told other people, who I trusted, that I was gay when I was younger. They mostly spread it around or used it as a weapon against me.
    I told my best friend when I was younger but pushed him away because just being with him sometimes reminded me that I was gay.
    I have never told anyone else who I know personally and I have never told anyone in so much detail before.

    Telling you this now, there are a few things that I am worried about. I am worried that you might get it in to your head that I want to fuck you or that I am in love you. I’ll tell you now, neither is the case. You’re my brother in all but blood. It would be weird to think of you any other way.

    I don’t even know if I’m gay any more. I was convinced that I was when I came out to my mum but I now realise that I have a different emotional attachment to girls that I haven’t yet experienced with a guy.

    I think that’s about it. I cant think of anything else right now.

    In closing I want to say that I don’t want you to be dishonest with me. I don’t want you to tell me that you’re 100% fine with this when you’re not. I want you to be able to ask me questions and have a go at me if you want to. I want you to be able to criticise me and stuff like that. I realise that this is a big elaborate post and so much effort to go to just to tell you that I’m probably gay. I know it’s a lot of drama that I’m bringing up but that’s why I’ve waited until after you finished your exams. I didn’t want you to be distracted by something that probably might not be that important to you in the long run.

    Oh, and this is the forum with the Albums in it. Sorry for lying.
     
    #1 Robert, Jun 8, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2011
  2. Robert

    Robert Guest

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    I wish he'd hurry up and get home so I can give him the link. I'm going to lose my nerve in a minute!

    Hes probably out celebrating or something.
     
  3. highlights

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    That's a really great post. :slight_smile:
    Good luck with it!
     
  4. Rosina

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    That is one hell of a good post, you are a true friend to this guy, I hope he knows that :slight_smile:
     
  5. Keelin

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    Good luck. This is definatly long enough.
     
  6. Robert

    Robert Guest

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    Thanks for the support guys :slight_smile:


    He just rang me and is pretty damn drunk :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I'll show him this thread tomorrow, once hes got all the booze out of his system :rolleyes:
     
  7. Robert

    Robert Guest

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    Oh great, now Skype isnt working for me!

    GODDAMN!!!

    Will I ever be able to show him this thread????

    :bang:
     
  8. Robert

    Robert Guest

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    Ive been on Skype for a while now and he hasnt come on. Im going out now. If he isnt on Skype when I get back I think I might just die.
     
  9. Micah667

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    Aw. don do that.
     
  10. highlights

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    It will be ok! You'll be able to show it to him eventually. Your post is really well written and I'm sure it'll explain things for him. Hopefully he will see how much you value his friendship and will be supportive. :slight_smile:
     
  11. Robert

    Robert Guest

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    So, I showed it to him and it went well :slight_smile:

    It went pretty much as I expected it to, I guess.

    I was still absolutely crapping my pants before and when he was reading it though :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  12. thomasJ722

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    Alright! Congratulations on telling him. That took a lot of courage. That post was amazing. A truly great way to tell someone that you are gay. The wording was awesome. You pretty much explained everything to him. You should be proud of yourself. May you have the best of luck with your friendship with the person you gave the thread to. (!) You should celebrate!
    (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)
     
  13. ToTheCeilingFan

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    Great job dude, that post was gorgeous and I bet it took tons of courage to write. Good luck with future coming-outs, there's one to file under successes. <3
     
  14. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    That was an impressive letter! Congrats!
     
  15. Fairybread

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    Congrats!!! Amazing letter!!
     
  16. Robert

    Robert Guest

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    Thanks a lot, guys :slight_smile: Everyone has been really helpful and kind. I really got the encouragement I needed on this forum. Without you guys, I would still be in the closet to him.

    Thanks so much!!! (&&&)
     
  17. mischa91

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    Really great letter to your friend.

    Congrats on coming out!
     
  18. aceofnoise23

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    Wow. You blew the letter I wrote to my friend out of the water. x.x I'm so glad it went well! Good luck coming out to more people in the future! ;D