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Coming out to my Mom

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Anne Nonymous, Jun 19, 2011.

  1. Anne Nonymous

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    My girlfriend stayed over at my house this weekend. We spent most of that time curled up together watching Xena on Netflix. Maybe too much Xena, because this morning I felt like a fearless warrior princess myself and decided to come out to my Mom. It was liberating ... felt really, really good at the time. But it was also, for lack of a better word, weird. Picture this, guys:

    Me, Anne the Warrior Princess, heroically unburdening my soul to my mother, the words pouring from my lips like a deluge of truth. My mother, the sometimes-villainous-but-generally-cool Ice Queen, who was doing housework when I first approached her, continued doing that housework, practically scampering from task to task, scurrying literally from room to room, while I followed her like a crazy lesbian poodle, yipping out the reality of my self. She would make generic little semi-supportive comments every so often like: "I thought that might be the case," "I'll love you no matter what," "<Name of GF> is a nice girl," and (my favorite one) "Won't be easy -- I feel for you." Gee, thanks, Mom. Could you stop doing the housework for one frickin' second and look at me?!

    Well, as relieved and happy as I was when I began my super-epic coming-out-speech, I was a little put off by her detached response. A few hours after, I started to think, maybe it was a bad idea to tell her. I'm worried she's never going to look at me the same way again. I guess everyone worries about that when they come out. But the way she reacted, from now on, maybe she won't look at me much period.

    Anyways, this was me venting.
     
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there! Congrats on coming out to your mom! :slight_smile:

    Even though it might not feel like that your mom responded with more of an 'involved' response, your mom actually mentioned some pretty important things.

    Having mentioned

    shows that she is okay with it and won't see you differently and that she will keep looking at you. However, the sense of that your mom gave a detached response is probably also coming from the fact that while you were coming out to your mom, she was doing other things on the side. Ideally, you would want your mom's full attention when you do try to talk to her about something important.

    Give it a few days, and if the subject comes up again, or if your mom asks you some questions make sure that you do have her full attention by sitting down with her.

    From what you have said, it seems that things will be fine. (*hug*)
     
  3. NordicSpirit

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    I think you'll be fine. Your mom might have been distracted when you told her but it didnt sound like she was too upset about it. Congrats! :slight_smile:
     
  4. Foxywolf

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    I think it was good you came out to your mom, and I think her reaction was actually very good. My mom cried when I came out to her and she still treats me the same now.
    I think your mom might have been a little shocked or distressed by the news, and that is why she just kept doing the housework. To hide the fact that she felt that way. I think she will still treat you the same and love you the same. Even if she doesn't do so right away, give her time to digest this information.
     
  5. TheEdend

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    Like people have said already, your mom is probably still processing it and it just took her off guard. Give her some time and maybe you could even invite her for ice cream and talk to her later on.

    You did awesome so don't doubt yourself :slight_smile: Just give your mom some time and remember that either way she still supports you and while she might have not showed it to you in the most perfect way, she was still able to say it.
     
  6. dumbblondedoe

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    Congrats on coming out to your mom! That is a huge step. Dont worry your mom will look at you the same way. She could be just procssing the information. For a parent that could be alot to take in. Just give it a couple days. The fact that she did not get upset is a great sign. Your mom was distracted and probably had her mind elsewhere. Give it a few days and maybe have a small sit down chat with her.
     
  7. Salazar

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    Well done on coming out to your mum! I cannot imagine if or when I'll ever be able too, even though my mum said to me a few weeks ago that when I was younger she thought I was gay >.< In, my opinion, your mum's detached response was her way of dealing with the surprise (surprise rather than a shock).

    She'll come around to the idea of it eventually, much like you do when you discover you are gay. I guess its the time she needs to be comfortable with your sexuality. If your mum was to freak out, the time to have done it would have been when you came out to her, so there's nothing to worry about on that front. I'm sure she'll be fine with it in no time!
     
  8. Anne Nonymous

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    Thanks for the supportive words, everyone :slight_smile:

    My Mom seemed a little bit less detached today. She acted pretty business-as-usual, actually. My first instinct was to re-open the conversation, but I decided to give her some more time to process.

    I'm feeling very relieved again. The post-coming-out-panic has passed :lol: Next time I do it, though, I'll try to put some more thought into it ahead of time ... and maybe say less and not be so super-enthused about it :icon_redf Don't want people to think I'm any crazier than they already think I am (!)
     
  9. sickoflimbo

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    "scurrying literally from room to room, while I followed her like a crazy lesbian poodle"

    This made me chuckle :slight_smile:... very funny. I think it sounds like it went well. Good for you for taking the first step. It really does sound like she is good with it, and will support you. Keep on going, and feel good about yourself.
     
  10. silverhalo

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    Hey congratulations, I think as others have said she was probably taken off guard and was trying to react in a positive way and not look shocked.

    I always think to myself about how long it took me to figure myself out and accept myself, it can take other people time even though they are supportive and accepting.
     
  11. Lolguy

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    Very intriguing story. Anyways, congrats on coming out to your mother; she seems pretty ok with it. Like most have stated, just give her a little while.
     
  12. acd92

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    Just as everyone has said, I think she's totally fine with it, she may have seemed detached because she was occupied on the side...you may want to have "the talk" with her again when she's not as distracted. On the whole, though, I'm glad everything went well for the most part- my own mother completely dismissed the idea when I tried to tell her- twice. Best wishes to you and congratulations; you should be proud of yourself for having the courage to do so!
     
  13. Sadepeura

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    I must say that I just love the way you described the coming out situation. Congratulations for coming out and being so brave. :slight_smile: And like everyone has said I think your mom took it very well! Maybe after she's had some time to process you can talk about it with her again, and maybe that time she will actually look at you. Maybe you could wait until she's sitting down that time. :grin:
     
  14. Anne Nonymous

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    Thanks again for the support, guys (&&&)

    My Mom is still kinda processing the situation, but she's being pretty supportive. On the other hand, she's been quizzing me and my girlfriend about many awkward things :lol:

    Sometime this weekend I'm going to talk to my Dad. That's going to be fun :confused: He's an atheist, so I don't need to worry about any righteous indignation. The problem's more that he's your typical Central-European macho-type. You know how it goes: a good woman has a bun in the oven and a beer in hand for her man. Talk about a nightmare scenario :rolle: