Coming Out Over FaceTime

Wow. Getting those two words out of my mouth was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Last Friday, I decided it was finally time to come out. I've been struggling with myself and my sexuality for a long time; it's been probably about three years. I don't think the result could have been better.

I knew I wanted to come out to my best friend. He's one of the coolest people I've ever met. We have so much in common and I just feel so comfortable around him. I knew he would accept me for who I am, although that didn't make it any easier. I had planned to get together with him the day after I decided to come out, but those plans fell through and I was pretty disappointed. I had done a ton of mental preparation and I was about ready to explode. I really wanted to come out to him in person; face-to-face. I felt that doing it over the phone or over a text message was just a big mistake.

I was home alone that Saturday, so I thought it was the best time to have the conversation. What I decided to do, since I couldn't see him in person, was come out over FaceTime. Problem was, I couldn't get ahold of him all day! I tried to start small talk that could lead to what I really wanted to say, although, now I know that it's better to just
come right out with it. I got a few texts back but it didn't really amount to anything because he wasn't home at the time. So, Saturday came and went and my secret was still just my secret.

Not until tonight did I have an opportunity to video chat with him. The last couple days were pretty hectic. We were both studying for finals from the time we got home from school till we went to bed. He got out of school today (we go to different schools, I don't get out till Friday) so tonight he had nothing going on. I knew I was going to come out, I just didn't know how. We struck up a video chat just talking about random things like what we are doing over the summer and how happy we both are about how school is pretty much over. We just talked. It didn't get into anything too deep and I just couldn't find my opportunity. We probably talked for like an hour and I just couldn't say it. He was hungry so he hung up the call to go get dinner and he said he would call me back after he ate. When the words "call ended" came up on my screen, I wondered, "Why can't I do this!" I felt defeated.

He called back like a half hour later and we talked a bit more. Still, I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. This whole time my brother and my dad's girl friend were out in the living room watching a movie so I knew they couldn't hear my conversation. The second conversation didn't go much better. Still just small talk. He was ordering a pair of shoes and I was helping him pick out what ones he should get. He bought the perfect ones then he said he had to go take a shower and go to bed. "Talk to you tomorrow" was not something I wanted to hear. The call ended for the second time.

This time I was angry. I was staring off into space trying to figure out why I couldn't do it when my brother walked in to let me know that they were walking down to the convenience store to get a couple things. I knew it was a sign. I think what I needed was for no one to be in the house and that's what I got. I sent a text to my friend asking if we could FaceTime for a couple more minutes because I needed to talk to him about something. It was so difficult to hit the send button on that text because I knew that he would know something is up and I couldn't just change the subject. He responds saying to give him a couple minutes. At this point, I am convinced that my heart is going to beat out of it's chest. My iPad rings and I press the accept button. I ask if anybody else can hear me and he says he can shut the door if I want. Sitting back down in his chair, he asks if he's in trouble or something. I laughed and said no. I asked him if I could tell him something personal and he said sure. There was a long, admittedly uncomfortable, pause. Then I found the words that had been alluding me all night. "I'm gay!" He looked at me and said, "That's it?". Then he said, "well, I'm absolutely fine with that!" I told him that he was that first person I had come out to and he says, " Hahaha, I feel so special! Thanks for telling me, I really appreciate it." Then, as if nothing happened, he says, "Now when do you want to go to the mall?"

Nothing had changed between us and I am unbelievably thrilled. I was scared that our relationship would be a bit awkward after I came out but now I whole-heartadly believe nothing is going to change. Looking back, I think tonight is going to be one of my life's defining moments. I don't think I'm going to be coming out to anyone else for a while. I think this is just fine for now.