So hopefully the title says it all. I currently go to college and am 19 years old. I have always questioned my sexuality in that, I knew I like girls and am physically and sexually attracted to girls, but I sometimes looked and a guy on the TV and thought he was attractive, or cute. This translated into daily life as well; I often noted that a certain guy was cute, and wondered what it would be like to hold hands with said guy. I also attempted to go on dates with a guy who I later found out was straight...but whom I had a huge crush on. I finally realized some of these questions when I came out to a guy in my a cappella group, and we had a long talk as he helped me realize that I might be bisexual. It wasn't long after that before I realized that I was really attracted to him. It got to the point where we were actually going to date, and I was genuinely attracted to him and really was looking forward to dating him, but sadly, it didn't work out, and I am now dating a girl, and have been for two months now. I consider myself bisexual because I believe bisexualism means that you have the capacity to love the same and the opposite sex, and I believe that defines where I am with my sexuality right now. My coming out story, however, encompasses all ranges of the spectrum. I first came out to one of my extremely close friends, telling her I was bisexual. She was so very kind and supportive, and told me that she would always be there if I needed her. I offhandedly told a few of my friends here and there, and eventually, at the end of this year in May, I came out to my entire a cappella group. I have some days where I am so happy that I am figuring out this part of myself, but other days when this grinds to a standstill and I go to sleep crying because I'm so scared. The issue is, I come from a predominantly conservative family. Both my mother and my father's sides of the family are Jamaican, and are strongly against LGBT rights. I attempted to come out to my mother by telling her that "I think I might be interested in guys and girls"- I was planning to proceed from there, but she cut me off by saying, "You have no idea who you are," and "I never thought you could be one of them" and "you can't be sure right now." I later talked to my cousin, who asked me to prove that I'm bisexual, who said that she talked to many gays and lesbian who believe that it is impossible for a male to be a true bisexual. She also told me that my mother was very scared of our conversation, and that she wished that I never bring up the topic of conversation ever again. This, of course, was all extremely disheartening to me, especially coming from college where pretty much all of my friends are extremely supportive and encouraging, to going home where I have no one to talk to about my sexuality, and I feel as though I'm hiding myself. I am sure that this is not a faze, and admittedly (though this is embarrassing to say) I came to this full realization after going through a fling with the guy I previously mentioned, and then finally watching Season 2 of Glee and becoming completely enamored with the Blaine/Klaine relationship, and after I realized I have a HUGE crush on Chris Colfer. Long story short, it just makes me sad that I can just be who I want to be around everyone....and for that reason I'm afraid of fully and publicly coming out, even though I personally am comfortable with knowing that I'm bisexual. Any advice or comments would be SO appreciated!!! Thank you, everyone!
Congratulations for coming out to these people. Well the most important thing is that you're comfortable with who you are and accept yourself. But I'm sorry to hear that your mother reacted that way. I have met many people who don't seem to understand the concept of bisexuality and I don't understand what is so difficult about understanding it. Bisexuality is about loving the person as an individual, not as an owner of certain genitalia. One of my friends once said: "I don't understand bisexuals, they think they are just so greedy!" I didn't speak to her for a few weeks after that. But that was before I came out to her and now she thinks a bit differently after I explained to her how things really work. In my opinion, everyone is a little bit bisexual (which makes the whole scale straight-bisexual-gay a bit complicated). But maybe you mother just needs a bit more time to adjust. In this forum there are links to things that you could give her to read that might help. I don't really know where they are here, I haven't had the courage to tell my parents yet. The feeling that one needs to go back to the closet sucks. Hang in there! I'm proud of you for being so brave and trying to tell your parents.
Hi there! I went through an oddly similar experience in the fact that I realized I was interested in a guy, but that didn't last long and I actually started to date a girl. My parents are also pretty conservative. They aren't derogatory towards lgbt people, but they don't act particularly supportive. It's more so something that they want to ignore and pretend doesn't exist. I haven't come out to them, but they seemed suspicious of said boy and told me they didn't want me hanging around him so much. For words of advice I can only say to remember that it is your life and your feelings, and is not something dependent on their approval. They can approve or not, but at the end of the day you are who you are. Perhaps with time your mother will come around, but if not it is her loss for not fully appreciating the wonderful person that her son is. Also, when I went through my experience of dating a guy then a girl I had some difficulty adjusting, it was like I had this huge revelation about my sexuality and then everything reverted back to before I had it in a way =/ And my gf, although supportive, I can tell is uncomfortable sometimes. I was wondering if you've had similar feelings?
Hi! Wow, okay, so it's incredible how much I understand where you're coming from, like it's exactly that- I felt like I made this incredible revelation through a fling with this guy, and then as soon as it was over, I ended up dating my current girlfriend, and yeah, it's like everything has gone back in a way...she's been supportive, but when we started going out she asked me if she was holding me back from anything since I recently came out, and she used to like my more...(for want of a better word) feminine side, but now I can tell it kind of bothers her. So yes, my friend, I have indeed had similar feelings...thank you for the advice about my mother; I suppose we'll just have to wait and see- for now she just likes to pretend that aspect of me doesn't exist...oh well.
