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How to tell if someone is supportive of gays?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Foxywolf, Jun 30, 2011.

  1. Foxywolf

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    Well now I am out to my family I want to start coming out to people around me. But the thing is I want to make sure they will be OK with it before I tell them that I am gay. I don't want anyone to be freaked out or feel awkward around me or anything.

    One person who I want to come out to, I recently went dress shopping with, and we changed in the same stall together. And although I do not look at her that way, I am not attracted to her, there's no way of telling that she might feel a little weird about it once/if I tell her i am gay. You know what I mean?

    So how do I go about testing the waters to:

    1. Ensure that they are ok with gay people in general,

    2. Ensure that they will not feel awkward around me when i tell them i am gay.

    And how do I do it without them suspecting that I AM gay?
    Thanks in advance!
     
  2. weboflies

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    I usually find bringing up some recent gay-related news does the job, such as the legalization of gay marriage in New York, just casually ask "What do you think about <etc>?" and if she doesn't give a firm answer you can keep the conversation going and steer it where you want
     
  3. Jonamo

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    If you have a close family member, you could possibly ask them to float the topic to another and see what they say. That way you won't be directly involved but you can still figure out how they feel.
     
  4. Sadepeura

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    I've been wondering the same thing! I have friends who I would like to tell, but although they mention some gay related news etc. occasionally, I'm really not sure whether they would be OK with my homosexuality.

    The first one I just sometimes ask, often referring to some news, but I am really not sure about the second one! :S And I often feel like people just guess that I'm gay anyway. So many people do and I don't understand how. But then some people just don't seem to get it although I often feel so obvious. I hate telling people, I just wish they would understand it anyway and then ask me.
     
  5. Foxywolf

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    Haha I know with the recent gay marriage law being passed in NY then I could easily ask someones opinion on this. But I get a little paranoid and think 'what if they figure out if I am gay because I asked them about the gay marriage law!' I did manage to bring it up with one friend when we were talking about how we think crazy religious people are ridiculous and should stay out of other peoples businesses. And I said something about the gay marriage law, but her reaction was neither positive nor negative soo...
    Some of them I think would be ok with it, but I am just not sure. Hmm. Yeah I might end up asking the friends I am out to/ my family to help figure out other peoples opinions on gay people.
    Yeah I agree Sadepeura, sometimes i wish i could just diffuse the knowledge into peoples heads so they know, but I don't have to tell them. In college I am going to try and wear lots of rainbows so hopefully some people will get a clue.
     
  6. Sadepeura

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    I'm sorry but this post might get very off-topic because I just want to tell about things that I want to say now.

    I'm so happy the NY passed the marriage law! And I want to talk about it to someone, but there's no one to talk to about it. :grin: Apart from the ones who I don't want to talk about it to, because I'm afraid they will guess I'm gay. Ridiculous, because I actually don't mind them knowing, I just don't want them to guess from that. Does that make any sense? Or do you have the same thing with it?

    The funny thing is that I had a friend who I thought was homophobic because she had said: "I don't understand bisexuals, they are just so greedy!" I didn't talk to her for weeks after that. But then I decided to forgive her and everytime we met we ended up talking about LGBT rights and how the church is foolish because they think it's a sin and doesn't realise that people are born that way and other such things! And the whole time we talked about those things she thought that I'm straight. :grin: At some point it finally came up and because she seemed so shocked I told her that I'm bisexual. It wasn't strictly lying, but I felt like I was exaggerating. But then I gave her sometime to get used to that thought, and still everytime I saw her we talked about gay people. :grin: And I had written an essay about my sexuality (for another friend's school project) and I made her read it, because it had a lot to do what we were talking about it. So know she knows and it doesn't seem to have changed anything. :slight_smile: She just asked a few further questions after I made her read the essay.

    But it's so weird! Because first she seemed very homophobic (what she said about bisexuals and how she never stood up for gay people when someone else said something mean about homosexuals). And then when it was just two of us she talked a lot about LGBT rights and still didn't have a clue that I was gay. Go figure.

    Foxywolf, I am just off to go and buy rainbow earrings. Rainbow-items are quite handy because the people who are understanding and accept will know why you are wearing them, and the people who don't won't have a clue. And if you don't want someone to know you can just say that you like colourful things! :grin:
     
  7. Foxywolf

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    Haha no need to apologize, I like hearing what other people are thinking and what they are going through. Yeah I know what you mean, I would like to talk about the gay marriage law with someone, but I don't want them to know I am gay if I talk about it. Haha, but I am sure that they would be fine with me being gay anyway. SoI know what you're feeling. You can talk to me about it anytime you want!

    Yeah I have no idea if one of my friends is homophobic (a different one), she once said something against gay marriage, but that doesn't necessarily mean she is homophobic you know what I mean? My one friend who heard her saying something negative about gay marriage stressed to me that this does not mean she is not accepting of gay people. But I am not sure if she was just trying to make me feel better or something. But I have a feeling that this person would probably be more accepting of gay people if she personally knew someone gay. I am hoping that she turns out to be a fake homophobic person like your friend.

    Haha Sadepeura, I wish you luck in finding rainbow earrings. Where do you get your rainbow things? I don't know if you have this store in scotland, but I ended up buying some rainbow socks and a rainbow bracelet that says lady gaga born this way on it at hot topic. I also even made myself a rainbow bracelet out of these crystal bead things. Yeah rainbows are useful that way, most lgbt people and supporters know what it means, but a lot of other people don't. Lucky for me I have always liked bright colorful things so liking bright things is a legitimate excuse. I have multiple tye dye shirts and my computer is bright orange :slight_smile: But at the moment I feel like I have gone a bit overboard with the rainbows. I have two rainbow bracelets I made, one friendship bracelet, and the one with the crystal beads. And then I have the lady gaga one, then I also made some shrinky dinks (I still like to do little kid stuff) that were rainbow hearts. Oh and I also made myself a rainbow necklace out of those crystal beads and put a peace pendent in the middle. I don't wear it all, because I feel like that would be gong a bit overboard. So I think I'll just wear two rainbow bracelets in college and then maybe my necklace once and a while. Haha! Maybe I'll wear it all. After all I do like bright colors!

    Wow we really did go off topic, but that's ok!