This is my coming out story...(!)(!)(!) My best friend (extremely straigt...might as well be a 0 on Kinsey scale) and I had made plans to fish for crabs on the local pier. We grabbed some beer from a friend of mine and planned on really having a good time out there. My family joined us out there too. My family, best friend, and I left the peir at about 2:30 am. When we got home, everyone took their showers and got ready for bed. My best friend and I share a bed (that's just how small my house is. LOL). The conversation took about 1 hour for me to spit out, so I'll give the condensed version: Me: Hey, what are your beliefs? Him: Well, I love God. I feel that people should enjoy life. I feel that Jesus will save me no matter what I do. I don't like abortion. Me: You remember how I told you that I was suppose to be an abortion? Well all my life, I have wished that my mom would have just aborted me. Him: Bro, if she would have done that, I don't think that anybody's life would be changed for the better. Me: Yeah, but all of the mental torture I have put myself through over the course of my life...makes me not existing seem awesome. Him: What's up? Me: Okay, I'll tell you...but I am going to rant. Him: That's fine. Me: Over the course of my life, I have sat in complete quiet. When I was little, my parents always knew that I was different. I always knew that I was different. I am going to incorporate my words with the words of a very famous person (Bruce Bawer), because his words truly display how it feels. Him: okay Me: I have sat in silence my whole life: complete silence. I have hidden my deepest truths from the world. I have sat through classes, lunches, dinners, and even church services in complete silence...while my friends, family, pastors, and other loved ones have placed their hurtful rhetoric on metaphorical knives and jabbed them into my heart...once they are jabbed in, they never come out. I don't know if you know this, but I listen and analyze every word that everybody says. Every time I hear as certain phrase or word, I become torn apart on the inside. However, I have to stay silent. I have to stay completely quiet, while they rip my heart into peaces. I cannot defend myself because then they will catch on, and that will cause more problems. Can you imagine somebody hitting you and you not being able to strike back?..all because everyone else will hate you? Him: no Me: (by this time I am shaking violently) I have always asked God to please cure me of this. I have always asked "God, please take this away from me." He never did...he never did. So then I asked him: "God, if you cannot rid me of this abomination, can you please send me someone who I can tell, who can keep this a secret, who will not alienate me, who will accept me?" You arethe only person who hasn't said anything bad about people like me...the only one who hasn't stabbed my heart(pause)Hey, What would make you stop talking to a person you are close to? Him: I'm not sure. Probably, hurting me or betraying me over and over. Me: What would make you stop talking to me? What would make you hate me? him: If you killed a family member of mine. If you fucked my girlfriend..not much else... Me: you promise? him: yes Me: you are my best friend. I trust God first, you second. I am putting all faith in God right now...hoping that you are the person that I asked for...the person I could tell this to. you have to promise not to tell anybody. him: i promise. me: before I tell you, I want you to know that I never chose this. I would have never wanted to be the victim of hate...I love everybody....I would never want to be so scrutinized and contemplative of suicide. you promise you won't tell? him: come here. (At this point, he puts my head near his chest and hugs me really tightly...he wouldn't let go of me for about 2 minutes. Then he let me go) Me: Do you know what it is? him: yes, I do. I want to tell you that if it is what I think it is...you do a very very good job of hiding it. Me: can you take a guess? him: nope, it's pointless unless you get the courage to tell me. you have come this far...you can tell me ANYTHING (pause) Me: you won't hate me? him: i won't hate Me: you won't alienate me, stop talking to me? him: no, you're basically a brother to me. i couldn't do that. Me: (pause, then really quietly in a wisper) I'm gay him: okay...come here.(he hugs me again. this time he holds me even tighter and longer...like 5 min.) Me: thank god for people like you... him: question: do girls do nothing for you? Me: they don't, but i have tried to train myself to be straight...those two girls i had sex with, all 6 of my ex girlfriends, that girl i messed around with the other month. it doesn't work. I have even tried shock treatment, christian help groups,...nothing works. I have never had sex with a guy or done anything of that nature.it's been in my head him: that's why you havent had sex in like 2 years. me: yeah. him: i cannot judge you. you are gay, you haven't even done anything with it. I am straight, and i have sex alot; who is more pure and more forgiveable? i think you are. me: thank you him: no problem. i have always wanted to be there for someone who is in the closet. don't be ashamed of yourself. me: i don't think i'm going to tell anyone else for a long time. him: no. you shouldn't tell anyone in this town... they won't understand, at least not yet. no one else will understand like me...how does it feel? me: it feels like someone just took an anvil off my shoulders. i have never felt this happy in my life.i feel like i can do anything him: good. that's awesome. me: but, i want to come out to two more people this year. can you be there with me when i come out to them him: of course. oh look...Jackass 3.5 is on. let's watch it. me: sounds good to me. him: just do me a favor... me: what? him: don't stop praying. me: i'll never stop THANK YOU GOD FOR ANSWERING MY PRAYER`~!!!!!!!! THANK YOU EC FOR BEING SO SUPPORTIVE!! (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)
Looking at this situation from an objective point of view, I'm wondering why you are still christian. Anyway, Well done and wish you all the best.
Your friend is awesome. Like, the best friend one could have. Congrats on being out(to one person, but hey, it's a start) (*hug*)
Congratulations! It's always so helpful & comforting to know that people you love & trust are always people you can love & trust. And it's always good to know that your faith in them is well-placed! I'm happy for you that you have such a great friend & that you were able to take such a big step for yourself! Big hugs to you, thomasJ722!!!
Congrats! This is a great story, and it sounds like you have an awesome friend! Don't worry; It gets a lot easier from here on out. The first one is the hardest.(*hug*)
I am the 60 year old man who has made a few contributions to this forum. ( I made one several weeks ago - look back. ) I was very moved by your story and wish you the best. I have found myself coming out to my 23 year old Mormon friends, who i love dearly.
Wow. Excuse my language, but that is really fan-fucking-tastically awesome!!! I really wish I had a friend that was that supportive and that understanding. You're a very, very lucky man. Congratulations! You took a huge step and I have a feeling this will boost your confidence greatly in the future!
