out to first unsafe person

I finally told a friend who wasn't necessarily safe that I was bi. I couldn't tell if he was supportive of lgbt or if he was homophobic like the majority of the people from my background. I sent him a message while I was drunk, which probably wasn't the best idea. But I feel pretty good at taking that first real risk of being rejected. I'm still not sure whether he is okay with it or not, but at least he hasn't cut me out completely. We're having a slow email conversation about it. It's tortuous waiting for his replies. I keep reminding myself to give him time like I needed time initially. I really want this "first" to turn out ok. It's one thing to tell someone who isn't likely to reject you. It's another to come out to someone who is unclear. I'm afraid if it turns out badly, I may be too scared to try it again.

 

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. I think the worst of it's over. We both come from strong religious backgrounds, but I think that he's working really hard to get past that to save the friendship. It's encouraging at least, and I think the whole process has brought me one step closer to being able to tell more people.

As for those saying not to go into the subject of Bi's having it easier, why not? I'm not gonna lie that the statement was hurtful. I think, for the sake of myself and other bi's, it would be good to discuss it. Here's how I feel--invisible. I don't quite fit in with the straight world. But I'm not 100% lesbian either, so I feel out of place seeking comfort in the lgbt world, even thought the b is in there for me.

To make things worse, I'm currently in a relationship with a guy (which makes me feel even more awkward in the lgbt community). I realized I was bi in this relationship, but I don't want to end it either. For lesbians and gays, if you're with someone of the opposite sex when you finally come out, it usually means that's the end of it. There's not really the question of whether you want to or should stay with that person because usually heterosexual relationships were more of a cover or denial mechanism before accepting sexuality. For me, I have to re-examine my entire relationship, where it's going, whether it will survive. If anyone thinks that is easy for either me or my partner, it's not. We have to both adjust to myself and try to keep the relationship healthy.

Bisexuals are practically non-existent in literature and media. Any movies that have bisexuals feature them as sex-crazed homewreckers. I have yet to find a book with a bisexual character. I have yet to find a self-help book that doesn't mention bisexuality as an afterthought when talking about gays and lesbians. People who find out I'm bisexual don't even know what it means. Some think it means I have a penis and a vagina. At least by now most people have somewhat of an idea of what gay and lesbian means. Transgender is probably talked about as little as bisexuality, but it's so specific that there are still books directed to helping people specifically with that, and society is well-aware of what it means.

I'm not trying to downplay others' struggles. Each and every one of our journeys is hard--not easy. Just because, from where one person is standing, my circumstances look easier doesn't mean that they would be if he were in my shoes or that they seem that way to me. I feel like I'm stuck between two worlds, not quite meeting the qualifications for either one. This forum is the only place I come to express my fears, agonies, joys, or progresses with my bisexuality. To have it dismissed is very disheartening. And I'm sure other bisexuals would feel that way. We need to affirm each other, not shoot down.

Thank you to those that expressed disagreement with the statement. I also want to make clear that I'm not trying to attack or lash out. I don't think the statement was meant to be mean or dismissive. But it's important that we each take the time to understand the different struggles unique to our positions as lgbtqap (tried to get all the different ones I've seen on this site in there). I need the support of this site just as much as my gay and lesbian friends on here--just as much as anyone on here. It's not easier for me. It's just different, a different kind of confusion, a different kind of struggle, a different kind of coming out process--but still very hard.

 

I appreciate your apology. No harm done. I didn't think you had intended to be hurtful, and I'm glad it was intended as a joke. Thanks for your support. (*hug*)