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what it felt like after you come out.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by lloyd444, Apr 17, 2006.

  1. lloyd444

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    i think it may help people in the closet who are considering coming out to know how wonderful it feels once you've done it. how the mob scene in your head finally settles down etc. so GO for it. YOU DID IT, YOU CAME OUT, SO share your experience with the world.. or this website... (whatever)....:grin:
     
  2. lost

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    Well for me, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I had feared the worst, so when the reaction was positive, I ended up cursing my own stupidity.

    Basically - it is a great feeling and one I wish to repeat.

    Will
     
  3. Paul_UK

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    Well for me this was over 15 years ago so the memory has faded a bit....

    It was a combination of emotions, really:

    1. The "Wow - yes - I've done it" joy of the moment.
    2. The relief that it was nowhere near as bad as I had been fearing.
    3. The weigth lifting which others have mentioned, to some extent. For me this was a more gradual thing as I came out to more people.
    4. A bit of an anti-climax too. After all the stress and worry before the event, it was not as bad as expected, so there was a "oh - is that it?" feel about it.

    Overall though it was the increase in self-confidence that has remained with me and that people who knew me commented on at the time.
     
  4. popboy

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    I can't identify my coming out as a single event... it was more like a sequence of events that led me to this point of my life: three months dating with a wonderful guy :slight_smile:
    Coming out to other people was necessary and somehow insightful (despite I have chosen to keep most of my family apart from it) and it is probably the best thing I've done in my life so far. It released me from a huge burden I was carrying, something so overwhelming I used to think I could do nothing about. I was so wrong!
    For me coming out also implied a large quantity of sessions with a psychologist, making new friends... But I agree that the single act of telling other people "I'm gay" is trascendental :slight_smile:
     
  5. LorenzG1950

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    It’s only been 2 weeks for me, a marvelous feeling of exhilaration and liberation, the finding of my identity, a great satisfaction that I have come clean with my best friend. We’ve never been so close before.

    Other positives:

    • I’ve met a bunch of people who are really cool, sensitive, affectionate, highly intelligent, this forum for example, and a super nice guy from Taiwan that I want to get to know better.
    • I’ve lost the desire to put up a macho façade, play hetero, and deny that I’m gay. My coming out to friends and relatives is still in progress, but I long for the day when I can tell my sister…and brother. Only the Atlantic Ocean is holding me back.
    • I’ve found a new lifestyle that I like and want to learn more about. I’ve become more sensitive to gay fashions, gay rights issues, Matt Shephard and the Laramie Project, safer sex, the gay club scene, a stack of good movies, soundtracks that move me, and the earnest desire to help other gay persons to find their identity and prevent suicides.
    • I’m gonna be a nicer guy than I ever was before. I will show affection and kindness whenever I think it’s ok. My tolerance level has zoomed and I’m training my Gaydar. It was pretty good before, but I never looked in the mirror.
    • My pride and confidence is swelling day by day. My loneliness and frustration over many years is finally on the way out. Coming out is like being born in an entirely new country. Your old life is not totally gone but you learn to think ``queer``. I was a German kid, then an American kid, and now I’m gay. The first two were easy. Gay is a real challenge.
    • You wake up in the morning thinking ``Did I really do it?`` Yup. There is at least one person on this planet who probably won’t allow you to delete your coming out. They know it. You know it. The only road s forward.
    • It feels so damn good.


    Negatives:

    • I don’t like Madonna. Now what? Am I a closet hetero?
    • I could lose my job just posting here.
    • Gay bars cost money. There are flaming assholes of every genre in every bar. Don’t waste your money on flaming…
    • You suddenly have responsibility, for yourself and others. You can’t make fag jokes, you is one.
    • You probably can’t tell your boss, landlord, or your favorite relative because you’re scared shitless of undesirable consequences.
    • Your Systems Administrator discovers that you are gay and asks you for a date.

    There are no negatives, none that you can’t handle. Coming out is better than any sexual experience. At least for me, coming out is not about banging the next guy at the bar, it’s about finding yourself, and hopefully, someone who will accept you the way you are.

    Lorenz:wink:
     
  6. Fiex14i

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    I can most certainly relate to most of the guys here!

    I've been out for a week now to some friends, family and housemates, and it's been awesome. It does require some effort, staying out, as I've been closeted for too many moons.

    That said, it was fairly easy, as I knew from the start that the people I've told would've been fine with it (I share a house with a gay couple...)

    The difficult part is going to be to tell my parents and family. They're extremely conservative South Africans, and will most likely not take the news pretty good. But I refuse to be closeted because of someone else's fears.
     
  7. live805

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    well...
    i am glad that i came out... but suddenly... the mom has decided to attempt to purge the house of homosexuality. and failing that, she will not be happy if i tell anyone else...
    at first, it was the most wonderful feeling ever... to come out.. to know that someone knew... but now... i want more... i want to be with a guy... and its not working... i am beginning to have to duck and run for cover... and its turning nasty...
    otherwise, the first moment of coming out, is absolutely wonderful...


    i
     
  8. goratrix

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    Since I came out I was able to start working on my biggest problem, that was a battered ego... now the people who know me can tell you that i manged to solve that problem *winks at popboy*...

    I am not yet in balance with my open homosexuality, but I know eventually I'll find what I need.

    I think that the biggest step I took after comming out, was that I could start to accept myself as i am, with my good traits and with my bad traits (we all have both good and bad traits), and once I could partially accept those traits in myself, I was able to see them in other people, and not pass judgement (or not so quickly), and accept people and accept both their good and bad traits (by good or bad I mean that I like or dislike)

    So... basically I didn't have to hide myself from everyone and so I stopped hiding myself from myself, and once I started to know myself, I started to know everyone arround me...

    oh, and i'm happier now that I've been in ages, even though things with my bf aren't so great atm.
     
  9. suburbs_of_sodom

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    wow, it seems like everyone here had an immediate positive feeling when they came out...for me it was a tad different. When I first came out to one of my best friends i knew she'd be fine with and and she was and it was very happy and fun and all that, but for the rest of the day I felt shaky, sick, and like something was pulling down on my gut. It was like that with everyone I told (and now its about 10 people). Also this weird thing happens to me when I tell someone, its like I dont have control over what I'm saying anymore and I'm just watching the events unfolding...its weird...

    However, the day after I always feel excellent! much better than I did before I came out, It's just so wonderful being able to not hide anymore and letting all of your closest friends see all of who you truly are. While the act may not be super fun, the results definitely are.

    wow. that was insanely cheesey. Im sorry.
     
  10. xyc

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    My experience with coming out is definitely explained exactly by Suburbs_of_Sodom. Immediately after telling, there's that harsh moment where you don't know what will happen exactly and just have to watch the events unfold. Usually in 2 or 3 days, however, I become intensely euphoric and excited about life. Which is great.
     
  11. Brandon

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    My situation on coming out, if some people might of read my coming out story. I kind of felt that a lot of weight had be lifted off my shoulders. I was still going to school with a clear mind but new outlook on my situation. I did feel scared because of what would lead me next in the future. I had thought the person who had sent those letters to my parents would continue to do it until my parents would eventually become ashamed of my sexuality.

    Within time the letters had stopped. From that point on I had felt a little more weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I had thought that my parents were probably the only people that would know about my sexuality and not others that didn't need to know. Some people have told me that after I came out to my parents that I kind of changed, change for good, changed for bad. I don't know. But I felt good inside that I had came out and not kept it deep inside of me to where it would form into something so negative.