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Well, I am on my way...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Dynabooze, Jul 15, 2011.

  1. Dynabooze

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    I have been looking for coming out stories for the past month. I've looked everywhere! And I am still having a hard time planning how I will complete my "journey" of coming out. But, I thought I would post my progress here and seek suggestions for coming out to the remaining people....family.

    So about a year ago, I came out to my (gay) friend Andrew. He basically knew, and helped me through accepting myself which really helped. I am 15 right now, and back when I was 10 or 11, I kind of had a strong feeling that I was gay. And had the strongest urge to tell my mom, but I decided to wait. And no one knew until I was 14.

    Then throughout my Freshman year, this year, I realized that "yea, I am gay. No doubt about it." So no one knew up until this June 17, when another friend decided to come out about a week before, I started talking to him and he basically gave me the courage to not give a fu*k and I just put it out on facebook. "Yea, I am gay. That's all" Being sure to block it from every family member and anyone who would tell my family. I got a really good response from that, my friends basically all said they figured I was.

    Then Just a few days ago, I was thought "ok, just my friends knowing isn't enough. My family needs to know too" so the first person I thought of that would definitely accept me and love me was my dad. My parents are divorced and even having the confidence that I did, I still had to do it via facebook message to him. Later to find out right after sending the message that his father in law had just died two days before... "greeeaaattt" lol. So it took him 2 days to actually log into facebook to even see the message, during that time I began to panic. Such panic led me to tell my grandma (his mom) to seek comfort and assurance that he would be fine with it. But there was no way to seek comfort without her knowing the situation, so I had to tell her too. She told me that her and my dad always knew and that they had got over it long ago and that they still love me and know that I didn't choose to be this way and there was nothing to worry about. That took soo much pressure off my shoulders! The next day I got a (missed) call from my dad. I listened to the voicemail before calling him back and in the vm he said that he would always love me no matter what and that he didn't care. He said that he is more upset that I don't get to see him often (parents divorced) than "whether or not I like chicks" lol. My dad is awesome! He then told my stepmom, who responded to him with "I know." lol, does everyone know!? Gee! He also told my 10 year old brother and 8 year old sister who both responded with "what?! why? Who told him he was gay?" as if I was diagnosed by a doctor or something lol. To which my stepmom told them "people are just born that way" WOW!! So much for having an evil stepmother! I gained so much respect for her just from that!

    Then Monday night, my best friend in the world was visiting from Sacramento and it was her last night before she flew back home so I knew I had to tell her. It started out as a game of "try to guess what is going on". That didn't work. Then it moved to hangman, which after her getting two letters right I yelled out "ahh, I can't do this!" and crumpled up the paper. So we went back to guessing, somehow it got to "I don't want to offend you but is it about your sexuality" to which I said "yes" and she then told me that she was really glad I was telling her this. She then said "so your gay?" "yep" then we gave each other a big hug and then proceeded to talk about who I had come out to already and who I've had crushes on :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: and then how on earth I would tell my mom. She went home the next day and told her mom and sister and all three have been giving me support to tell my mom. I love them so much!

    Well, so far I have had a great coming out experience. I am so fortunate to have such a strong support group. But, I am now stressing to tell my mom. But, this morning I think she might have found out. I fell asleep last night with "how to come out to homophobic parents" left on my laptop screen. She came in this morning and I half woke up when the door opened and just kept my eyes closed as I usually do until she says something. But, after about 30 seconds of her not saying anything I opened my eyes and saw her starting at the screen, I almost immediately tried to distract her so that I could close the laptop. She told me it was time to get up, said goodmorning and left the room. I sat there for about 3 minutes just thinking, I wonder if she read the title of the article on the screen. I went downstairs and started watching tv, she came down about 10 minutes later and it looked as if she had been crying. Knowing that she probably had seen the screen, I didn't bother to ask what was wrong. My mom is a pretty spiritual person if you ask me, and doesn't exactly smile upon homosexuality. I don't think she would be as fast to accept me as everyone else, and I know her husband, who I have only known for 4 years now, and who seems to be very homophobic, would not be happy at all. From what I have heard from my mom's best friend (my best friend's mom), is that as I was growing up, it was one of her fears and suspicions.

    So, Tuesday I have a therapist appointment and I had planned on telling him (although I have never met this guy). Next Monday I will be flying to Sacramento to visit my dad and I don't know if I should tell her before I leave for two weeks or if I should tell her (with the therapist) when I am back for a week before leaving for three weeks to London. I need to tell her one of those times, firstly because I need to leave for a little bit after she knows so that she can have time to think and so she can tell my stepdad while I am gone. Also, I don't want to wait any longer than that! haha

    What do you guys think I should do?! :eusa_doh:
     
  2. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    Welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    You have accomplished a great deal already so you should really be proud of yourself.

    As for when you should tell her? I really don't think there is a wrong answer, but I would probably saw before you leave for your dad since that's when you will be more accessible to her in case she wants to talk more about it.

    Either way, you have certainly done your homework and you have an amazing family backing you up so go for it. Either one should work just fine :slight_smile:

    Best of luck!
     
  3. thylvin

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    hay man, welcome!

    I love your story and you have a truely wonderfull supportive family. I would suggest the same as TheEdend, tell her before you go, or even better, as her to come with you to the therapist and tell her there with the therapist in the same room. This way the Therapist can also help you and your mom work out her issues. But from my experience, one's parents always know, whether you accept it or not, they know you better than you think and they usualy have a sixth sense with this kind of things.

    The Therapist might also help her to approach her husband in the best way and tell him, but i would ask you to tell your mom once you told her, to wait before she tells her husband, to wait atleast until you are gone for a week, this way they both can work it out and hopefully by the time you come back they would have accepted you for who you realy are.


    Good luck though.
     
  4. olides84

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    I agree that coming out now before you go to your Dad's place is the best option. It's pretty clear that your Mom has suspected/feared it--I mean her best friend has always assumed--but maybe she always wanted to deny it, although she might know the truth now. Why not have a heart-to-heart talk. She loves you, and she might be worried about you or just have difficulty in understanding or accepting that your life will be different than she imagined it would be. And that's ok. She needs time, so you might as well start the clock now :slight_smile: Good luck!
     
  5. dl72

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    Congrats on coming out. I agree that you should tell your mom before you go to your dads place. This way she has time for it to sink in and realize the truth. Plus you will be able to talk to her before you go to London to straighten everything out. Good luck.
     
  6. Dynabooze

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    Thank you all for your support! I thought about it for a long time last night and basically told myself that I would have to tell her before I left to my Dad's house. That way it won't be like a hit and run type thing; where I won't even be in the country if she (or my stepdad) had any questions. It's just going to take a lot of building up courage knowing that in less than a week I will be coming out to my mom. But, at the same time it's kind of reliving and exciting! haha Hopefully all goes as planned, or I might be moving in with my dad or grandma. :|
     
  7. thylvin

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    I will suggest that when you tell her to also play some very nice music... there is a song by Cranberries, it is always used in movies and everytime you hear the song, it moves one's heart and soul.... its called Dreams.... this is just a suggestion but i think with this kind of music it will move her, make her more open towards who you are.

    People always forget the profound impact music has on a person and this particular song is so powerfull and positive at the same time... it actualy brings a tear in my eyes everytime i hear that song!
     
  8. Dynabooze

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    I appreciate the suggestion, but knowing my mom, I think that would weird her out. But, i am listening to the song right now and it is a good song! :grin:
     
  9. thylvin

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    lol i am glad you do like it... you shouldn't play it loud when you talk to her just as a light background music like in restaurants or something. But like now, play it full volume and then you have the full effect of the song
     
  10. Dynabooze

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    I did it!! Apparently my mom had found out months ago when reading a conversation I had with a friend on skype and she told me that she would always love me and she was more upset that I felt I couldn't come to her first.

    On the other hand however, she will be telling my stepdad for me while I am away. So the anxiety is not completely gone. My stepdad is very religious and very against homosexuality as far as I know, and I am sure that he will be worried about what people will think of him, especially since I have only known him for 4 years. I have never even hugged the guy, I don't call him dad, have never said I love you to him, and there are days when we don't even speak a word to eachother. It is really sad that we don't really have anything near a father-son relationship and I am almost certain this will have an effect on the way he deals with the idea that I am gay. Hopefully my mom will help him through the understanding process, I mean, I was kind of hoping that someone wouldn't take it as easy as everyone else, because I wanted to educate someone on how I didn't choose this and how I am the same person I always was, but I didn't exactly want to have to do this with my stepdad. I guess we will see how it goes. eeek

    Also, I rented Prayers For Bobby on Netflix, the movie I watched the night before coming out to my mom and told her to watch with my stepdad after telling him. I felt it really addresses the whole religion aspect and keeping your faith while still being who you are. But, I am not sure if that would be kind of a lot for him to take in all at once... especially with several kissing scenes throughout the movie... But, the movie is on its way here, I just wanted to get some more feedback from you guys.

    Thank you all so much for your support, this forum is sooo helpful. My generation is so lucky to have resources like this one that the LGBT community of previous generations did not have.

    <3
     
  11. TheEdend

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    That's great!! Congrats on having an awesome mom and not telling her :slight_smile:

    I'm sure it'll go well with you stepdad :slight_smile:
     
  12. Dynabooze

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    Well, I am leaving tomorrow and will be coming home to a very different situation in two week.....:icon_sad: Hopefully all goes well... :/