So I thought I was straight. Then, about five months ago, started to doubt that. Figured I was probably bi. Wasn't too sure, had my doubts. Started to think I might be gay. I signed up here almost three weeks ago. Asked some questions, thought a lot. But, thanks to the advice and insight I got, I think I can say that I am, in fact, gay. Which is why I've updated my profile to reflect this. Neat! I'll see a guy somewhere, think he's cute/ hot, and think it's odd that I don't think it's odd. Sure, there are still some girls that make me question that, so I might not, in the strictest sense, be homosexual. But I am gay. It did feel strange, thinking about LGBT matters in the first person. But it feels less odd now. So... I'm not quite ready to tell people yet. I'm going to wait until the timing's better. But until then, until I do come out, I've made a decision. While I'm not yet "out of the closet" yet, I'm going to stop closing the door; that is, I'm not going to try so hard to hide that I'm gay. That's still something I have to figure out; just how gay is my personality? I've spent so much time trying to hide and correct any non-masculine characteristics, that I don't quite know how I really act. So I still have a little more to do- I need to get a better understanding of my personality (ongoing, but making progress) and I need to determine just how my family will react (I'm glad to say that recent conversations, while somewhat inconclusive, are favorable). So though I'm not quite ready to come out of the closet, I'm going to leave the closet door open a little. That feels like a big step, but I feel comfortable enough to take it.
Congratulations on making progress in your journey of acceptance! My only suggestion is not to try to be gay but just be yourself. Being gay and being effeminate are not the same thing. Some guys are effeminate and gay and some guys are effeminate and not gay. Some guys are more effeminate than others (gay or not). Just be honest to yourself and behave however you feel is right for you and the rest will fall into place. (!)
Congrats! This is certainly a step and one of the most important ones in my opinion. It’s great that you have come so far already and want to keep working on accepting yourself, which will make everything so much easier for you later on. This can be tricky. The best thing to try and do is to not overanalyze it and just go with whatever feels comfortable to you Best of luck!
I am by no means "normal," so there is no reason, I know, to set myself aginst stereotypes. I need to me myself in order to find myself, I guess. Oh well, whatever I am, I'll find out eventually. And once I do, I'll... go get ice cream or something, I don't know. I like ice cream. Thanks for your thoughts and support.
