Can't I just not tell?

Tell them when you're ready, whether that's a week from now or a year from now. I'm glad that you don't think it'll be an issue- not everyone is blessed with such fortunate circumstances. Also, if you've told friends and they know members of your family, they could accidentally out you (not trying to scare you here, but it could happen).

 

When I really started coming out of the closet, I was at the point of "if my parents ask me, I will tell them, but I will not make an issue of it" type thing... and last week my mom ended up asking me, so I told her.
So maybe if the topic comes up, let them know, but don't force the issue.

 

I don't think it's crucial to tell them right away. But I do think that once you are finally in a relationship with someone that you should tell them. This is a good idea for a number of reasons...
(1) your girlfriend will want to feel appreciated and she may not feel it if you are hiding her from your family. (2) When looking for a relationship, it can be a turn off to be still in the closet, they might think you are not a serious person or are still unsure of yourself. (3) Would you want to be in a relationship where you are always sneaking around and lying to your parents about where you are going or what you're doing? It's hard having that kind of relationship, and it's not easy lying all the time. (4) If you are lying to your family all the time and your girlfriend sees that and notices you getting away with it and not feeling bad about it, it might make them wonder if you could do the same to them and will make them feel insecure.

Just something to think about. But if you are content with the way your life is right now while your parents are in ignorant bliss then there isn't anything wrong with waiting a little while to tell them. :icon_wink

 

I'm of the same opinion. Right now I see no point rocking the boat and telling them. If I get a boyfriend I will as then there will be a reason to. And if they ever ask me (which I doubt they will) then I won't deny it.

 

Well, I must admit I read that sentence and said huh? You are avoiding the topic so is it really true that you are totally comfortable acting like yourself at home. I guess my point is: if you were straight would you be open to your mom about dating/wanting/not wanting boyfriends? If so, why can't you be open about that with girlfriends if you aren't scared to tell them and they wouldn't care? I mean, it doesn't sound like a big deal, but I guess I'm not really understanding why you are waiting unless of course it's simply that you aren't ready which is totally fine.

 

I would wait until you're completely comfortable with your parents. If you wouldn't be comfortable offhandedly mentioning a potential girlfriend with your mom, I would probably hold off on the whole deal. And there really is no rush to it all for you, it seems. So take it slow and come out whenever you're ready!

 

I had these thoughts. I'm sure many people do. The interesting thing about coming out is the more you do it, the more your feelings like that change. Also, the longer you wait can change these feelings too. I had feelings like that for a while, then once everyone else knew and I wasn't seeing them very often (since I don't live with them anymore) it became unbearable for them not to know because I kept thinking, if something happens to them tomorrow, I'd want them to know who their son really is. It might not be something that is urgent for your family to know, but it is something they should know. They're your family.

Plus, what if you're dating someone and they break up with you and it's extremely upsetting. Sure you have friends you can turn to, but family is what is really going to help because they can help you feel loved again. It's hard to talk about your relationships with the same sex if your family doesn't know you're into the same sex.

That being said, if you don't feel ready, don't do it. However if you're as comfortable with it as you say, why don't you just come out anyways. Why hide for no reason if you've got the ability to comfortably out yourself?

 

Yes, you should wait until you are ready. If you don't have too tell them, than don't. If you are comfortable with the way things are, than don't change things.