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My sister outed me to my best friend!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by zerogravity, Aug 3, 2011.

  1. zerogravity

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    Well, I was outed to my best friend, by my sister! My sister went on a walk with her and told her :confused: My sister was like "she was asking questions about you and the way I didn't answer she figured it out". So I'm not mad at her or anything but I still feel really bad :icon_sad:

    I met my best friend for coffee the next day and she was like "so I guess we'll never get married" (jokingly) and I was like "uhhh i guess my sister told you?" and it was super awkward. We talked about it a lot and I told her the whole story (knew I was gay at 11-12 but was told it was just a phase, crushes on boys, my recent dating experiences, etc)

    So she was mad at me initially (more like hurt) because I never told her. Now I feel really bad because it was kindof like lying to her through our entire friendship :icon_sad: I don't know what to say to justify why I was in the closet for so long. How to I deal with my other friends who don't know?
     
    #1 zerogravity, Aug 3, 2011
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2011
  2. dl72

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    You should not feel bad at all. You were not ready to come out, and shouldn't be forced too. Your friendship with your friend is not based on your sexuality.
     
  3. Sadepeura

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    This reminds me of my situation but the other way around. My best friend from back home started dating my brother and told him. They were talking about "how would they feel if one of their friends was a homosexual" and she said that she would be fine with it, and she actually knows that she would be because one of her friends is gay. And my brother then started guessing which one... And yeah, eventually she just told him that it was me.

    My brother has never mentioned that to me though although he's known for like a year now. I might see him in a few weeks so maybe I should bring it up with him. My best friend said that he was very quiet after she told him.

    TO THE POINT, I can see that would be awkward, but you shouldn't feel bad. Your best friend wanted to know because she wants to know you. And you would have told her yourself if she hadn't asked it from your sister. She maybe didn't want to ask it from you because she wasn't sure if you were ready to answer and didn't want to offend you? And what it comes to your other friends... Just don't lie to them that you're straight. Tell them if you feel comfortable with it, but otherwise just tell them if they ask or if it comes up naturally.
     
  4. thylvin

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    I agree with you there.

    Though you guys have been friends a long time, for her something like this can feel like she's been lied to. But if she really is that a good friend, she would have noticed little signs other people very close to you usually notice that you yourself don't even notice. If she really think about it, she will know exactly what i am talking about. If she noticed but didn't picked up on it, she in fact lied to herself.

    She must understand that coming out is a very difficult thing for us. That we feel in a world of storms, that we have to work out the issues for ourself first.

    Then again she might really have fallen for you but not say anything, so in this case she lied to you too.

    It is natural to feel bad when we come out to those closest to us. It feels like we have lied to them all the time that we knew them. That being said, they should know how difficult it is for us to even come to grips with it ourself. The only thing they can actually do is be supportive, after all that is the real basis of friendship... SUPPORTING ONE ANOTHER AND ACCEPTING ONE ANOTHER NO MATTER WHAT.
     
  5. flymetothemoon

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    I think it is really hard for someone to understand why you don't come out unless they have been there, but it doesn't mean they can't understand. Just explain to her that we're in a world that just assumes we are straight unless we say otherwise, so we actually have to come out and announce who we like when other people never have to go through that, and it's tough to decide when we are ready to say it. I think she will come to understand why you weren't ready.
     
  6. zerogravity

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    I'm 100% sure she thought I was straight before, and actually she probably had a crush on me at some point because of how we met (she asked me out and I said I couldn't go out with her because our siblings were dating so it would be weird).

    Yeah, so basically I lied to her about why I didnt want to date her when I met her. I was 15 and in denial/very scared about people finding out I was gay :frowning2: I feel really bad looking back at it because I even lied to some people when I was 18 and in college and I lied to some people and said we used to date to cover up my gayness.

    Sadepeura, you are right I can't lie anymore about being gay and I have no intention to if the subject comes up.

    Thylvin, you are partially right, she did have a crush on me but she was always 100% honest about that :frowning2:

    I know at some level I shouldn't feel bad - I mean at some point I actually believed that I would "grow out of" being gay if I tried hard enough.
     
  7. predator9089

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    Ya sisters are evil. They will do that.