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Never knew it would feel this good.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Leif, Aug 4, 2011.

  1. Leif

    Full Member

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    I have always known I was bi. It's not something I've ever tried to hide. As a matter of fact, I didn't know that everyone wasn't that way till I was about seven. It just seemed natural. My mom once told me she didn't care who I dated, as long as one day I came home with a nice boy and give her grandchildren.

    I never really came out because everyone already knew.

    Thing is, I've recently come to terms with being transgender. I've never felt comfortable/right being a female. I've said a bit about it in a previous post but I'll explain myself a bit here. I was one of the guys. Then puberty hit and I couldn't pass off for one anymore. I spent a few years as a very angry and confused preteen. Then one day my mom threw away most of my clothes and told me to grow up. So I became a girl. I dress and acted how I was expected. I was still bi and actually dated more girls then guys growing up, I wasn't going to give that part of me up. In my later teen years I found a new group of friends (mostly guys) and it almost felt like I was one of the guys again.

    Things got bad at home so I moved away. I started wearing mostly guys clothes again. Then I moved again. And again. And recently again all the way across the world to Australia. Every time things start to get bad I tend to run away. I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere and I have a lot of time to think and I realized I don't want to spend my life running away. Before I moved this last time I was in therapy for six months and became good friends with my therapist and still keep in touch with him. With his help I came to realize something I've known all along. On the inside I just do not feel like a female, and that's okay.

    It felt like I was coming out to myself and it felt awesome. That happened with in the last few months.

    Today while talking to my best friend, who is gay and has been out since he was 14, and I decided to have a real conversation with him about it. We've had vague half conversations in the past but I really wanted to just be straight forward and open with him. He told me he wasn't to surprised, we've known each other for most of our lives. He was worried about this meaning lots of change and I reassured him that all change will be happening in baby steps and that personality wise I'm the same person. He feels a bit odd about it still, but says he loves me no matter what. That's why he's my best friend.

    It felt amazing to finally be straight up and talk to someone about it. I remember when he came out he told me that he was on such a high from the feeling that he wanted to tell everyone. I never knew it would feel this good to be open. I feel so happy and alive.
    Of course I still have issues and conflicting emotions about things, but like I said, baby steps. Finding EC and the amazing people here has been one of the best things to happen to me in a long while. Talking to people and reading about their experiences gives me hope for humanity, as corny as that might sound.

    So what I really just want to say is thanks guys, even though I don't know many of you I have a lot of respect and love for what you're doing here.
     
  2. Random Dent

    Random Dent Guest

    (*hug*) Congrats. I'm really happy for you, hon. :slight_smile:

    Lots of luck to you.
     
  3. Katelynn

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    (*hug*) I'm sooo happy for you too! I know that we have talked a bit about things & you know that I feel the same way about things related to my gender as well, so I'm so glad you were able to find EC & that all of us here are able to be here for you. I can DEFINITELY relate to how you feel. Like 97% of all my friends my entire life, even now, are female, and when I came out to my first friend I felt like I was on a cloud way up high! And now that I'm out to one of her friends, it feels so amazing to have two extremely supportive people in my life that I canjust be myself around! It truly is a liberating feeling!

    (*hug*) I'm so proud of you & I wish you all the best of luck on the journey you are about to take!
     
  4. Sadepeura

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    Congratulations! :slight_smile: That's really great!
     
  5. Mercy

    Mercy Guest

    Awh <3 yay