Some say nudged....Some say pushed.

The first thing you need to understand is that I haven't officially come out yet. I just recently became able to count the people who know on two hands. And even then, I didn't really choose to tell them, it just...slipped out. Thankfully though, I know enough to be grateful that none of the coming outs went badly.

There are the people like my mother and my best friend since middle school. They were able to pick up on very subtle hints over the years and finally (after some time and pressuring) squeezed it out of me. I was especially wary of my best friend since I thought I'd picked up hints that she didn't like gays or lesbians and was uncomfortable with the concept. Especially our first year of high school around Day of Silence, when my closest friends and I would go up to the table to sign the pledge that we support and will not discriminate against the LGBT community, she would become very awkward and muffle out an "I-I can't." She still won't to this day, although now I know that she supports me, at the very least. I asked her directly on last year's DoS if it bothered her and she said no. It surprised me, but she really does seem completely fine now that she knows.

My mother of course became suspicious when I suddenly became very interested in gay/lesbian related issues in the news, and when I suddenly joined the GSA group at my school so enthusiastically. She just asked me one day after I was talking about a meeting if I was gay. I personally consider it very flustering and typically explain it as being "rude to ask someone's orientation directly" (which it is, if you don't know a person well enough), but she didn't see why and accepted it like it was the most casual thing in the world that her daughter was lesbian. She's even helping me to take the factor into account in choosing my college and has been very good about listening to me when I need to talk to her about it.

While there are people like them involved, there's also the bane of my existence. The only girl in the world that I might possibly hate is a bipolar bisexual who finds nothing wrong with exposing her own orientation and so finds nothing wrong whatsoever at outing someone else. This has been the basis for most of our fights, and I don't plan on keeping up a relation with her, believe me. For those who were not informed of my orientation by myself, they were informed by her. I used to be a club advisor with her and we would have our meetings at a fast food restaurant across the street from the school. She would occasionally get the bright idea to joke to the the other officers (who just happened to be all boys) about me liking girls. STRONGLY. The last one happened to be the first and only boy I ever tried to date in an experiment to see if I could like a guy. He was my older brother's old friend and he seemed really nice. He noticed that I was getting upset and trying to get her to be quiet. Whenever he started asking about it I would quickly try to change the subject and steer away from suspicion. That day after everyone else left, he took me to an empty booth and asked me directly. I had to say yes, and felt very awkward and violated, but he was awesome and said he'd keep it a secret, which he has to this day.

Needless to say, I found out that Friday on our date from the horse's mouth that she had told him "She's not sure if she likes girls or not yet." I just lost it right there in the car. And what's more--she didn't even realized what she'd done, why I was mad, or that it was wrong of her! After that, he and I never dated again. He ended up going out with my best friend I mentioned earlier, cheated on her, etc., but that's another story entirely. I hate his guts. xp

Why is it I can never come out to someone when I decide to???