Alright, I'm questioning, i guess you could say (it's a looooong story.), but I really think i'm gay. I really want to come out. But there's a zillion problems with that. A couple years ago my brother got married to a woman with whom he couldn't produce children. This created friction in my mothers/brothers relationship. It landed them in therapy, even. Her beliefs are that marriage and love are to produce children. She took it very badly that he couldnt and tried to convince him to divorce her for this reason. She then placed the responsibility on me to have children to carry on the family name. (When I get older.) I can't imagine her reaction if her other child was gay. I have been putting on a very good facade as a stright person for so long. I'm afraid she'll say I'm just confused. Be in a state of disbeleif, you know? And I am friends with alot of people from church. Most of my friends are friends from church. This particular church (we won't mention any names.) believes homosexuals to be possessed by the devil. (we won't even get me started on that.) So, essentially, I'm surrounded by homophobes. So, should I come out directly, or are some secrets better kept? Please help!
I believe you should live your life for yourself, and not for anyone else. Why should you be miserable to keep your family happy? You won't get any thanks for it. Your brother and his wife could adopt kids if it is that much of an issue for them. But it's their problem, not yours, and you don't have to live a lie for their benefit and your mother's benefit. Have a look here for the posts from guys who have been married and had kids before accepting they are gay. That causes even more problems for the (ex)wife and kids, who are just innocent victims in the person's pretence. It sounds like you may have to move away to somewhere a bit more enlightened. I don't know your age and circumstances, so it may be a while before you can get to a position where you can support yourself. But as soon as you can, do it. It may be better to wait until you are settled away from home before telling your family and friends. Doing so now could make things worse. So the secret may be being kept - but only for a while and for your benefit.
Exactly what i was going to say Paul...GuitarGirl, the old bags gonna die long before you will...who cares if she's pissed...you only have to live with her til' ur 18...then you can uproot your ass and move on and live a happy life (im not going to say gay lifestyle because i dont really think there is one...i mean the only difference between a "gay" lifestyle and a "hetero" lifestyle is that your with the same sex...i mean...wow big difference *sarcasim* does it really constitute a different "lifestyle"?) And i mean, tough bananas if she wants kids...your brother can adopt if she wants it that bad. BINGO! Grr, taking all my advice, ill have to always get here early...you're always getting the good advice haha. Exactly, that way if they go all monkey over this tiny issue (cuz' thats all it is, society blows homosexuality out of proportion) then its ok cuz' you're miles away...plus you can always find new SUPPORTING friends...and as for family...they got the choice of letting this tear you guys apart and never see you again or at least TRY to be supportive or accepting and have the possiblity of you considering coming back to them...like Paul said, judging by the stage of acceptance you're at...you got a few years to plan and decide what you want to do.
PAUL_UK- Thank you so much for the advice. You don't realize the pressure she puts on him about having biological (keyword) grandchildren (he has 2 stepkids but theyre not good enough...BIOLOGICAL.) but thats a different story. I plan on moving to Nashville when I'm 18 to pursue college and a musical career. (Im fifteen now.) You've helped.(*hug*) Proud- I heart your screen name, haha. Okay, thank you too for the advice. I admire your views on homosexuality. The world needs more people like that! Thank you for helping. (*hug*)
My parents are like yours. For some reason, they believe that adoption is a bad idea. My mom used to constantly tell me about how when I have children, she will spend all her time with them and treat them as she treated me. When I told her that I was gay, she cried for days. I couldn't stand her negative behavior, so I just told her that I was actually bi, and that there is a chance that I might marry a woman with whom I can breed like a rabbit. That seems to have quieted her for a bit. I don't think it would be a good idea to tell your mom now; it might be better to wait until you move. If she's really involved with your local church, she might have you speak to someone from there, which I doubt you would find fun... Unless she is the type to be so ashamed that she wouldn't be able to tell even a priest/pastor/rabbi/whatever. You mentioned that most of your friends are religious, but what about those who aren't? If you feel ready to tell someone, I would suggest that you start there. How many of them are close enough for you to come out to them? I don't really know how your highly-religious friends might react. You should think a lot about the circumstances for each person. Though, religion is really sticky; how do you convince a friend that the religious figure that's been teaching her so much about life is wrong about homosexuality?
Imad- It's glad to know someone can know what it's like. I don't think I really should tell those friends, because this church has to be the most lame thing on the planet. They have a crusade against homosexuals when they have better things to spend their time on, but we won't get started there. There's no way to make them believe otherwise, I've tried. (Not on homosexuality because I'd probobly burst into tears in the middle of the meeting and make a complete fool of myself.) but about women's place ni the church. (They're anti-women, but only if the women are taking a leadership role in the church. weird, huh?) So they'll probobly never know. But that's alright. As for the her talking to a priest, I doubt she'd tell a priest for fear of the children finding out. She respects me that much at least... I think my cousin is probobly the most level headed and open minded person I know. Also, she doesn't go to my school or live in my neighborhood, which is what mostly has prevented me from coming out. Sometimes I hate myself for being ashamed, but this ain't my personal sob story here, so I'll move on. I think the next time I see her, I'm coming out. My friends aren't the best people to come out to, even the non-religious ones. Of the four that aren't superchristians, 2 are homophobes (oh joy, double standards. They adore gay men and hate gay women...), one is madly in love with me (sadly, he's male.) and one you can trust with secrets about as much as someone who's trying to sell you oceanfront property in Tennesee. Well I have prattled on enough. Thanks so much! (*hug*)
"Personal Sob Story" Ugg, i hate people who are still stuck in the stone age lol. Well, thats a relief...and im glad your mother's not a total baboon. Well there's a good start...as long as you have SOMEONE to talk to it makes the world of a difference...my best wishes and luck to you. That's where you a very wrong my friend, this place is the ideal place to just let every emotion out....sob story or otherwise, i think others will agree when i say it would be very healthy for you to, whenever you're feeling under the weather, to just make a post and have a good cry...its the words we dont say that drown us. Emotional release is VERY important for your mind and spirit.
I can't figure out how to "quote" yet so I'll just do it my own way. "whenever you're feeling under the weather, to just make a post and have a good cry...its the words we dont say that drown us. Emotional release is VERY important for your mind and spirit." You are right. I just usually feel bad about it because I feel like I'm whining. I have a feeling this could turn into one of them, so hold on tight for later postings... I'm really glad there's places like this. I've lived my life in secret for about two years before finally googling support for youth. Y'all have helped so much. (*hug*)
Well to help you out a bit with the quoting thing, it's easy. There should be a button at the bottom of every post in the right hand corner that says "quote" . Or if that dont work for you use: [ QUOTE=SCREENNAMEHERE] at the beginning of the quote (without the italics and the space between the "Q" and the " [ ") and: [/QUOTE] at the end of every quote so end it. Moving on...dont ever feel the need to reserve feelings for being "whiny"...this is a no-heat zone....no one will critisize you or anything, but if you feel its best to reverse your feelings for out of the forum, then thats your choice....but i personally assure you that no one will ever call you out on being "whiny"... And im very proud of you for finally looking for support and start to contemplate if you are in fact homosexual or not. I sencerely hope your time here at EC will be helpful and happy. Blessed be!
Thanks for your help on the quoting. First, thanks so much. That's really comforting, and I really do feel better when I come here if I'm mad or upset or whatnot. I'm just used to be introverted emotionally. It's nice not to be. Second, thanks! Proud? That means alot. One thing though, I've done my fair share of contemplating. Haha. Part of me -most of me- knows I am, but other parts of me just recite "no you're not. LIKE GUYS." constantly. But I can't talk myself into it. *shrugs* what am I gonna do about it? Nothin'. I'm not breaking the law or injuring myself, so what's it matter? I thought I would share this story as well. I have been talking to my mother alot about the topic of homosexuality lately. Just kind of poking little hints- like reading all these books about gays, talking about my 'out' gay friends, not to mention the fact that I am in love with that Brokeback Mountain movie...anyway...today we began talking about one of my homosexual friends who is getting kicked out of his house in a year because his parents suck at parenting gay kids. I then read her a poem about how religion opresses people and how the gospel of the lord is to love one another as you love yourself. I've been talking to her about the United Church of Christ and it's messages, how much I dislike my current churches views on homosexuality, etc. I think something hit her today about me. I think she figured it out. And now I think she's been given a sensativity treatment. She stopped cracking gay jokes...and I was really caught off guard Because suddenly she says..."You know. I could never stop loving my children, no matter what. If you came home gay, I wouldn't just stop loving you or kick you out of the house." And moments ago, as we were watching "House", she told me once again that if I came home one day gay she'd love me. I started gnawing on my poor lower lip, but it felt really good to hear her say that, though I still think she might be a tad shocked if I was to come out...anywho, I have my hand on the closet door now. I just need to turn the key and open it. Though that may still take some time as I need to finish fully accepting this myself first...of course, there's always that fear that she won't keep her trap shut and that she may not react how she says...trust me, I know her. But it's a comfort. I'm sorry that this is getting so lengthy, but I am going to post the afforementioned poem in the ChitChat area under the title "Gospel". Thank you once more!! (*hug*) What would I do without you guys? GROUP HUG! (&&&)
Hi GuitarGirl, Just wanted to let you know that some of us can take years to accept the fact that we're gay, at least I did. Subconsciously, I've known for much longer but my sense of wanting to be "normal" blocked out the obvious. Give yourself time to get used to the idea and the rest will begin to fall into place. I found it useful to do some self-analysis and confirm my conclusions to the point where there was no sense in denying it any longer. From that moment, it's been absolutely great. I've rarely felt so good about myself as I have during the last 3 months. Hope you get there soon and your mom is understanding. Lorenz
Wow Lorenz, you just completely summed up how I feel with this- "Subconsciously, I've known for much longer but my sense of wanting to be "normal" blocked out the obvious. Give yourself time to get used to the idea and the rest will begin to fall into place. I found it useful to do some self-analysis and confirm my conclusions to the point where there was no sense in denying it any longer. " I was getting very depressed from trying to repress my feelings and be the "norm" of society. So I let me subconcious break free. I will give myself time for this. Thanks for the consolations and advice. (*hug*)
my sister is very religous and when i told her she wouldent talk to me for a few weeks when she finaly did start talking to me again she sayed hate the sin not the sinner and pray for god to right there path i think its a lode of bull poo but as it turnes out she is a lesbien herself and when i told her it got her thinking about her sexuallity as well so now all we have to put up with is out mom who is not very respecting of gays and bis ricki
