A;LKJGA;LDKGJA;LDFKGJA;LDKFJA;LSDKFJA;SLDKFJA;LSDKGJAL;EKFJS;dlfkj1!!!!!!!! Sorry, that was me still spasming from telling my dad. I can't believe I did it. I just decided to walk into his room when he was getting ready to go to sleep. He was already in bed, and I walked in and said "this is going to be the most important conversation I will have with you in my entire life." Then, I started shaking. And for 2 minutes I didn't say anything. Finally, I whispered "I'm gay." Of course, I started sobbing, even though I swore I would not cry. I really had come to internal acceptance by this point, but when I told him, all my self-prejudices seemed to reemerge. Actually telling a real person was, frankly, the most difficult thing I've ever done in my entire life. He was completely shocked (a combination of me being a fairly masculine guy and trying extremely hard over the years to hide it). He asked me how I knew, and I said the fact that since the age of 13 (I'm now 21), 99% of my porn and sexual attractions have been for men. I also told him that I have had fulfilling relationships with women and can perform sexually with them when I am physically with them, and thus I would like to see a therapist. He for a while seemed to think that maybe this was something I had convinced myself of (which is actually a real concern for me, I tend to focus on something, bottle it up, and not share it until I won't accept others' opinions), but he also told me that he loves me no matter what, and that he will always love me, and that he knows my future may be difficult at times, but that he will always support me. I asked him how he never noticed the signs (never dating girls in high school, always locking the door to my room while I was in it for the fear that I would be watching gay porn if he walked in on me), but he was honestly 100% shocked and no idea it was coming. (He said that when I first walked in the room, he thought I was going to say something like "I have cancer," which he said would have been much worse than this conversation). Anyway, this is the first person I have ever come out to, and we both agreed that when I go back to school in 2 weeks, I'm going to see a therapist to help me work through some issues, but I JUST FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. Sorry, haha. Now coming out to everyone else in my life just seems like more of a pain in the ass than anything else. Can I get something dancing or smiling or something?
Wow...that's incredible. It really is so hard to do. I like to think of coming out as baring your soul to someone, because that's literally what you're doing; sharing one of the most personal parts of yourself with someone else. I am unbelievably proud of you, my friend. Well done. ---------- Post added 16th Aug 2011 at 07:35 PM ---------- Oh, and, but of course: :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)
Congrats man!!! I'm so glad to hear it went okay and you must feel so relieved. I like how you prefaced your coming out with "this is going to be the most important conversation I will have with you in my entire life." Haha, no wonder your dad thought it was cancer! :thewave::thewave: (!!)(!!)(!!)(!!)(!!)(!!)(!!)
Wow, what an amazing story. It's great that your dad has been so supportive. I don't think there's any question you really are gay; the reservations you have are very typical in the last stages of coming to acceptance, sort of a last-ditch effort by the unconscious to stop the process. I think therapy will be a big help to you, but honestly, I think you'll feel a pretty powerful shift within a week or two with or without therapy; that tends to happen once we've initiated the coming out process. One other point: It would not be unexpected for your dad to have a different response in a day or two; remember that if he's completely shocked, then he's suddenly processing everything, while you've had years. So he can be expected to have some questions, maybe some strong emotions, but all of that would be normal, if it happens, and he'll be fine. You're lucky to have such a great parent I hope you'll keep us up to date about how things are going for you.
That sounds like it went great for you! I'm happy. You have a really cool dad. And now that you've come out to a parent, which is usually the hardest for most people, most everyone else should be pretty easy. Congrats!
Thanks everyone. But I have another concern. Last night, when I first came out, I felt much better. Bu when I woke up this morning, not so much. This happened to me every time a few months ago when I was admitting myself I was gay. I would cry myself to sleep and then wake up and just not feel gay. I can't really explain it. I know I'm obviously still attracted to men (I kind of "tested" it this morning just to be sure), but there's something that's still unsettling inside me. Is this normal? I thought I was supposed to just feel great after I came out.
This exact same thing happened to me when I came out - in fact, it's what my first post on EC was about. I felt great the night before when I actually came out, and then for the next few days there was this immense feeling of regret, of "oh shit, I shouldn't have done that." The good news is, as you said, you're still gay. Your body isn't try to stave off the gayness or anything like that. Its just you've made a massive change, one from which you can't go back to your old life in the closet. The human mind hates change, loves stability and the status quo and something like this, like sexuality, something that goes to the core of your being, will definitely not keep the status quo. This isn't just one of those tiny little cosmetic life changes, like getting a new haircut, changing your look, moving to a new town - this is a sea change. Your mind is probably intimidated by the journey you have to go on now, all the talks you need to make, all the relationships that could change (for better and for worse). But trust me, it's totally worth it!
I recently came out myself, and there are some times when I don't "feel gay," which comcerns me (what if I'm wrong? Did I just make a big mistake?) But if you're gay, you're gay, even if you don't feel that way at the moment. Your dad sounds supportive, which is great, so just be yourself and you'll start to feel better, more confident about it. Congratulations on coming out! Here, have a banana. (!) Hell, have a few more! (!)(!)(!!):eusa_danc
Hey congratulations on coming out! It takes an immense amount of courage to come out to one your family members and I'm glad to hear that everything went well for you! (!)
Your story is inspiring. You are a very brave person, congratulations. (!)(!)(!) As to not feeling gay, I have days when I feel completely ok with my homosexuality, like I could just walk to someone on the street and tell them. Other days, I'm much more inhibited, and sometimes I even think that I'll never be able to tell anyone about it. So I guess it's normal to oscillate. The important thing is that you've made the big, brave step, and that your father was supportive. Once again, congratulations.
