so, i am a 19 year old kid who is in the closet. I went to a high school of about 4500 and in my school I was the most popular, or a better way to put it is well known. Well known because I had the most friends out of anyone else & because I was class president. People knew me more than ur average school president because I was a stoner also and people always saw me at parties.(btw not trying to toot my own horn, just trying to have people understand where im at/coming from) I'm friends with the "popular athetic" type along with the stranger kids at my school. I was the guy who people called if they wanted to find a party and it worked because I hooked people up and then they hooked me up. When first meeting me you would never think I was gay. I'm good at hiding it(dont have a gay voice which helps, not saying its bad cause actually i think its hot, just that wen guys with a certain voice, well u can just tell) I've noticed my self F*cking more and more girls, half of them ehhh half of them pretty good lookin or better, however the only reason I have sex so much with girls is to keep back my homo status/thoughts. When im f*cking a girl I dont think about guys so much. I'm in college now in a bro mc bro frat. I was pledge class president and people r looking up to me to start taking the lead of the house and to rush new fellas in. The thing is this is all starting to fall at a terrible time cause as the days past I just wanna try having sex with a guy more and more(i never have). The thing is I dont want to just yet because I am worried that being with guys will make me feel just as empty as I do f*cking girls. Also I'm afraid if I do have sex with a guy my chance of having a wife and my overall attraction to girls, which is still present, will go away. I feel more gay than straight so I wanna turn but there r too many things holding me back. I dont know what to do and this is my first cry for any sort of help. No one knows im gay. Has anyone been in similar shoes and gotten through alright?
I have never been where you are but I can sympathise with how you feel. From your post it sounds like you are bisexual. Most gay guys I know would never have sex with a girl let alone have the hope of having a wife one day. You know yourself best and you alone can accurately identify your sexual orientation. I wish you all the best on your journey of self discovery.
I know where you are coming from. Listen though, popularity or being in a frat shouldn't hold you back from truly exploring and enjoying who you are. I'm a pretty popular guy at my school, and at first I was afraid to come out because I felt like I had a lot to lose (popularity was the last thing on my mind, I wanted to keep my best friends). It sounds like you should do some exploring and experimentation with other guys. By the way, you aren't necessarily feeling empty when you have sex with girls just because they are girls. It could be because you aren't in any sort of romantic relationship with them, or because you are not intimate with them other than physically. It would feel the same if you had sex with a stranger who happened to be male. You also mentioned that you are afraid your attraction to girls may go away. This may or may not happen, but you won't know until you try it. If you weren't meant to be with a woman, then the issue will rear its ugly head again later on in life, potentially after you are married and/or have children. It's better to find out now and save yourself a lot of hardship. Being gay is not the end of the world. You have to deal with issues of acceptance and tolerance more so than other "groups" of people, but nonetheless people in today's world are more accepting than they were even 10 years ago. I know popularity and keeping all your friends is an issue, especially since you are in a frat, but this social aspect of your current day-to-day self is actually a very small part of your life. You will move on to do better things than worrying about whether or not your frat buddies are disgusted with you or not. I am almost willing to bet actual money that 90% of the guys in your fraternity will actually be okay with it. I'm friends with a lot of frat guys, and they tell me that there are plenty of gay people in the fraternities. My university even has its very own gay fraternity. Anyways, I am confident that you will resolve your issues. Take a deep breath, and realize that it's OK to feel an attraction towards guys more than girls.
First off, Welcome to EC! Coming out its definitely hard, but its definitely not impossible and its mostly a very positive experience once you do come out. As you read more threads you will find that in most cases people are able to come out to the closet, be themselves and keep their lives exactly the same way as when they were in the closet. The only difference would be that you are no longer hiding this secret and hoping people that it doesn't come up, which is a very freeing feeling. You friends are your friends not because you are straight, but because you are you. If I were to ask your friends what they liked about you they would probably tell me that they like that you are a cool guy, fun to hang out with and chill, and not because you are straight. The thing is none of those things will change after you come out so people's perception of you will not change and the respect that you have from people won't either. Yes, you might lose some people because of the gay thing, but at the same time you will gain other people's respect for having the courage to be who you are. Just like sleeping with women can't make you lose your attraction for guys, sleeping with a guy will definitely not take away any sort of attraction that you already have for women. When you sleep with a guy you might find out that you enjoy it more, but it won't take away any attraction that you have. As of now, there is nothing that can change your sexuality. Either from becoming straight or gay. I know this is new and can seem very overwhelming, but know that you are far from alone and you can ask as much as you want. We also have a decent amount of frat guys on EC that have actually gone through the process of coming out to their fraternity. The last thing that I'll mention is the kinsey scale. Its not the most perfect of things, but its a very useful tool to start understand just how fluid our sexuality really is. It explain that most people aren't 100% either straight or gay, and that most people fall somewhere in the middle.
I know how you feel! I'm a lesbian married and no one knows I'm this way!!!!! I won't be able to tell anyone I know they will not understand. So, I have to keep it to myself forever. I have never slept with a woman but it's what I crave, I just hope I continue to keep this secret. I don't won't to hurt anyone!!!!!!!
