As some of you may or may not know, I am out to a fair amount of people, including a lot of the friends I have known for many years, as well as a select few family members. However, as you all probably know, coming out is not a one time process. At every new stage in your life, you will encounter new people and friends to whom you want to share a level of personal detail with because you trust them. Last night and today, I came out to my most recent best friends, both whom I have known for a year now. I also came out to other people I met around the same time I met them. The only reason I did not come out to them, and instead to my best friends that I have known longer, is precisely the reason of time. I simply did not know them well enough or did not create a good enough connection on a deep level to actually come out to them. Last night we were all sitting around and sharing very personal and shocking details about our lives, and I decided that it was the perfect time to share mine. (These are generic names) My closest friend Jon, who happens to be studying the same thing as I am in school and taking the same classes with me, reacted by saying: "So what?" and later down the line that night, he said "You are the only gay person I know that has had a threesome with two girls" (which is true, when I was exploring myself... but that's another story for another time). My other friend Brice, equally as close, if not even closer on an emotional level (borderline romantic, actually), responded by telling me he has done stuff with guys before, and very recently as well. My friend Andrew was more nonchalant than Jon. He simply responded by saying he still loved me just the same. These are the only three people I came out to in person. They all told me they would protect me and support me no matter what. I came out to a few more people via a facebook message. All of them so far have responded by saying that they love me very much.
This is by far my least favorite thing about being queer...the fact that I am expected to "come out", over and over, at the dentist's office and at my brother's wedding and to my grandparents and to my coworkers and to my congregation....OVER and OVER and OVER again...the rest of my life. And for the rest of my life, it will always be a coin flip on losing a relationship with someone I divulge that information to, or having them stereotype me for the information, or have them use that information emotionally or spiritually against me in some way. It fucking sucks.
I should probably mention that one of my friends, who we will call Hannah, posted on facebook 10 minutes after I came out to her, saying: "it's not don't ask don't tell, its don't ask don't care. love freely and accept everyone ♥". I love my friends very much.
Congrats, yeah it does stink having to come out over and over. But I plan to actually treat my sexual orientation as a non issue, and just slip it into conversations like its no big deal. The stress of effortfully finding a time to say it would be too much. The way you did it works too. But I might slip it in there earlier, just so its easier on me. I plan to be out in college so yeah I'll see how that works...
