I Don't know why everyone assoicates feminine traits in boys for being gay. don't get me wrong, I Would be totally comfortable and cool with myself if I were gay. I'm not afraid of gays, most of my best male friends are gay. I don't let men into my life if they aren't sensetive. But going back to at least childhood I was curious about women, I hung out with mostly women, I avoided boys and hid among the flowers. I finally got sick and tired of everyone assuming because i was so attracted to women i'd emulate them that I was gay. I don't know how many times i was told "I Should be gay" or "I Am a little fruity" or so many things. The fact is i am exclusively attracted to women. there's not even a hint of bicuriousness in me. I'm honestly repulsed by the masculine. men seem either macho and pretenious, abusive, or just not all present when you're talking to them. In spite of doing this very publicly on facebook I still feel like very few people if anyone knows how deep the wound is, how deep the bullet lies or how primal the wound is. I endured over and and over and over being attracted to a woman only to watch her macho abusive boyfriend talk down to her hit her and abuse her. I've been unable to find a good woman to have a relationship with because women my age seem to be in love with the image of badassness, and the badasses always burn them. I'm used to wearing masks and pretending i am complacent and agree with the system at hand but the truth is I notice the fair trade stickers. I agree with them. I notice the political things, I am a dissident, and I Feel like no one knows. like the weepie's song "Nobody knows me at all"
