mom says i'm not gay because i don't act like a guy

(*hug*)

 

This reminds me of my mum. She kept saying things like, 'But how do you know you won't fall for a guy one day?' and 'Don't say things like that; that's not how you want to portray yourself, no guys will want to go out with you if you say that.'

To be fair, she had a point, and one thing I learned is that you cannot predict the future. I mean, who knows? Maybe one day 5 years in the future, for some weird unknown reason, I will fall for a guy. Maybe it'll turn out that she's right. Maybe.

BUT. The fact remains that so far, my entire life, I have liked girls, and therefore, why SHOULDN'T I identify as a lesbian? At THIS moment in my life, I am attracted to girls and not guys. It doesn't matter that one day in the distant future I may or may not become attracted to a guy. What matters is that I'm comfortable in my own skin as I stand NOW.

The same should be for you. If you like girls, go ahead and identify as a lesbian. You're not 'closing off an entire part of your world that you could potentially like' because you are already living in your version of life that makes you happy. Live in the now, and not in the future.

 

I would move on and not worry about telling her again until you bring home a girlfriend.

 

The bad news is that it is depressingly common. Quite a few parents go through a denial phase, often followed by fear, anger and bargaining (not necessarily in that order), before accepting the fact that this is real, this isn't a bad thing, and they had better come to grips with it.

The good news: most parents do come around! It's a tough idea to grasp for parents that their kids have a sexuality too, that parents don't get a vote in their kids' dating lives, and that parents don't know their kids better than the kids know themselves, but all parents eventually find that out and get over it (even if their kids not being straight adds a bit to the difficulty).

To counter it, I'm partial to just trying to be reassuring. Chip's example of asking "how can you be sure you're not interested in women" can work to shut her up, though I usually took the route of assuring people I knew what I was doing.
When my mom asked me if I was sure, my answer was: "well, I'm 25 years old. I spent more than a decade thinking about it. It's not mathematically impossible that I missed anything, but at this age, I'm as sure of what I like as you were at that age!" (25 being the age my mom and dad married).

That's not a line you can use at 14, perhaps, but I think that at age 23 it's worth a shot.

Above all, when she voices false hope, stay calm. assure her you know who you are and what you like, and that you still were the same you always were. She'll come around eventually.

 

Doesn't your Mom know "girly" gays are the reason I get up in the morning? :lol:

 

Urk, That's frusterating. Well, prove her wrong. Find a nice lady friend (if you know what I mean *wink wink nudge nudge*) That'll shut her up.

 

lol @maverick.
anyways... society likes to lock itself in the chains of stereotypes. and your mom's using those stereotypes to reason her way out of acceptance. it's an easy thing to do-- making excuses. i could write an eight page essay about all the different kinds of excuses i used to convince myself i liked boys.
and heatqueen's mom found a way to explain away the entire population of homosexuals-- "how do you know you won't fall for a guy in the future?" which makes any orientation void because you don't know what you'll feel in the future. it also disproves the whole scientific method itself, because theories are true until they're disproved. gravity doesn't really exist-- how do you know you won't just start floating away sometime in the future? well, gravity exists now. i'm not floating away. and i'm gonna have a girlfriend, goddamn it.
if that didn't make sense, i'm tired. (that's the epitome of great excuses by the way-- "why did you fail that test? i was tired. why weren't you speaking coherently? i'm tired. why did you run over that old lady? i was tired.)
so don't let people frustrate you with their BS-explanations. your feelings are your feelings.

 

Your mam sounds just like mine. Not long ago she told me she thought girls who dated other girls just weren't pretty enough to find a nice guy to date. Parents sometimes say the stupidest things. I unfortunately have nothing constructive to add.

 

my mom has similiar views on homosexuality. although i love her somtimes she sounds like a complete idiot. try not to let it bother you.

 

I think your parents should meet mine. The fact is that they know it, and that's all that matters. If they want to deny it and hope for the "best"––which, in this case, is that you end up straight––then let 'em do that, until you can prove to them that you're not. They'll have to accept you sometime, and if they don't, then that's their choice to live without their kid. I come from an Indian family, and me even thinking about living without my family seems strange and extremely disheartening, but if that means that I can finally be free, then so be it.

 

I think your mom needs a picture guide to bisexual and lesbian women.

Michelle Bonilla is a proud lesbian...



Pretty, yes?

And while Ellen DeGeneres isn't VERY feminine, look at her wife!



Melissa Etheridge:



Nelly Furtado came out as bisexual:



Lindsay Lohan (while not the best example) at some point professed to be a lesbian:



Oh, and you know Angelina Jolie? You know, the icon of femininity and beauty and all that? Guess what? She's openly bisexual.



These are just a few examples.

 

My mother used to do this to me a lot when I was younger. It's only when I got into a brief fling with a girl while away from home did she sort-of believe it, but even now she isn't completely made up on it. My mum also said I was far too feminine, but now I think she is coming round to the idea of me being bisexual. It's hard, but I hope she will come around for you too. (*hug*)

 

Stunning women! And all bisexual or lesbian? I had no idea.

I think your mum frankly needs a reality check. And as Corporal Sparks says: "Keep calm and carry on!"

 

Transcript:

You: I'm a lesbian
Mom: No, you're girly.
You: So?
Mom: Well, because you're girly, you can't be a lesbian. So you must be frustrated and are giving up on boys.
You: No, I never liked boys.
Mum: I don't believe that.
You: I'll try and explain this better. When I see a hot girl, I feel like fucking her. When I see a hot boy, I don't feel like fucking him.


And then explain about how lesbians can be whatever and whoever they want to be, and a lot of them are feminine (possibly even a majority) and the only reason she doesn't see feminine lesbians is because they don't look like lesbians to her, meaning she doesn't realise they are lesbian.

 

*chokes on soda*

... Oh RubiksCube. That is probably the most awesome way to put it. xD

 

Yeah, I just came out to my mom a week ago and she doesn't believe that I am actually gay, instead she said she believes I believe I am bisexual, and that in a few years I will be straight. So I can relate to the whole parents thinking it's just a phase thing. I'm here if you need me :3 Best of luck.

RubiksCube...that was awesome

 

Going along with the picture guide idea, but with guys...

James Dean (Bisexual)



Alexander the Great (Bisexual)



Achilles (Bisexual)



- Not to mention Spartan warriors, remind me why "don't ask, don't tell" was in again - LGBT has the most notable fighters in it.

J. Edgar Hoover (Gay)



Jerry Smith (Redskins)



Roy Simmons (Giants & Redskins)



Glenn Burke (Dodgers & Oakland A's)



David Kopay (San Francisco, Detroit, Washington, New Orleans, Green Bay)

 

"Yeah. And if someone doesn't say 'dawg' and 'homes,' they can't possibly be black."