I (sort of) came out to Mum the other day. Long story short, it wasn't me who actually told her in the end, but it was ultimately my decision and it went well. The thing is, I don't feel how I expected I would. I don't feel happy to have it off my chest, or to be free not to hide anything. If anything, I feel worse now and I don't know why. Shouldn't I feel good about this? I'm starting to regret coming out to her. Another thing bothering me is that I told her she was free to talk to Dad about it, because I wouldn't ever be able to (I didn't tell her that part). But I don't know if she actually did talk to Dad about it, and it's been on my mind ever since. I don't know why I should feel so crap now, but I do. I'm starting to think this was a really bad idea.
If it went well and your mom accepted you then I think you should be feeling okay. Maybe you're just still nervous from coming out and have to get used to the idea that your parents know you're gay. It takes some getting used to. I think you'll be okay. Most people do feel very relieved and happy after coming out, especially if the person they told is accepting of them. Give it some time, I'm sure you'll change a bit.
Give it some time. When I first came out, I was so stressed and upset I was physically ill. But once I had time to realize that it meant I didn't have to hide any part of who I was anymore, it was very liberating.
Even though it doesn't feel right now, congratulations on coming out. Telling her took a lot of courage, and you should be proud of that. As for not feeling great about it, I agree with what everyone says. When I told my first friend it was a relief for a bit, but then some of my anxiety actually did come back. It took me a couple of days to get used to the idea that someone else in the world now knew this secret. It may take some time, but it was the right decision and everything will work itself out.
Yeah mate I had the same sort of reaction when I came out as well. I didn't get the light, uplifting feeling that heaps of other people said that they got rather I just felt a bit dull inside--almost a bit scared. I think it was because a small part of me just wanted to fit in, to be 'straight' and normal, and admitting (out loud) that that was never going to be the case (in some respects) felt like a bit of a disappointment. But it does get better if for no other reason than you don't have to get up each day wondering if today is going to be the day that you come out or what others are going to think of you. It really does take a lot of pressure off and allowed you to start moving forward instead of trying to maintain the status quo.
I was convinced that my dad would not accept me and I was totally wrong. He had suspected that I might be gay and was totally accepting. So, I don't know your dad but it's obviously stressing you out not knowing if he knows or not. I don't think you will feel better until you or your mom tells your dad. I think you should find out if your mom has talked to him, and if not maybe you should. They are your parents and hopefully they can help you through these tough times. I did not feel better until several conservations and about a week after I came out to my parents. Good luck!
Actually, feeling this way after coming out (as mentioned by above posters) is not uncommon at all. When I came out, I felt no sense of enlightenment, freedom or happiness. In fact, I felt guilty, even more so than I did when I couldn't accept myself as being gay. The fact is, although you may have come to terms with being gay, there is still a small part of you that wants to be like the rest of the population and fit in. It's the part that says "I know I'm different and I can't change it, but I still think about it now and then". It goes away with time, as it has with me, but as I said it's certainly not abnormal. It causes that regret feeling you have too! It's still possible to feel alienated from your peers and everyone else even after you come out. Why? For me, it was a double-edged sword conundrum: on the one hand, you don't want to be treated differently because you are gay, and you want to be loved by your friends all the same, after coming out; but on the other hand, since nothing has changed, you feel like you haven't really come out at all because no one HAS treated you differently. So when your guy friends are busy talking about girls, or vice-verse, you still feel left out because you are... well.. gay. Anyways, it gets better after this. You have gotten over the worst part of coming out to those people whom you are closest to. Congrats on coming out, and chin up.
Sounds like your stressing over your Dad, and sometimes when we have a feeling for a long time it kinda gets stuck on us and won't go away.
I had the exact same thing when I came out. My dad was the last person to find out, so the fear of other people finding out through him was obviously removed. He was fine with it, and had assumed as much for some time, but I still felt bad, and there was really no huge feeling of relief. I think for me, my parents are incredibly conservative, and while they are both accepting, the thought of having a conversation with them about it would be very awkward. Hence, even though they now knew, it was almost worse, as I felt that I had to continue living the same lie as before, because actually talking about it would be so uncomfortable. I think the tendency when you come out is to want to go a bit crazy, because you can finally express yourself properly, so to come to the realisation that it might actually be a similar situation as before is a bit crushing and disappointing. For example, even though everyone now knows, I still feel a little tied down, in the fact that I could never bring a boyfriend home, or discuss gay rights with my dad etc. However, I think to an extent, this is only an internalised feeling and something that maybe your parents wouldn't share. They obviously only want the best for you, so I'm sure your dad will be very supportive Hope I helped and sorry for rambling
