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Just Believe Me Already!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by zoezoewriter, Sep 5, 2011.

  1. zoezoewriter

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Alright, I really just need to get this off my chest...
    Okay, so my mom and I were talking. She mentioned my older brother, who is gay, and she made a joke about "what if I was a lesbian." I off-handedly told her I'm bisexual. Well, she then decided to lecture me about sexuality. The only thought going through my head was What. the. f**k.
    So, a few weeks later, I formally came out to her, completely serious. She tried to lecture me yet again, but this time I stood up for myself, assuring her that I know I am bi.
    Ever since, she's been...off. I think she's trying to block it out or something...? I'm rather puzzled since my mother's best friend is a lesbian and, as I said, my brother is gay. Whatever it is, her behavior is one of the single most irritating things I can possibly think of off the top of my head.
    As a note, she seems to think bisexuality is a choice. And that bisexuals go around sleeping with every person they see.
    Next goal: Figure out what my mother has against bisexuals.
     
    #1 zoezoewriter, Sep 5, 2011
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2011
  2. Elven

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    For some reason I can hardly fathom, even amongst my friends who accept me fully as Gay, there seems to be a certain harsh view against bisexuals which I try to remedy. They seem to think that Bi's are somehow just greedy or undecided, and are just lying or something, I seem to have to explain to alot of them that though some people who are undecided may identify as Bi in their coming out process as a sort of mid step, there are a hell of alot of just plain Bisexuals who just happen to be attracted, equally or not, to attributes or certain people of both sexes. Sometimes I find explaining exactly how it is you feel and maybe pointing out what it means for someone to be bisexual to her could perhaps help.
     
  3. zoezoewriter

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    I really can't thank you enough for your efforts there.
    I'll try that if I get a good opportunity. God forbid she takes her daughter seriously if I ask for a conversation... -_-
     
  4. BradThePug

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    The problem with bisexuality is that it is extremely misunderstood. People think that we just don't want to choose what sex we like. (Not saying it's a choice, just saying what some people think.) They also think that we are just trying to get attention.

    I would agree with what Elven said, maybe then she could understand that you are not lying or making a choice or anything like that, you are just being who you were born as.
     
  5. Katelynn

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    It could be, as you said, that you're mother is a bit off & out of sorts right now because she probably just had that mentality of 'it's OK if my son is gay, at least I still have my daughter for grandchildren, etc' line of thinking going on. Now, she's probably facing some pretty heavy feelings now, and she might feel like 'Is anyone I know straight or is it just me?', since you also mentioned her best friend is gay, plus she may be having a bit of crisis since she might fear that you may choose your long-term or lifelong partner too be another woman, which may, in turn, have her starting to wonder if she will have that nice, little future she may have wanted for you. Just give her some time and if she still hasn't come around, perhaps consider talking with those closest to her, like her best friend or your brother, perhaps they can help you get some perspective on how she is going thru dealing with everything...
     
  6. zoezoewriter

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    Update

    I asked my mom what her problem is with bisexuals. She said that they're just indecisive, which obviously pissed me off. I didn't say anything tho. I brought it up to her the next day and she took it back.
    Now I just have to deal with coming out to my brother...
     
  7. acd92

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    It sounds like your mother is buying into that stigma that bisexuals are just indecisive, or transitioning, from one "side" to the other. When I initially came out to my cousin, she was extremely adamant about it. Among many things that she said were:

    - that I was too young to really know my sexual preferences
    - that I could really only be bisexual if I had an equal preference for males and females
    - that bisexuality is just a farce for people who are too afraid to accept the fact that they're lesbian or bisexual

    My mother, on the other hand, replied, "oh, so you're gay?" And rather than let me explain myself, she proceeded to inform me that I was making a terrible life decision for myself, and that if I were really bisexual, I could just pretend to be straight. We really haven't talked about it since, which leads me to believe she's really in denial. And I'm sure you know all the counterarguments to demolish my cousin's little speech. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone...

    It's frustrating that so many people really believe these things, yes, and sometimes it seems like they'll never see eye to eye with you. All you can really do is be firm in your resolve. This doesn't mean you have anything to prove, of course, but if you're asked, just say the truth, which is that (hopefully) you're pretty comfortable with your sexuality and you hope that they can also accept the fact that you're bisexual.

    Keep you head up, my dear!