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My Coming Out Story

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Ben, Sep 13, 2011.

  1. Ben

    Ben
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    I never wrote a coming out story here. It's probably just because my coming out was a pretty smooth one. But I guess that's all the more reason for me to share it.

    I don't come from the best part of the world to be queer, we're all white and straight where I live. At school, nobody was out, though a few have come out in the past year or so since moving away to university. But I always knew what was up, and I think I grew comfortable with it at quite a young age, so whenever girls wanted little schoolgirl 'relationships' with me, I'd always decline them for that reason. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: When I was 12/13 I briefly decided to marry a woman because I wanted children, but then I decided that that wasn't the right thing to do, and I could get them on my own. I had thought in the previous years, when I was very young, that my 'difference' was a sin. I guess that was my biggest worry. But the chaplain at my school, who taught me from the age of 12, was always very clear in telling us that it was acceptable and fine to be gay and Christian. He was cool. So I spent the next few years waiting for everyone to grow up a bit and trying not to lie about my sexuality.

    It grew to more of a place that all of my friends began to pick up on it. I wasn't interested in having a girlfriend, and I'd spend my spare time making daisy chains and staring at guys with nice butts. It was pretty obvious, really. But that was fine. When I got a bit older and girls were getting into their more serious about things stage, this one girl went all bunny boiler on me, so I told her over msn and she took it well.
    I told my mum as well, I thought I owed it to her and our relationship that she was one of the first people to know. It was just a random day, and I decided to randomly walk into her room on a whim and tell her that I was gay. I suddenly got all nervous, as expected, but she ended up guessing what was up (she was very insistent that she'd support me through a sex change though, something I had to point out a few times I didn't want xD). She took it well, but was a bit awkward about it. Then I guess I just took the option of being open about it but not telling anyone else, and that worked out pretty well.

    Well, I went to university, continued being out, and very quickly got a boyfriend and we went official on Facebook. He's a sweet guy, and had his own coming out issues because lots of his friends were involved in an evangelical church group. But anyway, my brothers had found out by that point, but it was a bit hush-hush in the family until then, when everyone just started talking about it. I guess that was the time when my grandparents and extended family finally got it. My grandparents are cool, they're like parents to me at times, and will love me forever. They call him my 'friend', but that's fine. I think by the time they'd found out, they had known about one of my brother's sexuality for a while as well, so had had some time to get used to things.

    I have a very large family, and when I took my boyfriend home for the first time, I got lots of relatives coming over "Oh, you must be … hi, I'm Ben's…" they were all really awesome. And my mum stopped being awkward finally. She was always accepting of it, just awkward. And I think it took me to bring back a guy for her to finally realise that just because I like men, I'm not going to get involved with a guy who breathes pink glitter fire and disses her choice of fabric softener because it smells like it comes form the wrong decade. Or something.

    Anyway, now I'm totally out. And it went pretty smoothly. I have no regrets at all, and I'm glad that I was able to just bite the bullet and get things out in the open without digging myself into any holes. It's not easy being absolutely out, and there are bigots and buttholes lingering around the streets out there, but it feels a whole lot better to just be honest and myself around the people I love the most. :grin:
     
  2. Filip

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    Out to everyone
    You know, when I saw you posted a thread here, I thought it was a mistake as I presumed you were totally out for ages and ages already :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    That said: awesome story! And congrats about being totally out to everyone now! Getting close to being fed up with my closeted status to non-immediate family it is rahter inspiring... :eusa_clap

    (mental note to self, though: tone down the vocal opinions on fabric softener if ever meeting a boyfriend's mom :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)
     
  3. Sadepeura

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    Hey that's an awesome story! Thank you for posting it. :slight_smile:

    That evangelical church thing completely freaked me out though. I actually feel seriously scared now. But I guess all the good stories must have a scary bit. Although I really would prefer a story that was all happy happy all the way through.
     
  4. Ben

    Ben
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    The evangelical thing was my boyfriend's biggest problem coming out I think, as he wasn't out to any friends at home before he met me.
    It wasn't all that bad really, a lot of his friends have stuck by him and were never phased. The problem was more in a bunch of people being a bit bitchy, whispering behind his back, etc. He doesn't regret them knowing, though. I think that when you're finally out, even if not everyone takes it very well, it still feels a whole lot better to be with those who truly love you for who you are, and will accept you no matter what.
     
  5. jimL

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    That is a way cool story. I to was frightened by the religious thing since I was raised a Catholic. The most interesting thing for me was after I told my parents and my mom had some time to process the whole thing, she started making excuses for "our" religion. I think that she has had to do a lot of soul searching about what they say about us. I find it interesting that so many people have been affected by me coming out.....and in a way that I never thought would happen. I think all of us that come out open peoples minds to the realities of the gay word. It's easy when you don't "know one" to be negative about it.
     
  6. Ben

    Ben
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    Well, while I'm here I might as well talk a bit more about my experience of the religion thing. I think as far as families go, your experience, Jim, is pretty standard—family basically trumps all religion.

    I'm studying Divinity as part of my degree. Basically I study theology, but it's Christian theology, and there's enough of it that a lot of people on my course are planning on entering the Church when they graduate. I was cautious about being out around such a large group of people, many of whom are devoting their lives to their religion, and no doubt might be a bit uneasy around my sexuality.
    But it worked out perfectly. I've gone to numerous lectures in Biblical Hebrew absolutely camping it up with bows in my hair, and everyone in the class loves it. I talk to the divinity people about my boyfriend and they don't bat an eyelid. So that's more of a positive story along the religious side of things.

    My family aren't strictly religious, any of them. But there are lots of Christian undertones—they get married in Churches and attend Church on special occasions a few times a year. There's been absolutely no problems with that and my sexuality in my family. My boyfriend isn't out to his family yet, but it's pretty much the same there for him.

    If someone is involved in more stringent religious groups, then it's very possible that some friends will be butts about it and abandon them. But in the case of my boyfriend, it's shown him who his true friends are in the first place.
    Being a bitch about someone because they're being honest is certainly something. And I don't know what that something is, but it's not friendship.
     
  7. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    Its not official until its on Facebook! Have to love our generation xD


    Really glad everything went well with your boyfriend meeting your whole family. That has to be ridcs nerve wrecking.