Okay so i came out to my father a while ago...at the time he was on a trip somewhere and i told him by phone. He was totally fine about, didn't even seemed phased and we even laughed about it for a little bit. everything was normal. he got back last night, and still things where normal, we hadn't even brought it up or discussed it at all since the day i told him... however today...i think he was in bad mood to begin with, not sure why. he'd been out all day and only got back about an hour or so ago. A few minutes ago he called me into the living room, looking very serious and even slightly annoyed. he told me to sit down and said.."okay so lets discuss your..homosexuality" I wasn't sure what to say so i just sat down and he said "so you're a lesbian" And i said "i'm bi.." Him, looking annoyed. "we're discussing the homosexual bit right now and you're a lesbian right?" I got a annoyed myself and said "i'm bisexual. not a lesbian. they are two different things" Then he got sarcastic again and told me to explain it to him, explain what "bisexuality means" (even though he already knows what it means) Either ways i ended up explaining it to him somewhat. and i started shaking, like really shaking/trembling all over. i couldn't stop. and i could feel my face and neck getting red/hot and couldn't stop it (this happens to me a lot, i have anxiety problems) anyways he then asked if my brother knew and i told him yes. he started asking me some other questions like "do my friends know" and he basically spoke to me with this irritating, cynical/sarcastic tone throughout. and it confused me and i still couldn't stop the shaking and i'm still shaking now(it's really messed up) and then he said "you know, by law, for kids under the age of 16, parents are supposed to monitor what they do on the internet, but i'v never even questioned what you do" And this really upset me. it's true my dad's never been concerned with what i do online, he's always trusted me with that. and i'v NEVER done anything messed up, weird online like porn or anything of the sort. really all i do online is facebook, ec, youtube, soundcloud, email and skype and any other thing remotely interesting. it upset me that he would say that, just because he knows i'm bisexual. so does that mean that because i'm not straight i'm automatically some kinda perverted teen, doing messed up crap online? he never said anything like that when he thought i was "straight" anyways when he saw that it upset me he looked kinda guilty and moved on to ask me if i go to any support websites for bisexual people. and i said not really, just one. and told him about EC. he just nodded and didn't say anything for a while. then said "so have you ever been in a relationship with a girl" and i said yes, i'm in one now. (my first relationship) he looked a bit suprised and asked if she went to my school...and i said no. (its a long distance thing) he asked me where she was from and i told him and assured him that she was legit and wasn't some kinda weirdo(cause she's absolutely not) i'v spoken to her, heard her voice and seen her etc. we talked about that for a bit (wont go into that now) he asked if i was okay with the world knowing i was bisexual. i asked him what he meant by that and he said "you know, the family. your mum, my mum, your aunty's cousin etc" and i said "no.. not yet" then he said "are you sure you're not just saying your bisexual because you don't want to tell me you're gay?" and i said "no i'm sure. i know what i am..." (getting annoyed again) then he said "so you like boys and girls, so there's still a possibility you'll give me granchildren?" he said it in that cynical/sarcastic voice of his which really got to me. and i replied, saying "even if i was straight i'm not sure i'd have kids anyways" which is true. After a while no one said anything. He finally just looked and me and said "well that's it. let me know when you're ready to have dinner" and so i left and went back to my room. He came into my room a short while later to give me a towel and seemed like he was back to normal. idk what to think right now..i'm just confused... He just had this intimidating tone throughout the entire conversation... He was okay with it when i told him, there was no problem...i have no idea where this change of attitude came from. and now i just feel a bit upset.
Don't worry about it. Everything should be fine. Although, you should try pointing out the tone he was using. He might not be conscious of it.
I don't know your dad but if he sounded like you said he did then he's probably trying to look tough for you. I wouldn't be surprised if he was on the verge of tears at one point or another. He doesn't sound homophobic, he just sounds like he's worried about you. Which is a perfectly normal reaction for a parent. Speaking from experience I know how uncomfortable it can be for parents to hear this kind of information, telling him over the phone was probably not the best thing to do because that leaves him thinking about it for as long as he's away. It's always better if you can tell people face-to-face alone. I'm not saying you did anything wrong, because you didn't. In fact coming out to him at all must have taken immense courage. I'm sure during your talk at the table you were very nervous. I know I was, and parents can easily pick up on that. I can't think of a half decent father that wouldn't be effected by how you felt. It's a very good thing that your father sounds okay with your sexuality., and I'm proud of you for coming out to him.
I wouldn't be surprised if he really was confused about your being bisexual, sure most people know the dictionary definition of what it means, and that's all most people need. However, if someone close to them says that they identify themselves as bisexual they would likely want to know more about it. To be honest there are times I don't seem to understand it myself(then again I've only recently started really putting some real thought into it). I would say don't worry, given how your dad acted after it was all over he doesn't sound like he's too worked up over it. And as others have said, he could very well have sounded odd because he was trying to hold back his emotions...
Really sorry you had to sit through all of that (*hug*) Your dad's response is actually pretty common with most parents. While they are trying to accept the whole thing they will go from being completely okay with it one day to completely confused about it the other day. Just like you did, he is going to need time in order to process everything, which can sometimes feel like a complete roller coaster. As hard as it is, always try to remember that your dad is only trying to look out for you. Remember that you also took time to accept yourself so you must give other people some time to get used to the idea. While you told your dad a while ago, he just got home and its very probable that "the homosexual" thing just became very real to him all of the sudden. Have you tried giving him some resources so he can better cope with it? PFLAG has some really good resources that you can print and give it for him to read (the website is down right now, but I will link some to you later if you want) and there are some really good books out there for parents as well. At the end, it seems like your dad is trying hard to be able to accept or understand what you are going through. You'll see that he will get there with time
when i came out to my dad he was quite jokey but then later it was obvious it was just a front, it took him a while to digest and be ok with me being gay, id say give him time, at least he wants to talk to you about it, shows that he is at least trying to understand =)
