here in my car, i feel safest of all...

Differences define us and make us more then average.

I didn't know i was different until some one explained the term "gay" and thats when i realized i was the personification of dissapointment. Gay in slang is dissapointment. Its really a crushing word some times. I had it all planned out. A wife and kids, a job and all that... crushed ... destroyed... remants at the blink of the eye. :eek:

I tryed to be straight i really did. I tryed to not notice guys in gym while sitting on the bleachers writting little stories about worlds far off in the distance. I tryed not to look at the bag boy in the supermarket and think, if it worked in femm nakita...why not?

But i did... I do... no i dont... or at least that was my fragmented argument:eusa_liar :. I always thought i was wierd but i never thought i was this, and just like the slang, it was a dissapointment. My mom had gay friends who talked about guys that just didn't like any one. A-sexuals.... I thought if i didn't like girls.... and that "I know i dont like guys so" i must be that. Of corse i wasn't, but for a time it tried to be that too. :bang:

So skipping ahead a few years i had learned to except that i wasn't a-sexual or straight but that i actually liked guys ... Here's where the bi phase came in and for a while i talked to boys about crushing on there girl friends i was really just checking out the boxers that showed just under there shorts.... :lol: what can i say, i had a thing for geeks. And if he paid attention he would have caught the wardrobe malfunction in time...

It wasn't long befor both the girl and guy i suposedly and actually had a thing for where caught in a sex scandel and sent to alternate schools, seperatly.:eusa_doh:



after middle school, I headed off to an arts school. I knew there would be more peopel like me there and i could be more excepted. (&&&) As soon as i got there i realized what a happy atmosphere my highschool has in comparison. Most highschools around here have high gang levels.... most peopel say that to go to them u have to be skilled at ducking. after a while in the closset i met the other gay guys that where out but no one seemed to want to hang out so i gave up on that whole thing. :icon_sad:

this is where life changes.... with friends....

In the first year of high school i was bored durring winter. winter brake was like an exile from friends since i had played with no one in the neighborhood befor. I remebered one girl i had hung out with befor in middle school but she hung out with a different crowd. As i walked along the streets i found my way to her house and knocked on the door. Her mom answered surprized and happy that a boy came to visit... my friends not that social ether.

Later on brake i had become really good friends with her... its been three years now... and i still rember it... one night at the park i really felt oppen and one with her... it was special and some thing i dont get to feel alot. so i said some thing in defence of gays after i moved the subject of conversation that way. she asked me if i had some thign to tell her and i said maybe. from then on weve been best friends... through the years she's slipped and told peeps... but bye then i was out to peopel ... some one let it slip and the only action was to speak up befor rumors spread.

it was a good plan if rumor had spread at all ... wich it didn't and thus i was pushed out of the closet:dry: but thats ok... i am glad the school knows it... helps me feel safer at school. less paranoid about being watched. as if some one wants me to mess up and spill. wich no one did.


so any way... some thing simmilar happend with mom... we where in the car and i addmitted it... now about cars... the thing is... no exits.... a fifteen minute sex talk in a car is not the way to go... but at least it wasn't violent or full of gods wrath... thank god, who dosn't wrath as much as i thought he dose. :eusa_danc :eusa_danc


when we got home she had a beer and called it a night... ever since weeve been ok... although im not alowed in her girls only bath room... no change there... :icon_bigg

next was dad.... he found out that i was looking for relationships on line when he went to turn off my computer when i left for school. it said i was gay... he was pissed, and gave me documents on how the catholic church feels.... i already knew how that would go though so i was grounged for a month... i call that a slap on the wrist really... i wanted to go to theripy to be able to fix what ever depresstion i may have... its an unrealated topic though for maybe another post....


so thats how i came out... we still dont talk about it ... or my ex.... or any thing elce that was in my comfiscated diary.... its not that grate here ... but i live on.


so long and good luck

 

you are so lucky to get that kind of reaction !i could only imagine how my parents would react, but its all good now right ?
~love u~