So I just had a long conversation with a friend of mine. He's openly gay, and he was a friend of mine when I originally came out as Bi. I told him about how I am feeling lately, that I think I'm gay and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. The biggest thing is that I don't want to hurt my girlfriend. We've been together almost 4 years. We have been living in a very difficult situation with my alcoholic brother for the last 7 months and we're finally getting into a new apartment at the end of october. It's going to be for an 18 month lease! I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm gay. I'm so confused.
The thing I would think about is that if you're in fact gay which would be more hurtful; talking to your girlfriend now about this, or having a situation come up while you're inside your lease. I understand that you don't want to hurt your girlfriend but is it fair to either of you to continue this relationship that you're in? Just some things to think about. Good luck.
If you're about to go into an 18 month lease, you probably owe it to her, and to yourself, to discuss how you're feeling with her NOW (as in, within the next week.) Otherwise, with the more clear sense you're getting of yourself, you're either stuck lying to her for 18 months, being in a potentially awkward situation ( a gay guy and his ex-gf living in an apartment together), or somebody's going to be on the hook for an apartment for 18 months. As much as it may be painful and hurtful to her to tell her now, it will be *more* painful, convoluted, complicated, and potentially financially difficult if you wait. Even if you've signed the lease, if you decide to do something different before you move in, and with almost a month to spare, your landlord is much more likely to work with you than after you're in there. This may be one of the toughest decisions you've had to make, and I do understand the desire to put it off simply because you can. But if you reverse your roles, and imagine her in your position, and you in hers, would you not want to know sooner rather than later that it wasn't going to work out? Please think about it. You have a chance to do what seems like the right thing now, and minimize the long-term discomfort, or say nothing, and deal with the inevitable when it eventually does come around. Only you can make the judgement about whether you're comfortable waiting potentially 18 months, and/or whether you're pretty firm in your feelings about yourself. But those are, at least in my mind, the factors you need to consider in making the decision about what to do.
