So last night my girlfriend and I were at a friend's place. My brother forgot to pay the elctric this month so we've been spending our evenings at friends' places. She was doing some homework and I was on my computer. Specifically I was reading the responses I was getting from people on this site and buddhist forum I use regarding the letter I wrote yesterday for coming out to her. She was being very suspicious all night and eventually grabbed the computer from me to see what I was doing. (She was assuming I was talking to some girl or something.) So there it was. My plan originally was to show the letter to my therapist on wed to get her feedback then give it to her this weekend. That got thrown out the window thow. I watched her while she was reading it, and she starting sobbing and after she finished she threw my computer on the floor and ran out of the apartment. I chased after her, and she was so angry with me. We got back to the apartment and she stayed inside talking to a couple of our friends. I went outside with a girl friend of ours and basically broke down. She seemed a little surprised but was very supportive. To say the least, the rest of the evening was very dramatic. Holly is extremely angry with me and feels like I've lied to her. She stayed at our friend's place last ngiht and I went back home. I ended up staying up late with my brother and came out to him as well. He wasn't surprised at all and was good about talking me down. I was pretty distraught. This morning, I met with her and we talked. She kept asking me "why did you do this to me?" I tried to help her understand how difficult it has been to come to terms with my sexuality, but she just doesn't understand. At one point she was like "well whatever, I don't give a shit, you're the one who's gonna end up with AIDS." It was a pretty shitty morning. MY friend drove me to work and she took the car. She's taking the day off to move her stuff out of our place. So far it's been pretty traumatic, but I do have a small part of me that does feel liberated. Like, the hard part is finally over. Whew. I do not want to be at work today. ugh:help:
Sorry that she reacted that way, Dhamma. I didn't get a good reaction when I came out either, so I feel for you on that one. Just remember that for a lot of people who are "come out" to, their initial reaction is not their longstanding position. When I came out, my family pretty much threatened to kidnap me from my home to turn me away from my "dark and forbidden lifestyle". :rolle: Now almost a year later I can openly mention things like marriage equality and DADT repeal and they are supportive of my civil rights because they have realized that gay people are just people. When they ask where I go on a a Saturday night, I say the name of our local lesbian bar and they don't bat an eye. However, you're right about one thing in your case - the hard part is over. Now go look in the mirror and say, "I'm bisexual. And it's okay." <3
I was going to tell you to say, "I'm gay and it's okay," then I got irked at you when I saw you had put your orientation as "bisexual" because it doesn't rhyme as well. How gay is that? :lol:
Coming out situations like that has to be incredibly hard to do so kudos to you for finally taking the plunge. I can only imagine how hard it has to be dealing with all the emotions from your ex and what you are feeling. Just keep in mind that a lot of the things she will say are just out of initial anger (*hug*) Congrats for finally doing it!
I'm sorry that your are going through this with your gf, but congrats on coming out to her. Give her some time. Just like you had a coming out process, she has a similar process that she has to go through. In that split second that she saw your computer not only did she discover that your gay but came to the realization that her life is going to change. In your previous posts it sounded like she was planning to marry you and have kids, now that dream is gone. In her 'coming out' process, she needs time to mourn the loss of you and and future she is going to have with you. Unfortunately a stage of mourning is anger. Just be there for her and be honest with her when she has questions for you. (*hug*)(*hug*)
Congrats on coming out!! I'm sorry that it went the way that it did. Hopefully she will come around with time. She is probably feeling like she has lost you, or feels like this is her fault in some way.
Wow. Sometimes things work in mysterious ways. I'm sure your heart went straight into your stomach when she grabbed the computer, and I can't imagine how it must have been to go through all of the anger she vented... but what a powerful thing to at least be free of holding onto that secret. I'm sure you realize, but her first response is part of the stages of loss (hard to deny when it's there in front of your face). Of course, she's got plenty of reason to be really angry... but when she calms down and has a little time to think, she will realize that she did have reason to suspect or know... that's one of the key pieces that most gay guys in relationships with women seem to miss and it's nearly always true. I'm not sure the response would have been any different if you'd had time to refine the letter. It was a really, really good letter and I think you said pretty much all you could. Hopefully, after she has a chance to calm down you'll be able to talk with her, but for now, it might be best to give her some space. Please keep in touch and let us know how things are going for you
It's tough now and will be for the next couple of months. It's just going to take time for her to process all this. She needs and deserves time. But you have already started the healing process for yourself. Now you can be yourself. It will get better, much better. Hang in there. I'm thinking about you.
